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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really hurt and upset regarding an unwanted gift?

334 replies

EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 18:55

My DP has been going on and on since last year about a playstation 4. He wanted one but said he was going to wait until they came down in price a bit.
Anyway, he didn't buy one so I have been saving for months to buy him one for Christmas.

He has been a bit stressed recently so I thought I'd buy it and give him it early to cheer him up a bit.

I paid £350 for it, which may not seem like a lot of money but to me it's a huge amount, I'm really struggling at the moment and I've been saving since may.

He came home from work, I had spent most of the afternoon cooking a meal (I'm hopeless in the kitchen, cooking is not my strong point) to be met with him asking me what the fuck I'd tried to cook and that he wasn't risking it he was going to get a takeaway. Fair enough, it probably wasn't that great a meal anyway but I'd spent a while preparing it so I was a bit upset.

I then gave him the playstation and straight away he started moaning that I hadn't bought the right games, that it only had one control pad and why had I not paid for the online membership you need to play with your mates online? I had no idea that you even needed to pay to go online.

I burst into tears and I've been upset for the past hour. OK he doesn't like it, i bought the wrong one but surely he could at least have said thank you? He knows how skint I am and i told him how long it took me to save for it. Sad

He has been in his bed for the past hour, we won't see him again tonight so I can package it all back up but I've called argos and they won't let me return it because I stupidly set it up for him to use straight away, thinking he would be happy and could spend the evening relaxing.

Am I being pathetic?

OP posts:
Lifesalemon · 12/12/2014 20:40

OP reading your posts have made me want to come round and give you a big hug and give your partner a huge slap. You really need to get the idea that you were lucky he was interested out of your head, he is the lucky one but you will obviously struggle to see that as he has deliberately drained all of your confidence. If my partner had come in and criticised my cooking like that he would have been wearing his dinner not being rewarded with a games console. Sell it and treat yourself and your kids to something nice and start the new year as a single mum, it really can't be any worse then the rough deal you are getting now. Flowers

timetoplay · 12/12/2014 20:40

Keep the playstation, dump the dead weight.

WhaddayWant · 12/12/2014 20:41

Sorry, I hadn't finished my post..

It's so sad that you saved up all that money and he was so horrible.

KarenHillavoidJimmyswarehouse · 12/12/2014 20:41

Oh love, your posts are heartbreaking.

Yes he's an arse. No, normal men wouldn't act like that. You shouldn't feel lucky he's "taken you on". So, so glad you're looking at your options. You deserve more.

Original poster
EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 20:42

Thanks everyone, I've finally settled both dds and I'm going to try and get some sleep. I'll stay on the sofa tonight I think he is already sleeping and if I wake him getting into bed it will just be another bollocking.

I'm now worried I'm claiming too much in benefits... He earns about £250 a week and I told them this when I started claiming back in September when I had to leave my job...Confused

Ill need to call dwp tomorrow because It sounds like I'm getting too much and I'm probably going to have a huge overpayment to repay now Sad

It doesn't cover everything because on paper his earnings should contribute when in fact he pays nothing, in the eyes of dwp etc I have a partner who works so we should have enough to live on.

I've been borrowing money from family (they will support me, they can't stand him) and credit cards etc to pay bills.

I suppose I bought the playstation to try and do something nice to get him out of his recent bad moods. I realise now how stupid I have been and it's on Gumtree/Facebook so I'll see if it sells

OP posts:
Kaekae · 12/12/2014 20:43

I would have picked it up and thrown the thing. Sorry but he is disrespectful about the present and the meal you made. Don't be a doormat for someone.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 20:44

Oh my god, what an utter knobjocky your H is, bloody hell, is he like that to you often! I would fecking leave the bastard tbh, he sounds bloody awful.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/12/2014 20:44

So, financially abusive as well. Call Woman's Aid OP. Please.

Original poster
EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 20:44

Sorry posted too soon, if not I'll take it to cex and sell it there. Yes, it was the argos bundle

OP posts:
spiderlight · 12/12/2014 20:45

In years to come you'll look back and be glad of his little mantrum tonight - hopefully this is a turning point towards you getting rid of this deadweight arsehole and getting back to the kind of life you deserve. You sound lovely and I am so angry on your behalf. Surely he must have realised how long you'd been saving. Ungrateful twat.

Flowers
Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 20:45

Please please don't marry this guy, think very hard about your relationship, he sounds awful op Sad Flowers

tahunny · 12/12/2014 20:46

I would box it up and take it back and tell them the wifi in it kept cutting out and losing connection. They will refund if you say its faulty. They will open it to check its got everything in box and refund you. Dont be hundreds out of pocket for someone as ungreatful as that

arethereanyleftatall · 12/12/2014 20:49

Why would you need to speak to the dwp about what he earns tomorrow? Please tell us you're kicking him out and this your first call is to women's aid (or whomever else, sorry I don't know) to find out what your options are?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/12/2014 20:51

Don't get your benefits adjusted yet - kick him OUT! Shock

You can explain afterwards if needs be but if you get your benefits cut now you'll be even more reluctant to get him out of your house and he needs to go NOW, before Christmas.

I'm so sad to read that if you get into bed you'll get another bollocking. What's happened to you, OP? You must not stand for this, you're a mother and you need to beef your esteem up so that you will never settle for this again. Never again. :(

Ring your family tomorrow if it's too late tonight, don't put it off. They will support you - and maybe someone can be with you whilst you bag up all his crap. Just get him OUT. Angry

AnnieLobeseder · 12/12/2014 20:51

Good lord in heaven, he is emotionally abuse. He is financially abusive. As other have said, I just want to give you a huge hug. I've read some awful situations on here before but none have ever upset me as much as yours. Does he ever make you smile? Make you laugh? Make you feel loved? Please change the locks tomorrow, as others have said. Then you and your DDs can have a free and happy Christmas.

YonicSleighdriver · 12/12/2014 20:52

DWP can wait. Time enough to sort that out down the line, if needed. Don't reduce your income right this minute.

fluffling · 12/12/2014 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 20:55

Just read your other posts Shock, its your house, he contributes nothing, chuck the fecker out and go on that Freedom Programme, he is a cocklodger, you are worth so much more than him. Not only are you paying for him to live the life of riley, but he is expecting you to sub him. Sounds like he gives you nothing but grief.

SpringBreaker · 12/12/2014 20:57

OP, you and your kids deserve so much more than this.

I just read your posts to my partner and his response was "what a fucking wanker, tell her to tell the lazy cunt to get out of her house"

And I guarantee any other decent bloke would say exactly the same.

gamerchick · 12/12/2014 20:58

DONT ring dwp they will stop your money and then you will be up shits Creek.

Tomorrow fling him a bag and tell him to get out. Then ring up and Monday and claim as a single person.

Kick him out seriously he's using the fuck out of you.

glentherednosedbattleostrich · 12/12/2014 21:00

Sweetie, please give yourself and your kids an early Christmas present and kick the bastard out. Then lodge a claim with child maintenance service, according to the calculator you'd be able to claim £30 per week for you dd from the waste of oxygen.

tahunny · 12/12/2014 21:02

Just read a few of the comments. This is deeper than a ps4. Forget the console, this guy is emotionally abusing you and you need to get him out now.if 350 is what it cost to finally realise what an unworthy bastard he is, then consider it a bargain. This will never get better. Get out of this relationship now. You are better than this.you dont need him. There are people who can help you

Fiftyplusmum · 12/12/2014 21:04

Why are you with him OP? He's got free rent, free cooking, sex presumably, he's not taking any financial responsibility, he's not taking any parental responsibility, he's not giving any emotional support, he's acting like a very spoilt teenager over an extremely expensive present, he's not a mature or kind person.

CrazyOldBagLady · 12/12/2014 21:07

You let this ungrateful toad live, eat and sleep in your house for free? Why?!

caroldecker · 12/12/2014 21:11

He is very emotionally and financially abusive, deliberatly stopping you working and not giving you money so you are scared to leave and unable to do your own thing. I would change the locks tomorrow whilst he is at work, bag up his things and get one of your family to come round and support you when he gets back. You can only ever feel better if you get rid.

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