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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this colleague was very rude re Christmas party

75 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 12/12/2014 11:34

I just overheard one colleague ask another if she was coming to our Christmas party next week. Her reply was along the lines of 'God no, I've better things to do than spend an evening with people from work'.
AIBU to think she was rude, ungracious and condescending.
Fair enough, the office party isn't everyone's cup of tea but surely all you have to say is 'no unfortunately I'm not free that night/can't get a babysitter' or somesuch.
Why do some people feel they have to make 'statements' about not socialising with colleagues, as if it makes them superior to all those saddos toddling along to the office do?

OP posts:

angelos02 · 12/12/2014 11:37

Some people don't view work as anything other than a means to an end rather than see the social aspect. That said, she was rude to say what she did.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2014 11:37

Why do you think she should have lied?

I don't think she was rude and she gave a perfectly valid reason.

Finola1step · 12/12/2014 11:38

It probably makes her feel oh so socially superior that she doesn't "have to" socialise with work people as she has so many wonderful, important people to catch up with at this time of year.

Give her a wide berth.

Mammanat222 · 12/12/2014 11:38

It's not a nice thing to say and I certainly wouldn't say it to a colleague but it kind of sums up how I feel about my work do!

(I am 8 months pregnant so I used that as an excuse instead though!!)

adsy · 12/12/2014 11:40

Don't think she was rude. I take it she spends almost 40 hours a week with work colleagues? Her spare time is precious and she doesn't want to go. Nowt wrong with that.

Bowlersarm · 12/12/2014 11:40

I think she's rude. It was unnecessarily blunt.

People do tend to be a bit more abrupt when it comes to Christmas work things - and not wanting to go to them -, for some reason.

Pootles2010 · 12/12/2014 11:40

Yes lots of people feel like that, but you don't say to the colleagues that you don't want to talk to them! Rude woman.

I get this from several people at work and I'm organising the damn thing

Fullpleatherjacket · 12/12/2014 11:42

I feel the same as her but I answer more gracefully if anyone asks.

No point in stirring the pot unnecessarily.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2014 11:45

'God no, I've better things to do than spend an evening with people from work'.

That's ^^ not necessarily a dig at the OP or anyone else attending though.

The woman was asked a question and she gave an answer that applies to her.

She probably didn't consider anything else beyond that.

HairyPotter · 12/12/2014 11:46

For the first time ever I told my work colleagues that I didn't want to go the the Christmas night out. I have always forced myself to go in the past and hated them but decided this year not to go.

No made up excuses, just a simple 'I don't want to come'. I wasn't rude though. I certainly wouldn't have been as blunt as your colleague, but I don't see any point in making up reasons not to go.

DurhamDurham · 12/12/2014 11:46

I'm fortunate in that I actually like (most of) my work colleagues. I think that she sounded very rude, why upset people when its really not that difficult to be polite about it. She could have made a multitude of excuses, the world gets by with the use of little white lies so that people do not get hurt/upset/angry.

CarmelasFridge · 12/12/2014 11:49

She'll be one of those "I tell it like it is" people.

HaroldsBishop · 12/12/2014 11:50

I she had known you were eavesdropping on her conversation she might have sugar coated it a bit.

Monmouth · 12/12/2014 11:53

I like most of my colleagues and get on well with them but they are not my friends. I try to avoid work gatherings.

She was unnecessarily rude though.

Original poster

Fallingovercliffs · 12/12/2014 11:55

I wasn't eavesdropping Harolds. I was sitting a few feet away from them and they were talking in a normal tone.

OP posts:

whoneedssleepanyway · 12/12/2014 12:00

Really Worra you don't think her delivery was even in the slightest bit rude.

"Work Christmas Parties aren't really my thing" or

"I don't really have the time for the work party"

would both suffice, it is the "God No" which I think is unnecessary..

Original poster

Fallingovercliffs · 12/12/2014 12:04

It was also said in a very dismissive, 'as if I'd even dream of going' way. I have no issue with people saying they don't want to go, they don't feel like it, or whatever.
It's people doing the big 'I have a life' act that annoy me.

OP posts:

MrsMaker83 · 12/12/2014 12:05

Nothing wrong with her reasons, no need for her to be so rude though!

Sorry I already have plans would have been fine!

OOAOML · 12/12/2014 12:07

She's brave - in a lot of places it seems to be almost compulsory to go to the Christmas do unless you have a good reason not to (children are brilliant for this ). I'm lucky in that I really want to go to my work one next week - it is generally a brilliant night. But I've worked in teams before where the thought of giving up an evening and paying for the privilege of spending time with people I don't get on with has given me the rage (to be fair that team had pretty much broken down following some completely unacceptable behaviour from some members, so was a bit of an extreme example). If I didn't want to go I would generally do the 'oh what a shame my husband is out and I can't find a babysitter' rather than actually say I didn't want to go. Although I did once tell a manager I wasn't going on a night out (not a Christmas one) because of the disgraceful behaviour from a colleague at the last one.

momb · 12/12/2014 12:19

It's so easy to give offense in these situations. I usually decline our team lunch: always at a lovely gastropub, always over 30 a head.
It's not even that I couldn't afford it if I really wanted to, it's just that I have so many other things I'd rather spend 30 on. They probably think I'm rude too :-(

BeCool · 12/12/2014 12:22

I really like my colleagues, I still don't want to spend evenings with them. Which is why we have our Xmas party during the day :)

I think the more interesting question here is - OP why do you feel like a "saddos toddling along to the office do?". (Your words!)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a Xmas party.

BeCool · 12/12/2014 12:26

momb I would to in your situation. Luckily my employer pays for our do, but if I was having to pay a lot of money for the lunch or whatever, I'd rather spend it on going with a friend or the DC.

Compulsory expensive parties/lunches etc at this time of the year are extremely unreasonable. XP used to have to pay £50 for his compulsory Xmas work celebration - he earned a fraction of what most other employees made, and it was most of his spare income in a month, let alone in December, and he had to go. Outrageous and unjust.

Original poster

Fallingovercliffs · 12/12/2014 12:26

I don't BeCool in fact I'm not going to the party myself as I genuinely have another arrangement for that night. I just feel that a lot of the people who do the whole 'turning their nose up' at the idea of going to the office party and making it clear that it's beneath them are trying to imply that those that are going have nothing better to do and that they themselves have a far more interesting life.

OP posts:

GoodboyBindleFeatherstone · 12/12/2014 12:27

I always gave an answer like the OP's colleague.

I tried being polite and simply declining, but then people don't let up with "oh please try and come. It'll be good fun. Can't your mum babysit?" etc, etc.

And that is just as rude and annoying.

BeCool · 12/12/2014 12:28

I think you will find most people don't feel like that though

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