to ask how you cope with Christmas at the in-laws?

[wanderingcloud]

It's our "turn" to spend Christmas with the in-laws. I'm dreading it. The last few times I've been there it's just been totally miserable (for me, DH loves it!) They are generally lovely people but they just do Christmas in a totally different way to my family. They don't bother with breakfast or dinner, preferring to just have a massive traditional Christmas lunch (I'm not really a fan of roast dinners of any sort). Plus, inlaws don't have much space with all the family staying. We always have to sleep on the blow up mattress in the living room which means you can't go to bed until the last person turns in for the night and you have to get up when the first person wakes in the morning. Every year spent there my overriding memory is of being totally knackered and hungry. This year I'm also 30 weeks pregnant so my prior plan of coping by getting a bit tipsy is out! DH will disappear for hours on end playing computer games with his brother and I'll end up offering to wash up to avoid sitting with great aunt Doris and old uncle Albert watching crap TV. How can I make it more bearable?

I don't know, my I pad's brain is in christmas mode

LOL fishwithabicycle - you must remember that not everyone has a stable, ox or ass in order to accommodate such heavily pregnant women.
the Holiday Inn sounds much better and perhaps this innkeeper wont turn wanderingcloud away.

Is there room at the inn, OP?

Fuck that! My days of staying in someone's lounge so you get zero privacy and have to make small talk until the last man is standing are OVER. I'm not a student anymore!!

Holiday Inn sounds like a great idea, hope you have a nice time this year!!

I would be making damn sure that you tell dh you wont be going next year.When i had my kids i stayed home,no way was i traipsing round wiht 2 small kids.
Get it started now about not going next year.Start your own traditions.

Good luck op, agree as in laws go ...they dont sound bad really and you cant blame them for having a large roast on xmas day!!

as for no one realising about your pregnancy....well...yes its silly and thoughtless but we must stop relying on other people to read our minds, know how we are feeling etc etc.

Your MIL may have been camping at 40 weeks pregnant up the Eiger...and think nothing of you on an airbed.

Its up to you to make sure its NOT ok for YOU, and you need more comforts...and also more food....dh should have a kindly word with your HOST about this.....to ensure you have picks or bring your own and bung in fridge.

Honestly, stand up for yourself....people are so wrapped up in own world ...even sweetest most thoughtful people sometimes have distracting stuff going on, your responsible for yourself and for communicating how you feel and what you want.

its a different story entirely when you do that and other people ignore or override it.

I too was banished to the blow up bed when 30 weeks pregnant. I hadn't known it was going to happen, no-one warned me. I was so upset, I kept rolling off it and couldn't get up. They had loads of bedrooms upstairs but couldn't be arsed to clear them out of the utter crap they won't sort out. We had a blow-up mattress on the dining room floor, bil and SiL had a slightly more comfortable sofabed in the sitting room, their logic being that the dining room could be made more private. I was so tired when I was there, I desperately needed a nap and went upstairs to try to find anywhere, just anywhere to escape everyone to have a sleep. That was when I discovered that MiL is a baglady who has the good fortune to have loads of rooms that she can fill with crap to waist-height instead of just in a trolley. I was just gazing longingly at the waist-level sea of old magazines in one room and wondering how comfortable it could be, when she appeared by my side and asked frostily what I was doing, when I burst into tears and said I just needed a lie-down and sleep. She put me in her bed. I couldn't get out on her side because the piles of clothes and books were as high as the bed on that side, but it was bliss.

Of course I couldn't get to sleep again that night on the blowup bed, not helped by BiL and SiL having loud drunken sex in the next room, and about 4am I awoke to find that the bed had deflated. By the time everyone else was awake, we were up, dressed and breakfasted and ready to go.

Not my fondest memory. I could write a book about places they have tried to make us sleep in since then, but now I am older and wiser I make them sleep on their own old sofa bed when they come to stay with us. They gave it to us a few years later after we had been promoted with the birth of their GS. Every year they complain about how cramped and uncomfortable it is, every year we say 'But you made us sleep on it for years!'

Wanderingcloud, you Dad sounds like a an absolute diamond! With us its the other way round, my in-laws are fab & always loads of food (normally only 5 of us in a pretty reasonable house), but they are much more frugal with presents as only get one each. My husband's time with his in-laws though? A nightmare! They spend plenty on presents & generally have enough food, but we often get roped into cooking, particularly breakfasts as my hubby used to be a chef. Or these days we have to deal wiv one of my sister's & her hubby wanting to cook / make drinks all the time (they are very foodie)!! Mostly we aren't always there together as my folks now have 2 bed bungalow after retiring, but sometimes we are and everyone always argues (especially my parents - with each other). This year (as with last year - was pregnant then, lost baby in Jan and am now 24 weeks pregnant), I can't drink to cope, but I will have a bed at least :-) ho hum, hubby will cope by going on his laptop in bedroom to escape now and then and my other sister coming for day wiv her 6 week old will liven things up!!
Feel your pain, strongly recommend you research hotel prices! Use the pregnancy as an excuse saying you need to be comfortable and take snacks!

Hotel is booked. MIL was a bit put out I think, she offered us the airbed in the dining room instead of the living room bless her. They haven't seen me since the summer so I think they probably just genuinely don't realise how huge and tank-like I have become! I have also informed DH I will be taking ample snacks on the day. I should stress, I don't object to Christmas dinner being served on Christmas day, it's just not something I would choose to have myself. I think I'm a fairly good guest, I would never, ever, complain about food a host served me. I just find it tough not having any other options presented all day because everyone else is so stuffed full of roast dinner! On other days of the year I persuade DH to sneak out for a Subway or an indian later on but at Christmas options are limited!

Good stuff. I'm still slightly surprised that nobody (except you!) thought of the fact that you would not be in any way comfortable on an air bed, at this stage of your pregnancy!
Enjoy the hotel, and relax as much as you can. And start planting the idea in good time, that next year you will be staying home!
All the best with the rest of your pregnancy and have a lovely Christmas!

Yay! well done. A perfectly-handled solution.

Well done, you have to be firm. Why should she be put out, she will have less people in the house, you are pregnant, why should you camp like a 16 year old. Even in my non pregnant state, I am 37, noway woukd I want to do that!

thak goodness well done you op!! you can start to look forward to it now.

Thank heavens for your update OP. I was just coming on to suggest that clearly your blood pressure is all over the place so obviously you cannot travel.

Barbara to be honest it does seem a bit sad for your PILs if they never get to see their only grandchildren at Christmas. I can understand why you wouldn't want to go there if they don't really 'do' Christmas, but I think I'd feel very hurt if one side of the family was prioritised like that, especially if they already have more children around. Maybe you could host one year for them and then you'll be in control of how things are done. Can I apologise massively if that sounds interfering, obviously I don't know the situation at all and you do. I just wanted to suggest that sometimes larger families can forget how it might feel to be excluded. It could be a completely different context though so excuse me if so. Sorry to go off topic OP, and very glad you won't be on the airbed - in any room!

So am I, years later the thought of it still makes me want to weep! Especially when the flaming thing went down in the middle of the night.

Yy temporary