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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you cope with Christmas at the in-laws?

142 replies

wanderingcloud · 10/12/2014 21:41

It's our "turn" to spend Christmas with the in-laws. I'm dreading it. The last few times I've been there it's just been totally miserable (for me, DH loves it!) They are generally lovely people but they just do Christmas in a totally different way to my family. They don't bother with breakfast or dinner, preferring to just have a massive traditional Christmas lunch (I'm not really a fan of roast dinners of any sort). Plus, inlaws don't have much space with all the family staying. We always have to sleep on the blow up mattress in the living room which means you can't go to bed until the last person turns in for the night and you have to get up when the first person wakes in the morning. Every year spent there my overriding memory is of being totally knackered and hungry. This year I'm also 30 weeks pregnant so my prior plan of coping by getting a bit tipsy is out! Grin DH will disappear for hours on end playing computer games with his brother and I'll end up offering to wash up to avoid sitting with great aunt Doris and old uncle Albert watching crap TV. How can I make it more bearable?

OP posts:
bigbluestars · 10/12/2014 22:21

Once our first child was born we didn;t budge for christmas. People are welcome to visit, but we don't move. Becoming a matriarch is lovely!

LittleRedRidingHoodie · 10/12/2014 22:22

Maybe even speaking to the in-laws about hotels might help you... 'Can you recommend any local b&bs/hotels as I really can't sleep on an air bed and it might help ease congestion and I'm a bit hungrier than normal etc.' they might twig and offer you a proper bed. I honestly can't believe they're so unthinking. Have they SEEN a pregnant woman recently? I can barely heave myself off the sofa.

Doilooklikeatourist · 10/12/2014 22:32

I had diarrhoea from stress when we last stayed at PILs
I was on a sofa (small 2 seater ) DH on the floor
DD in a single bed in the spare room
DS on a camp bed in PILs room

Never again and it's been about 16 years ....

Don't stay there ..
Go to a travelodge..
Hire a campervan..
Pitch a tent..

Pack biscuits and fruitshoots yoghurt and bananas

Stay at home next year , and all the years after !

We're at home alone this year , just the 4 of us ..lovely..

SolidGoldBrass · 10/12/2014 22:39

At 30 weeks, you could go into labour as a way of getting out of staying there. OK, not really but you could, perhaps, use the threat of it in order to either not go or stay in a hotel.

(and, TBH, going into labour at 30 weeks is not impossible. Any aunts/sisters/grans/cousins in your family who had an early baby?)

Minshu · 10/12/2014 22:39

This is going against the tide, but I comfortably slept on an air bed in a tent when 27 weeks pregnant and would have been comfy to do so until much later. So, if hotels are too expensive, take a tent to put up in the living room over your air bed to give you some privacy Wink Let them try watching crap tv past that!

Original poster
wanderingcloud · 10/12/2014 22:40

I'm feeling more empowered now. I was worried I would seem like I'm being a bit precious about the air bed but seems IANBU on that point at least!

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 10/12/2014 22:44

Fucking hell, I'll be 30 weeks on Christmas day and already the only place I'm comfortable is propped up in bed.

And as for eating one large meal, well that's just impossible. There is no space in there for a large meal - I can manage a sandwich at most at any one time.

Aherdofmims · 10/12/2014 22:44

Hotel or someone gives you a bedroom. Only way. How could anyone sleep on a real bed while a pregnant woman is on an air bed. Even if she is married to their younger brother (weird reasoning IMO).

I don't think my little brother would accept this for his wife and nor should he!

Inertia · 10/12/2014 22:45

Sorry but heavily pregnant trumps sibling order in terms of getting a bed! I can't believe everybody is genuinely happy to go along with the idea of making a woman in the last trimester sleep on a blow-up mattress and not be able to go to sleep until everyone else has gone to bed!

I'd be saying proper bedroom and access to food (take your own), or hotel, or stay at home. Being hungry, knackered and heavily pregnant is nobody's idea of fun.

And take some books for when DH disappears.

YellowTulips · 10/12/2014 22:46

YABU to book a travelodge Wink

If DH wants a family Xmas then book somewhere really lovely that does great breakfasts Grin (and spend as much time there as you can).

Fairylea · 10/12/2014 22:47

I just wouldn't go. But then I've been married 3 times and I am too old to make compromises. Luckily I'm now with someone who is exactly the same as me so we just spend Christmas at home together with the dc and everyone else can either come and visit us for an hour or so or we will go and visit them for a short while but no way either of us would stay with anyone for a whole weekend or even a whole day.

LittleRedRidingHoodie · 10/12/2014 22:48

Minshu - you are incredibly lucky. I have had pgp and rib flare since week 16 and would not have been able to sleep on an air bed from that point onwards. I think it's outrageously rude to have a heavily pregnant guest sleep, effectively, on the floor in a room where she can't go to sleep early or lay in or have any privacy. One of the other siblings should offer to give up their bed but since that hasn't happened I think wandering should definitely either not go or stay in a hotel. What happens when you have children? Maybe setting a precedent for staying elsewhere wouldn't be a bad idea generally.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/12/2014 22:49

Travelodge/premier inns are quite reasonable, don't know over Christmas though. But if not, then stay at home or with your family, and DH can go to his.

Tobeemoree · 10/12/2014 22:51

Woah. What? You're heavily pregnant and others are claiming a few years on you as a prerogative for a decent bed? Nu-uh.

A hotel room is the very minimum. You need a space to escape to for rest, for time out, for whatever the hell you want. Yes, it may cost a bit more. If others aren't prepared to vacate a bedroom for you, or your H isn't prepared to ask - it's worth it.

It goes without saying that you also need your own snack stall, not available to anyone else. Pregnancy hunger is amazing!

unclerory · 10/12/2014 22:52

We don't go to the ILs for Christmas anymore (we did that prechildren, now we have Christmas at home) but when we did I did more and more each year to make it more to my liking. MIL, depending on a whim, can either have nothing prepared foodwise or have everything homemade. Since there was never any guessing which it was I'd take a hamper with my homemade Christmas pudding and various treats to share. After not getting any port one year I always had a case of booze delivered. FIL was horrified the first year and said we'd never get through it. Funnily enough, with 7 adults staying for nearly 2 weeks we easily got through all the wine.

Glad to hear you are booking a hotel, I can't believe they are expecting a heavily pregnant woman to sleep on an airbed on the sitting room floor. When I was pregnant with DS we went on holiday with the ILs (to a gorgeous manor house) and I slept most of the time, hidden away in our bedroom (luckily the only bedroom with wifi!). I could not have coped if I'd not had my own space to retreat to.

Original poster
wanderingcloud · 10/12/2014 22:56

In fairness, his siblings have children who will need to be in bed earlier hence why they have always taken priority for bedrooms.

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 10/12/2014 23:00

Still not a reasonable excuse for you to be on an air bed though Hmm

Aeroflotgirl · 10/12/2014 23:02

In tgat case have Christmas at home, set a tradition.

Tobeemoree · 10/12/2014 23:03

Hmm. Children can and do share rooms with their cousins. There has to be a fairer sleeping arrangement. For you, anyway ;)

TracyBarlow · 10/12/2014 23:04

Different traditions,,in guess you have to suck up.

Air bed at 30 weeks pregnant? No fucking way. I can't believe they'd actually expect you to do that! Get booked into a Premier Inn.

Ohfourfoxache · 10/12/2014 23:08

Fwiw I've just asked DH what he would do/say if it were us.

Suffice to say we would not be going! (He was not particularly polite!)

meandjulio · 10/12/2014 23:09

'I'm finding that meekly going along with what everyone else wants can leave you in a bad place, but calmly arranging things in a way that works for you, without making it anyone else's problem, can be fantastic.'

This. Don't be a martyr, but do go and join in their Christmas. Since I told dh to stop being an idiot just go and take a break when he felt he couldn't be around people for one more minute, actually he finds that he can cope a lot better. If you want to go for a walk, go for a walk; if you want to go for a lie down, go for a lie down IN YOUR LOVELY TRAVELODGE ROOM though actually these days I would book a Premier Inn or Days Inn if you can find them as Travelodge appear to be trying to save money by having cheaper beds, they're not as comfy as they used to be.

Original poster
wanderingcloud · 10/12/2014 23:12

I can only imagine SIL's face if I suggested she went on the airbed and DH and I sleep in the room with her DCs. It'd be a picture! As much as I love her, she has a reputation within the family for being exceedingly stroppy and demanding. No way she would comprise her own comfort for anyone else, pregnant or not.

OP posts:
IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 10/12/2014 23:17

Get yourself a bedroom young lady! And if not book a hotel, will be a great excuse for going back early.

Ps if your DH abandons you to play computer games leaving you to wash up at his parents house, he needs a good talking to!

QuickSilverFairy · 10/12/2014 23:23

Fairylea, if you are ever in the market for a fourth marriage..please consider me! Xmas Grin

Honey, you are freighting an entire human being..Your need for comfort ( and food!) should be the priority..

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