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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you cope with Christmas at the in-laws?

142 replies

wanderingcloud · 10/12/2014 21:41

It's our "turn" to spend Christmas with the in-laws. I'm dreading it. The last few times I've been there it's just been totally miserable (for me, DH loves it!) They are generally lovely people but they just do Christmas in a totally different way to my family. They don't bother with breakfast or dinner, preferring to just have a massive traditional Christmas lunch (I'm not really a fan of roast dinners of any sort). Plus, inlaws don't have much space with all the family staying. We always have to sleep on the blow up mattress in the living room which means you can't go to bed until the last person turns in for the night and you have to get up when the first person wakes in the morning. Every year spent there my overriding memory is of being totally knackered and hungry. This year I'm also 30 weeks pregnant so my prior plan of coping by getting a bit tipsy is out! Grin DH will disappear for hours on end playing computer games with his brother and I'll end up offering to wash up to avoid sitting with great aunt Doris and old uncle Albert watching crap TV. How can I make it more bearable?

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 11/12/2014 08:01

Yes, i would be 'suggesting' the hotel room to DH out of politeness only. There would follow a gentle discussion about it - location, cost, length of stay, ect;, ending with the outcome that the room would be booked 10 mins later.

It would be a done deal to me.

the room may or may not have been booked even before the 'suggestion' phase in fact Grin

FishWithABicycle · 11/12/2014 08:06

Just book the hotel. Don't suggest it. It can be your Christmas present to yourself.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2014 08:09

Exactly fluffy, if DH is not happy about it, then the alternative is to stay at home! Put your foot down, I woukd not compromise in this, sounds awful and I'm not 30 weeks pg, your a pregnant woman not a teenager or student anymore. They are shameful hosts if they would let a pregnant lady sleep on the floor rather than a bed, if your DH cannot see this, he is just as bad. When he goes there, he should be in the role of your DH and soon to be father, not 15 year old boy. He's past that now!

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2014 08:10

Yes I would book it, before they get booked up.

DraggingDownDownDown · 11/12/2014 08:17

If he doesn't want to stay in the hotel then you could alone. A lovely big bed to stretch out in.

fluffyraggies · 11/12/2014 08:25

And ...

I adore my children and love a big family xmas, BUT ...

this is your last xmas as just you and DH as a couple. Have a bit of luxury. Take a bit of tinsel to hang over the bed head. Some massage oil. Hot chocolate to make in the room. Snuggley couple time in the hotel on xmas eve and xmas morning. Special breakfast in your room before going on to ILs. Lovely actually! Enjoy it OP :)

BooDidIScareYou · 11/12/2014 08:37

I'm not even pregnant and hell would freeze over before I'd spend my Christmas sleeping on an airbed in anyone's lounge!!

So IMO, YADDNBU. If you can't get out of going, then definitely a hotel, and if it were me as soon as I'd got fed up of Doris and Albert I'd be coming over all 'ooh I'm exhausted, it's tough being this pregnant, I'm off back to the hotel as I need a lie down, enjoy your evening people'. Then I would head back to the hotel (where I had left my stash of chocolates / snacks) and have a lovely evening lying on the bed, stuffing my face and watching what I wanted on the telly.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 11/12/2014 08:40

OP definitely book a room somewhere, expecting you to stay on a blow up mattress is ridiculous. Take some snacks too, if anyone says anything just say your midwife has advised small regular meals/snacks to keep your blood sugars steady or something like that.

I know you said you're not a fan of roast dinners but maybe you could eat a small portion as one of those small meals.

Jill2015 · 11/12/2014 08:45

Oh and someone upthread mentioned the Premier Inn beds, I love them.
Sleeping on a blow up bed is zero fun, past the age of about 8, IMO. Ok as a last resort, but definitely not at 30 weeks pregnant, and in a room where you have zero privacy or chance to lie in.

I hope that you are on a hotel booking website right now.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2014 08:49

Boo great idea Smile

fluffyraggies · 11/12/2014 08:52

I hope that you are on a hotel booking website right now.

So do i! :)

I'll be back later checking, so let us know! Wink

Walkacrossthesand · 11/12/2014 09:02

This is a long-term thing too - next time it's Christmas @ PILs you will have a rising-2 year old so you'll need a bedroom too. Ergo, either PILs offer their room to you, or you sleep in the Premier Inn you've found. And the 'new way' is starting this Christmas ... Wink

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2014 09:07

Exactly, set a standard for the future as your PIL do not have the facilities.

Jill2015 · 11/12/2014 09:07

Or next year they come to your house, cos you aren't travelling with a small child. And the stroppy SIL can have the air bed. .

hellyhants · 11/12/2014 09:14

If there are beds in the house I would insist on having one of them. Youngest sibling - ridiculous! You're heavily pregnant. One of his siblings and partner can have the airbed.

And take some breakfast - and snacks as other people have suggested.

I wouldn't stay in a hotel because they are dismal at Christmas unless they are actually arranging a proper Christmas thing, and then you'd have to pay the full package. You should not have to fork out for a hotel because the siblings are too selfish to give up a bed to a pregnant lady. Also not being able to go to bed would be a deal-breaker for me - I need my sleep and there's no way I could stay up until 1am or whenever the last person went to bed. Surely the person who stays up latest should have the airbed!

outofcontrol2014 · 11/12/2014 09:16

You have my sympathies, as a fellow airbed on the floor sufferer.

I would definitely book into a hotel!

MehsMum · 11/12/2014 09:21

Is that hotel booked yet? Alternatively hire one of those things the Americans call recreational vehicles and park it outside the PILs. They look like camper vans on steroids. PILS should get the hint.

Or just say, very politely, that you will not come unless you can have a bed, owing to being... VERY pregnant.

Also, ask for a 'Learn to Crochet' book for Christmas, complete will some nice yarn and a set of hooks, and sit in a corner corner saying, 'Gosh, what a lovely present, I'm really enjoying this' as the TV drones on.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 11/12/2014 09:27

I wouldn't go there without guarantee of a bed/bedroom.

For last child free Christmas, you could go to your Dads and get pampered and let your DH go to his parents. Then start new tradition next year, stay at your with your LO.

ToffeeCaramel · 11/12/2014 09:34

Have you actually asked if you can have a bed this year as you will be 30 weeks and they've said "No you will have to sleep on an air bed in the lounge? "

divafever24 · 11/12/2014 10:04

What is it with in laws not feeding people? I was in a similar situation when pregnant with dd, I was 36 weeks pregnant at Christmas and just flat refused to stay with in laws due to lack of food, comfort and the excuse "I might go into early labour" I sent dh on his own. Had the best couple of days watching crap tv and eating whatever I wanted! We will be visiting for a couple of days this year bury there are conditions. I will be going in my car, so that me and dd can actually get out of the house (made the mistake last year of going in dh car which I am not insured on. I was up early with dd, no one else would surface til midday and when awake all Dh wanted to do was just sit and watch sport on tv with pil while dd went mad with cabin fever). Like last year I will also be taking some food, fruit, cereal bars, biscuits for dd and I to survive on as "toddlers need regular snacks" (and I cannot survive on 1 meal a day!). At the end of the day it's only a couple of days out of the year, and I try and make the best of it. Definite no to the air bed though! I would break the tradition now and book hotel, think about what it will be like next year with you own child.

ProfYaffle · 11/12/2014 10:21

"What is it with in laws not feeding people?" Mine are the same! We now tackle it by having Xmas morning at home and timing our arrival at pil to co-incide with the main meal being served. Means we miss the 'hanging around starving' part of Xmas day and just plunge straight into the fun bit.

As pp have said, now is a good time to start new Xmas arrangements. When I was pg with dd1, dh and I had Xmas away in a cottage by ourselves because it was our last opportunity to have Xmas as a couple. After that we started a 3 year rotation between Xmas at home, with my parents and with pil.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 11/12/2014 12:21

I wouldn't go. Even if not pregnant tbh. What are you going to do when you have dc in tow?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 11/12/2014 12:23

In fact, im not sure i could have married dh if he we had had to visit other ppl at Christmas. Tiresome.

Fallingovercliffs · 11/12/2014 12:38

The bed in the sitting room thing is ridiculous. 'You're the youngest' kind of goes out the window when people grow up. At the very least, people should take turns at being the ones dumped on the air bed in the main reception room. And definitely, if you're pregnant, it's unacceptable to expect you to sleep there again. I would definitely be putting my foot down over that. Apart from anything else, you won't particularly want to be sitting around exhausted and waiting for everyone else to go to bed before you can settle down for the night. I can't believe your PILs can't understand this.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/12/2014 12:38

The 'reverting to teenage self' thing is one of the reasons why I don't like going to my mum's house - I hate the feeling that somehow I stop being an adult and a parent, and become a child again. And it's not that my mum expects this from me, or treats me like a child, it is just an inescapable feeling I get. I got it last year, when I went on holiday with my mum and sister - it was a celebration for her 80th - but it was a nightmare for me.

However, whilst I do think it isn't unusual to feel that way, when you go back to your childhood home, I don't think it is reasonable to behave like a teenager, just because you are feeling like one - especially if you have a pregnant wife to take care of!

I hope you have booked the hotel, OP!