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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you cope with Christmas at the in-laws?

142 replies

wanderingcloud · 10/12/2014 21:41

It's our "turn" to spend Christmas with the in-laws. I'm dreading it. The last few times I've been there it's just been totally miserable (for me, DH loves it!) They are generally lovely people but they just do Christmas in a totally different way to my family. They don't bother with breakfast or dinner, preferring to just have a massive traditional Christmas lunch (I'm not really a fan of roast dinners of any sort). Plus, inlaws don't have much space with all the family staying. We always have to sleep on the blow up mattress in the living room which means you can't go to bed until the last person turns in for the night and you have to get up when the first person wakes in the morning. Every year spent there my overriding memory is of being totally knackered and hungry. This year I'm also 30 weeks pregnant so my prior plan of coping by getting a bit tipsy is out! Grin DH will disappear for hours on end playing computer games with his brother and I'll end up offering to wash up to avoid sitting with great aunt Doris and old uncle Albert watching crap TV. How can I make it more bearable?

OP posts:
CocobearSqueeze · 10/12/2014 23:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Whatsthewhatsthebody · 10/12/2014 23:27

Well my inlaws were bloody ace and now sadly dead.

However you have the trump pregnancy card do play it petal.

Personally I wouldn't go of that upduffed but if you really want to/think you should most definatly defiantly book a hotel bed and no driving, get a taxi. Also sit on your arse and do nothing the whole visit.

Jees.

beatofthedrum · 10/12/2014 23:29

Wow, I agree absolutely that expecting you to sleep on an air bed at 30 weeks preg is absolutely ridiculous and I'm amazed your hosts can't see that. I'm amazed your husband can't see that. I'm amazed anyone can't see that.

Amy106 · 10/12/2014 23:29

To Do List for Your Own Comfort

  1. Book a hotel or B and B with lovely, real beds and a good breakfast
  2. Pack a suitcase of delicious snacks more than enough for your visit
  3. Have regular naps either at your hotel room or in one of the PIL's bedrooms throughout the day
  4. Leave the washing up to the non pregnant people
  5. Plan entertainment for yourself...a book, computer game, MN, a lovely long text message exchange with a friend, a walk on your own
Good luck!Xmas Smile
TiggerLillies · 10/12/2014 23:33

Pregnancy trumps all!
I offered to go to the inlaws this Christmas, husband refused due to my advanced stages of pregnancy. But I honestly could not have coped with an air bed at 30 weeks. My own mum offered to sleep on an airbed if I stayed at theirs for Christmas, I refused as, well she is in her 70s and had had hip issues. I couldn't live with myself! We are having a quiet Christmas at home and seeing the relatives in the upcoming weekends. Everyone is happy.

Your sister in law is not moved, 'cos she has that reputation? Then you need to develop a reputation too - as next time you will also have a child there. No more airbeds!

Aherdofmims · 10/12/2014 23:41

I agree you don't want to share with other people's Dcs. Worse than the air bed probably. But if there are no rooms that don't come with Dcs attached then a hotel it is.

However I don't see why the various Dcs don't share some room freeing up some other adults to go on the air bed while you get a room. However I may have misunderstood the lay out of the house and number of people concerned.

Original poster
wanderingcloud · 11/12/2014 00:11

Mil and fil are both in good health, young as grandparents go. They haven't leapt to offer their bed... Hmm BIL is actually single and has his "own" room. It's a tiny box room and tbh I'm not totally sure I would want to sleep in there... It smells interesting and is his den for reverting to being 15yrs old along with DH. Then DSIL, her DH and their kids take the last bedroom. Have found a reasonably priced Premier Inn not too far away. I'm going to suggest it to DH.

OP posts:
Riverland · 11/12/2014 00:22

Gobsmacked doesn't cover it. Xmas Shock

airbed on the living room floor ?!?!? At 30 weeks pregnant!

What kind of hosts are these?

Gah, I def would be staying at home!

radiobedhead · 11/12/2014 01:16

Just book it. DH can sleep on the floor at his parents if he really wants can't he?! You'll get the whole bed then.

I wouldn't stay on an air bed for anything, pregnant or not, and thankfully DH wouldn't expect me to.

SolidGoldBrass · 11/12/2014 01:41

I would, also, be keeping a bit of a watchful eye on an H who not only is unconcerned at the prospect of his heavily-pregnant wife being tired and hungry over Xmas, but who is normally prepared to ignore her over Xmas while he plays games with his brother.
Is he generally lovely and just reverts to being a thoughtless teenager when staying with his parents, OP? Or are you regularly expected to 'not make a fuss' and give way to him and other people all the time?

NickiFury · 11/12/2014 01:49

I wouldn't be needing a hotel for this particular visit as I would never go at thirty weeks pregnant. If I can't have my own way then, when can I? but then I always had a reputation for being "difficult " with my exes family.

Agree with SGB about your DH though, he sounds really rather selfish.

vvviola · 11/12/2014 02:30

Everyone else seems to have covered the sleeping/eating issues (I agree with hotel and suitcase of snacks, by the way)

For the "sitting watching crap tv with Aunt Doris" issue - do you do any crafts? One of the things that saves me when we visit MIL (teeny tiny house, all expected to sit and watch crap TV together until she declares at 8pm that it's bed time and you are made feel you have to go to bed too) is my knitting. I can sit sociably in the corner, concentrate on something I enjoy and make appropriately interested sounds when required. It's wonderful for my sanity remind me of this post on Boxing Day, New Years Day and all the days between please

temporaryusername · 11/12/2014 02:45

I think if you say that you can't manage at air bed in the living room at this stage in your pregnancy, no-one could question it (surely?). I'd tell you DH you don't want to put any of them out so either a hotel, or if he is concerned about the cost consider him going there and you going to your own family. I'd normally say make the best of it, but I think to ask someone 30 weeks pregnant to sleep on an air bed in a room without much privacy is a bit, um, unaccommodating.

Original poster
wanderingcloud · 11/12/2014 06:20

DH is usually a complete star. A whizz around the house, takes very good care of me and actually quite mature 99.9% of the time. Grin It's only when he goes home and is in the presence of his DB that he seems to revert to his teenage-like self. BIL is an overgrown teen most of the time, always has to have the latest games console/game. He's got limited ougoings (being single, living in student shared accommodation but earning a decent enough salary whilst persuing studies) so has the disposable income to fund his lifestyle. I think know DH has a part of him that is envious of him and his lack of commitments as well as big heap of the typical big bro hero-worshipping. BIL and he live really far from each other and inlaws so it's only on the rare occasions when they both go home that he is like this!

OP posts:
ToAvoidConversation · 11/12/2014 06:41

Get that hotel booked. It's christms, it'll book up fast! 30 weeks on an airbed?! No chance. I'll be a few weeks behind you and we're thinking about returning home on christmas night just because our bed is more comfortable than the inlaws and they are about an hour away. I need space for all my pillows!

Nocturne123 · 11/12/2014 07:14

Definitely book a hotel if you can!
Being so pregnant on an air bed would not be pleasant Sad

Last year it was my turn at the in laws so I orchestrated appendicitis . I don't suggest you do this as Christmas Day plus surgery wasn't fun but it was a very dramatic excuse .

WipsGlitter · 11/12/2014 07:23

I just could not do that. The lack of privacy and having to keep all you stuff in a suitcase. Nightmare. Book a hotel NOW!!!

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2014 07:29

No no don't dont suggest the Premier in, YOU BOOK IT! Or tell DH he can go by himself, no ifs or buts. You need comfort this year and I am surprised tgat your DH has not suggested that.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2014 07:31

Set a standard, each time you go to theirs you book the hotel as they do not have the facilities to cater for a lot of people, I woukd tell DH that, put your foot down.

LucilleBluth · 11/12/2014 07:33

The air bed situation is madness, no way, not on...BUT I think it sounds nice for your DH to go home to be with his bro and parents, especially as he doesn't do it often......my DCs are little but I have two DSs and a DD, I can imagine DS2 being like your DH, although I wouldn't put my pregnant DIL on an air bed.

fluffyraggies · 11/12/2014 07:41

It's only when he goes home ... that he seems to revert to his teenage-like self

I recognise this OP! I used to find it a bit Hmm

It all changed though this year when DD was born. She is his first (my 4th), he has grown up practically overnight and he is now a parent at his parents instead of a child at his parents. If that makes sense!?

Anyway - just to reiterate - get a hotel room. You are no longer the 'young childless couple', and if there is no bedroom for you at ILs then you cant sleep there.

Next year you'll have a child of your own so you'll want to be at home building you own family rituals and your ILs can come and sleep on the living room floor.

Jill2015 · 11/12/2014 07:52

Definitely book a hotel room. The thought of someone at 30 weeks pregnant struggling up off an air bed. Just NO!

JT05 · 11/12/2014 07:52

Wandering cloud: Your MIL must be so delighted that she's brought up a son who values his PILs and appreciates them.

MorrisZapp · 11/12/2014 07:56

I don't sleep in anybody's house but my own. I love hotels, and I love my best friends house where I am given a very comfortable room of my own, but other than that, it's a no thanks from me.

Why consult your DH? You are an adult and you get to say where you sleep, assuming you have funds for a hotel.

I'm very fussy about hotels and I love Premier Inn, I've stayed in heaps of them and they are the gold standard of home away from home for me. Lovely big comfy beds and always spotlessly clean. The staff are ace too and very relaxed and helpful with lone female guests.

I also love Hotel du Vin and the Delano in Miami but that's mainly for birthdays ending in zero :)

MorrisZapp · 11/12/2014 07:57

Ps not liking a roast dinner at Christmas is a bit niche, think you could self cater a bit if you're not into that tradition.

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