to ask how you cope with Christmas at the in-laws?

[wanderingcloud]

It's our "turn" to spend Christmas with the in-laws. I'm dreading it. The last few times I've been there it's just been totally miserable (for me, DH loves it!) They are generally lovely people but they just do Christmas in a totally different way to my family. They don't bother with breakfast or dinner, preferring to just have a massive traditional Christmas lunch (I'm not really a fan of roast dinners of any sort). Plus, inlaws don't have much space with all the family staying. We always have to sleep on the blow up mattress in the living room which means you can't go to bed until the last person turns in for the night and you have to get up when the first person wakes in the morning. Every year spent there my overriding memory is of being totally knackered and hungry. This year I'm also 30 weeks pregnant so my prior plan of coping by getting a bit tipsy is out! DH will disappear for hours on end playing computer games with his brother and I'll end up offering to wash up to avoid sitting with great aunt Doris and old uncle Albert watching crap TV. How can I make it more bearable?

With regards to the hours away from you in the daytime - can you not force your way into the computer games? Play 'winner stays on' and make them open the window for half an hour before you settle down - as the baby needs fresh air.
Then (if you don't enjoy the computer games) start reading a book and forgot to ask for your turn on the computer and work your way through a box of Christmas chocolates with a cup of tea.

Have you booked the hotel yet?

Book the hotel! Book the hotel!

Seriously, in both pregnancies using an air bed would have caused me damaged muscles at the least. You've got to keep on going after Christmas so there's no point injuring yourself or exhausting yourself.

You're making another human being! It's hard work.

Get booking that hotel with breakfast. Either DH sorts you out a bed at his DParents or you stump up the cost. 30wks pregnant and on an air bed would be a deal breaker for me.

Take snacks to keep you going and if DH is open to it, suggest getting out of the house for a bit. DH and I have a code word but even if it's just a walk around the block and a bit of alone time, it's really nice. On Christmas morning, DH and I would go for a walk on the beach when at my parents. It kills some time and is lovely in the fresh air.

I've taken up crochet and my first project was at the PIL over christmas three years ago, where I crocheted a scarf in really chunky yarn. Took me two days and it was great as I didn't have to watch the rubbish on TV but was still sat in the lounge with everyone. Take a good book or anything else that might keep you occupied.

Small words and lots of patience.

So I did some probing this morning with DH re: sleeping arrangements as obviously it's not going to be "business as usual" due to being preg. He was genuinely perplexed to begin with. I gradually brought him around to the conclusion himself that a hotel really is the kindest thing all round as we don't want to turf anyone else out of their rooms. Helpfully, the premier Inn is close by and not booked up so he's going to book it this evening and give MIL a call to explain.

Thank fuck for that!

Get him to book it first then tell mil - just in case!

Yay!

Good.

Good result OP!

I've yet to spend Christmas with my PILs despite having been married for over 7 years. They're not big on festivities - the only decorations they have up are the cards they're sent. We've always said that we'd prioritise any family gatherings & my family are a bit Christmas mad so we've always ended up going there.

This year PILs did try to organise a family gathering on the 25th but it came up in conversation that DH's uncle is so anti-Christmas that we'd have more chance of getting him round for a meal if it was a new year celebration so they're organising that instead! I do feel a bit bad that we're favouring my family over them but our DC have no cousins on their side & 3 soon to be 4 on my side. It's just nice to get all the kids together. We'll end up going there for Christmas at some point I'm sure, & I don't doubt that they'll make a fuss of the DC... it's just not the same as what my family do!

Good news! I'm pleased for you. Sounds like a much more bearable Christmas. I hope your mil is a little bit ashamed she hadn't even factored you in.

How do you think your MIL will take it?

Your in-laws don't sound that bad compared to some of the horror stories I have read on here.

Have to agree that the bed situation is just insane though. I cannot believe that no-one has thought to offer you the bed?

Although could you just be assuming that you will have the airbed as usual? I am pretty sure when you get there they'd make allowances for you. Obviously check in advance and if not a hotel would get my vote, bit late for bookings now though Depending on where PIL live.

With regards to the food situation go armed with stuff you will be happy to eat. I love my Xmas dinner but if I didn't I'd take a load of M&S and Waitrose party stuff and bung that in the oven when they have finished cooking lunch.

I feel you pain, I will be 36w at Christmas and even the thought of a 15 minute walk to my parents house [and I adore my family Christmases] makes me feel a bit overwhelmed.

Just seen your update. Yay to the Holiday Inn lol.

Yes, book the Inn.

Don't let them palm you off with any stable shit though.

I was going to say pretend to be asleep a lot and blame it on being pregnant. Or find an excuse to go somewhere in the car then find a layby and listen to something nice on the radio for half an hour or so.

Bloody hell that is good op, I am sure in laws will be fine, anyway they have to be, your pregnant and need a nice comfortable environment. Let that set the standard for when dc is born from now on. It will be awful to camp on sombodies floor with a little one. No thank you!

Keep us updated

Don't let anyone talk you out of it!

Are you just assuming they will put you on the airbed because your DH is assuming that? Surely they will have decided to to it differently this time.

But don't bring it up because if they say "of course you are having the guest room!" you won't be able to book the hotel, and have your own space, and a lovely lie in for as long as you want, and one of those lovely little kettles to play with.

surely the appropriate place to accommodate a heavily pregnant guest at christmas is in the stable, with the ass and the oxen.

OP I think it's fine your DH wants to spend some big brother time with his DB. - it was the fecking washing up part that stumped me! I hope they ask your DH to help? Or does his lack of vagina exempt him from household duties?

And I hope they're not the kind of people who will still expect you to help at 30 weeks pregnant? I recall being at SILs at 38 weeks pregnant for Sunday dinner and getting told to peel potatoes "while the boys rested". Think my hysterical laughter was enough to tell her to go fuck herself.

fishwithabicycle

I would be so dreading it tbh.And then when you visit in a couple of years with your toddler, and Dh is off for hours on end leaving you to chase your DC around and clean up after them. Ugh!
Maybe he will step up one DC is here. I expect he will.
Best of luck with baby and have a lovely Christmas

I cannot understand your DH did not think it was ok for you to sleep on an Aubrey at 30 weeks pg, you said he looked perplexed when you pointed it out to him. Hotel all the way, when you have lo, make sure it's booked a couple months in advance.

Airbed I meant

Aero, I'm intrigued how you get 'Aubrey' as an auto-correct.