When strangers touch your children?

[FluffyPingPong]

I was on a bus into town yesterday, which goes around the houses and through a not-so-nice estate. It was 11am and a male and female were on the bus in their dressing gowns, being very loud and presumably drunk. As the bus pulled through to the estate, the couple stood up to get off. The male stopped next to my 1 year old son in his pushchair, and began stroking his cheek. It was obviously meant in a friendly way, but it made me so uncomfortable! I wanted to tell him not to touch my son, but I feared I would offend him and he would react negatively towards me. My husband is disgusted that I did not speak up, saying that he could have all kinds of germs or nasty diseases. I don't think he understands it from a lone female's point of view. Although I do wish I had said something. Can anyone share their experiences? Or if it hasn't happened to you, WWYD?

Would it be reasonable for a drunk OR sober stranger to stroke an adults face?

I knew we'd get one of those comparisons. There's always at least one.

If that made sense we'd have to ban changing nappies because you wouldn't do that to an adult either.

When people say "non consensual touching" and similar, do they realise, these are terms used to refer to childhood sexual abuse? So, do piss off if you think a drunken stranger stroking your PFB's cheek should be referred to in the same way as someone molesting a child.

but it really is common assault

Oh another one.

Let's arrest everyone who has ever shook hands or tapped someone on the shoulder.

It's amazing how some people can take really serious and abusive situations and twist the terminology to apply to anyone looking crooked at their own child. Some people really need to get some perspective and realise there are people actually being assaulted, abused and touched inappropriately out there and using the same terms to describe someone giving their child a friendly pat or stroke is pretty unpleasant.

Again this emotive word "sad"

Why is it sad?

Because some people don't want you to touch their baby?

Or because some people don't want other people to touch their baby?

Who is it about?

As for comparing it to shaking hands. How is that the same as touching a baby who can't give the silent signals that a touch is ok?

It's not the same. When we shake hands with an adult there are a multitude of invisible communications going on before it happens.

I'm not saying it's abuse to touch a baby without permission.

I AM saying it is rude and presumptuous.

When people stand up for non-consensual touching, do they realise they're also standing up for other kinds of abuse than drunken-cheek-stroking?

So, do piss off if you think non-consensual touching is just hunky dory.

I think we've explained why we think it's sad Timely. Yes it's an emotive word, it doesn't mean it isn't an accurate description of some of the comments on here.

Falling It is important for all those "friendly" patters and strokers out there to realise that it is not about them.

And that they are risking making some parents very uncomfortable if they DO touch children or babies that they do not know.

It's not about the people who have the need to touch babies hands or whatever. It's about the parents of that baby being put in an uncomfortable situation because they think they have some RIGHT to touch children they don't know.

What a disgusting comment Evalyn. Are you really saying that posters on here who say there is nothing wrong with a kindly stranger patting a baby's cheek are standing up for child abuse?

Because if you do, that is a very serious accusation and I would like you to justify it.

I know what she means though Falling

She's saying there's a line and allowing people SOME contact with stranger's children is making that line fuzzy and grey.

Just don't go around touching children. It's wrong. Children need protection against this kind of abuse.

That's not a minority opinion. That's something you should talk to someone about.

Personally Timely I think it's important to teach children the difference between friendly and innocent contact and inappropriate contact. Not to have children shrinking away from any contact whatsoever and thinking it's all inappropriate and potentially abusive. Not a healthy way to bring up children, in my view.

Evelyn ---- Are you seriously comparing a pat on the cheek with child abuse?! I didn't say it was ok to randomly touch strange children but calling it "non consensual touching" is comparing it to child sex abuse. I bet it's never happened to you or else you wouldn't be so fucking blasé.

Is it ok to pat a baby's cheek?

Is it ok to pat a 6 year old's cheek?

What about a 9 year old?

Can I pick your baby up?

Can I cuddle your toddler?

What if I hold your 7 year old's hand?

Can I carry your 3 year old?

No?

But I can pat her cheek?

It's all so vague.

Better to stick to "keep your hands to yourself."

This is goady bullshit and triggering as fuck.

Falling and that teaching is complicated.

Explaining to a child that some touch is ok and some is not....what about grooming? People don't begin right off with the attack. They start with mostly harmless touch. They earn trust.

If our children are brought up to think all adults can just reach out and touch them...that's very confusing.

Crumble I beg to differ. It's not goady. I am just saying what I think.

I feel very strongly that children have their own bodies to themselves. And that they're not allowed to be handled by just any random person. Even if it IS just a pat.

I really think you should revise your view Timely. Otherwise your children are just not going to be able to tell the difference between friendly gestures and threatening ones and could end up landing all kinds of people in trouble, including their teachers.

I hate these threads, MNers pontificate over strangers who want to attack their PFBs when it is far more likely that it's their husband or own father who is going to be one to attack your child. I know it's an unsavoury thought but there we go.

It's Evalyn who is being goady to make a change NOT.

This reminds me of them experiments they did on feral children who had no human contact and could never become one with society again. Touching children innocently is not assault! And its usually a quick passing thing anyway not like some stranger on the train gets a kid in a headlock and licks their face, now that would be concerning, but a face stroke or hair ruffle is completely normal and natural behavior. Might even make everyone involved's day. My niece loves when people show her attention.

Imagine if they have an accident and a doctor tries to treat them. You'd better hope you are there to tell them it's ok.

Or when they grow up with relationship issues because they can't stand to be touched by someone else.

I think some people on here really have issues and are in danger of making their children extremely paranoid.

To put it "non consensual stranger touching" into perspective.....5% of children in the UK have been equally abused, of that 5%, 90% knew their abuser. So while stranger abuse does exist, it is nowhere near as common as some people think it is.