When strangers touch your children?

[FluffyPingPong]

I was on a bus into town yesterday, which goes around the houses and through a not-so-nice estate. It was 11am and a male and female were on the bus in their dressing gowns, being very loud and presumably drunk. As the bus pulled through to the estate, the couple stood up to get off. The male stopped next to my 1 year old son in his pushchair, and began stroking his cheek. It was obviously meant in a friendly way, but it made me so uncomfortable! I wanted to tell him not to touch my son, but I feared I would offend him and he would react negatively towards me. My husband is disgusted that I did not speak up, saying that he could have all kinds of germs or nasty diseases. I don't think he understands it from a lone female's point of view. Although I do wish I had said something. Can anyone share their experiences? Or if it hasn't happened to you, WWYD?

I don't like drunk rich people or drunk poor people touching my kids.

I do agree if he was drunk that would be very scary and dirty hands would be gross. I once had to wrestle a small child out of a staggering drunks hands :(

I think dressing gown man was probably more likely to catch germs from touching your toddler than the other way around, but if he's happy to take the risk then I don't see the problem.

I feel sad when my toddler says hi to people and they ignore him.

Grunt, delightful though they are, IME most young children are not the most hygienic creatures, and despite the best efforts of parents tend to wander about surrounded by an invisible cloud of contagion.

Not sure why the op is getting a hard time.

When we were on holiday, ds2 was hooting with joy at the waves lapping at his feet. He looked so cute, this tiny boy in armbands and goggles. An elderly man walked passed, smiled at him and patted my lad's head. That experience is a world apart from what happened to the op.

I think the issue here is really OP's husband's reaction. The baby isn't going to catch anything simply because his cheek has been touched; he might if he then puts his hand on his cheek and then into his mouth, but of course there is precisely the same risk if he touches, say, a bus seat or something in a shop. On the other hand, OP would have been putting her baby at much more immediate risk if she had challenged the man. OP's DH needs to start being realistic.

These threads are becoming as frequent as P&C parking space threads.

So many parents are intolerant of interactions between anyone else and their child, and Ilovesooty is right, there are numerous threads about them.
Other people can't bear children and babies attempting to interact with them, or being a PITA on trains and buses and cafes, there are also numerous threads on that
So much intolerance and paranoia on all sides.

Something deeply sad about people saying they don't want anyone to touch their child or for friends of the family to pick them up. Some people really want to live their lives wrapped in plastic and apart from everyone else. Very sterile and cold.

A little boy ran past me in the shop today and laughed and said 'santa coming' to me. I patted his head and smiled and said 'yes he'll be here soon'. I really hope I wasn't guilty of 'common assault' or passing on germs

YANBU. I actually think it's pretty amusing how many people on here are up in arms and being so quick to state how they wouldn't mind some random person, drunk, touching them or their baby on the face. Of course. Sounds like your instincts kicked in. The bloke appeared drunk to you, you didn't like it = that's good enough. Your judgement about letting it go also sound on good grounds (drunk, potential for unpredictable). You sound sensible! I like the posts on here with advice on lightly 'handling' such situations.

There's a big difference between someone touching an adult and touching a baby on the face. I mean, if an old lady pinched my cheek in the shops and told me I was bonny I would find it very odd. If she did it to a baby I would find it perfectly normal. People trying to equate the two are being a bit disingenuous.

Thank. Fuck. I. Live. In. Spain.

That is all.

(Glad I could be of assistance).

Actually, I've been thanking God I live in Ireland as I'm finding some of the precious, sterile attitudes on here a pretty sad indictment. I don't want any child belonging to me to grow up suspicious and hostile towards any attempts at friendly contact by strangers.

I had a similar experience in M&S the other day where a man thought he was well within his rights to stroke my baby son's ear! I'm with you on this one OP, I was FUMING. You wouldn't stroke a strange adult's ear, so don't touch my son. I don't know where this idea has come from that just because they are children that it doesn't matter. I have been stopped so many times by people touching his face, feet etc. I just find it so rude, he should be able to be out in public without being mauled by strangers. If it was an adult, there would be uproar!

We have this thread over and over.

All the people who think babies and children are "fair game" get all "OH IT IS SO SAD!" when some of us say they don't like people they don't know touching their dc.

It's not sad.

The attitude that children are not beings with rights is a dangerous one.

They are not pets.

They should not be touched by strangers.

They all seem to be getting those Flicker scooters. like these

At least my niece has and she's always got the latest thing. She's 11.

But it is sad Timely if a well meaning stranger can't pat a baby on the head or cheek without being treated with hostility and suspicion.

And does starting a post with 'we have this thread over and over' somehow put you in the right?

Whoops! Wrong thread.

I think it's wrong for strangers to touch children willy-nilly. You're NBU at all, OP, nor is your partner.

I know (I'm surprised) it's a minority opinion, but still I haven't read anything to change my mind. People don't seem to get it at all, I'm not sure why. It's not about being friendly, sociable or kindly; it's about touching children.

You can be friendly, sociable and kindly as much as you like. Just don't go around touching children. It's wrong. Children need protection against this kind of abuse. For that's what it is. Touching children without their express consent or that of their parents when they can't give it themselves is abuse, pure and simple. Don't do it. And don't go around excusing it. It's wrong.

OK, now all gather round the flames! But, as you warm your hands, consider the claim that non-consensual touching isn't abusive. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Yes the idea that you're odd, paranoid or just wrong to not want strangers having carte blanche over your DC is bizzarre!

Why should I let someone I know nothing about, put their hands near my child in any way that I am not comfortable about?

If I don't feel comfortable then as my child's advocate I would be neglectful to NOT speak up.

Oh for crying out loud. Someone patting a baby's face is not being abusive. There are people genuinely being abused out there, and you are talking rubbish.

Falling yes that post wasn't quite worded correctly but I know what she meant.

I want my children to know that no strange adult should be able to poke their faces or pat their heads or stroke their ears. Not ever. If they are brought up to think this is allowable then there are some grey areas with regards personal space.

Well this thread has been an eye opener for me. I have never ever ever heard anyone in real life complain about strangers giving their baby a friendly pat of stroking their hand or somesuch, never mind equating it to abuse or common assault or a risk that their children will grow up with no understanding of their 'personal space'.

It all sounds sad and silly to me, but that's just my opinion