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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you don't do Santa/ Elf in the shelf you don't spoil it for others?

301 replies

CatWreathkeith · 09/12/2014 08:42

Last year Dneice was told matter of factly by a 4yo at school there is no such thing as Father Christmas and it's your parents. In reception.

This year another child has told her that you can buy an EOTS from Amazon, because her mum has shown her it.

Why? Why would you do that? Why not say there are only a few elves that get to leave the North Pole and we didn't get one?

Or if your child wants one that badly get a cheap one from the pound shop

Grrr Angry

OP posts:
merrymouse · 09/12/2014 14:59

I must be Christmased out - if only Santa really would do all my 'gifting' for me… Xmas Grin

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 09/12/2014 15:00

Apologies sqoosh having read back I don't think I did write that earlier (but thought I had). But unfortunately I can't lay claim to having a genius kid who figured out that Santa doesn't exist whilst he was still in a pram. He was told by a child in his class at the age of 6 or 7. I didn't lose the plot, I just told him that different people have different beliefs and he could choose to believe what he wanted (he chose to not believe).

squoosh · 09/12/2014 15:06

Seems like the most sensible way to handle it.

NetballHoop · 09/12/2014 15:08

I think Fascinating Aida sum it all up very well : - Maybe turn the sound down if at work or with people of a nervous disposition

Footlight · 09/12/2014 15:17

My son feels sorry for children who don't believe in Father Christmas.

Also, he knows that real elves do not have time to sit about on a shelf.

KERALA1 · 09/12/2014 17:16

Ooh we are loving the elf. Don't do the weird reporting back as dds both "good" girls but dd2 leaps out of bed each morning to find the elf - sort of a hide and seek thing. Plus it's hardly onerous to move a toy before you hit the sack! Worth it for the fun it brings but accept we "weird' "creepy" and "odd" Hmm

TooHasty · 09/12/2014 18:21

My DS2 stopped believeing at 4.Some parents were a bit cheesed at him telling the others it wasn't real.But no way am I going to tell my DC to lie so that another parents lies aren't exposed.
Most 4 yos will believe their parents over another 4 yo anyway.

ElkTheory · 09/12/2014 18:22

I think it's up to parents to decide how they want to handle Santa and the elf on the flipping shelf. If you choose to teach your children it's all true, then maintaining that belief is your responsibility. It isn't really up to the rest of the world to support you. If you live in a multi-cultural area, people seem to accept this as a matter of course. Obviously, it would be extremely unkind for an adult to tell a child the truth about Santa, but a 4-year-old can't really be held accountable for "spoiling" another child's Xmas. You can have the "some children really believe in Santa" conversation until the cows come home, but in a playground discussion a child may well just blurt out that Santa doesn't exist. 'Twas ever thus.

I do think that beliefs of this type tend to last until children are ready to give them up. They can have all sorts of evidence to the contrary staring them in the face but still hold onto a passionate belief until they are ready to stop believing.

The elf thing does seem creepy to me. Ditto using Santa as a threat or saying that Santa only visits good children.

TooHasty · 09/12/2014 18:23

..and as for this elf on the shelf, surely no-one older than about 2 believes it is alive!!

RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 09/12/2014 18:24

Elf on the shelf is american bull crap

And there will always be the gobby child that tells everyone about Santa it's how it's always been

claraschu · 09/12/2014 18:31

Is God spoiled for religious people by all the atheists who are ready to say He doesn't exist?

I don't see why Santa fundamentalists should have a problem dealing with the non-believers in their lives.

stillwearingaredribbon · 09/12/2014 18:33

I hate the bloody elf on the shelf and its spying
My dd (SN) would freak out
and all the good/bad crap. Due to sn my dd is not able to be what is socially considered 'good'
she also struggles with the thought of anyone creeping around our house. We have done santa but pretty low key
I will tell my DC what I choose
I wouldn't deliberately sabotage anyone elses xmas but neither would I go to great lengths to collude in their story
so YABU

stillwearingaredribbon · 09/12/2014 18:36

Off topic but similar expectation to collude
My DD had been horse riding at center parcs, had a boy next to her who was v v precious and had all the family cheering him on
Looked like pfb and only grandchild
They were walking back next to us and made a great show of presenting pfb with a giant rosette and told him the lady at the stables had given it to him because he was the best rider
All said very loudly
DD asked me if that were true so I said no his family bought him the rosette
cue lots of frowns from family
bollocks if I am going to lie for someone elses crap

MaidOfStars · 09/12/2014 18:50

Actually, that ^ is a horrible thing to do, in his earshot.

stillwearingaredribbon · 09/12/2014 18:55

You think I should have lied to my daughter and agreed he had won a best rider competition Confused
sorry, if they are going to pull that crap doing out of earshot of other children who were riding

simbacatlivesagain · 09/12/2014 18:57

Elf on the shelf sounds horrific. Why would you need to threaten and/or bribe your children to behave. Imagine the fear that it must instill in some children who have not been perfect- fear that Santa wont bring them anything because the elf has seen. Good behaviour needs to be developed for life not just for Christmas. I wouldn't play along with elf on a shelf- I think it is quite sinister. Surely the thought of a lump of coal is bad enough?

Iggi999 · 09/12/2014 19:03

Good lord what if he was dying rather than precious and they just wanted to make the day extra special Confused You could have just said "I'll speak to you about it in a minute, I want to ask you about..." You didn't like what they had done and so wanted to spoil it.

stillwearingaredribbon · 09/12/2014 19:07

I disagree

simbacatlivesagain · 09/12/2014 19:08

Gosh I have just looked at the elf on a shelf website- you can get dark skinned elf or light skinned elf (both the with same facial features). I thought that we had gone so far beyond this.

stillwearingaredribbon · 09/12/2014 19:18

Actually Iggi you are wrong
I was walking along thinking how nuts they were but I didn't want to spoil it
Had my daughter not asked if he had won the 'competition' I would have said nothing
I answered the question she asked and I would do the same again. I would not lie to her about elf on the shelf or santa either
I am not prepared to lie to her to support another parents story

alpacasosoftsnowgentlyfalling · 09/12/2014 19:26

My Dc believed in FC until about 7 or 8 when they would Wink if FC was mentioned.
They would never spoil it for others.
Elf on the shelf gives me the complete creeps.
Jesus wept its ideal for a horror film
< elf comes to life and slaughters the family one by one>
Really dislike the "watching" and reporting to FC thing.
Just bloody parent your DC properly.

TooManyMochas · 09/12/2014 19:27

If you choose to teach your children it's all true, then maintaining that belief is your responsibility. It isn't really up to the rest of the world to support you

Yes! And I know no one outside MN who does fecking Elf On The Shelf

murmuration · 09/12/2014 19:29

Is the age of 'discovery' rising, or did I just grow up somewhere where we learned early? I thought 4/5 was when it was typical to find out, from friends at school. I found out at 4, DH at 5. DH does remember classroom debates at age 6, but the believers were far outnumbered.

TooManyMochas · 09/12/2014 19:38

Also the average age that children stop believing in FC is apparently seven. I think of still-believing ten year olds as one of those 'Only On Mumsnet' things.

INickedAName · 09/12/2014 19:52

All these four year olds going round telling other dc that Santa isn't real won't be doing it with the deliberate intention of ruining Christmas for others. They'll end wanting to share info that they've learnt first. I don't think the average four year old considers the impact of what they say.

Plenty of children seem to enjoy Xmas without believing in Santa, even the very same year they know he's not real. it doesn't appear that the joy has been sucked out of it for them at all. The adults are the ones who seem upset.

My dd asked me when she was 7, (she's 9 now) she asked me to tell the truth, so I did. She won't tell other dc but gets very uncomfortable when other adults tell her kids get fuck all for not believing or less stuff for being naughty, and in those cases she will tell them she thinks they are wrong as she knows he's not real but still gets gifts and sometimes she gets less because mum and dad don't have much money, not because she's naughty. Luckily it hasn't happened around other dc but I wouldn't stop her.

Having a child thinking they must be bad/naughty as they haven't got much is worse than a kid finding out Santa isn't real.