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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you don't do Santa/ Elf in the shelf you don't spoil it for others?

301 replies

CatWreathkeith · 09/12/2014 08:42

Last year Dneice was told matter of factly by a 4yo at school there is no such thing as Father Christmas and it's your parents. In reception.

This year another child has told her that you can buy an EOTS from Amazon, because her mum has shown her it.

Why? Why would you do that? Why not say there are only a few elves that get to leave the North Pole and we didn't get one?

Or if your child wants one that badly get a cheap one from the pound shop

Grrr Angry

OP posts:
Quenna · 09/12/2014 10:57

We had a phase of not doing Father Christmas (....DS1 found it unbelievably scary after a 'visit from Santa' at his nursery).

I just prefaced every sentence to him "In our family... X happens, but in other families y happens, don't spoil anyone else's fun". I did say it about a million times over the course of a couple of years, and he did seem to accept that each family celebrated differently and that was that. He would actually say things like "Fred has the real FC, but Emily has her mum and dad doing it" and not see it as anything other than normal variation between families.

TalesOfTheCity · 09/12/2014 11:00

LaurieMarlow I dislike it because I dislike, in general, calling children 'naughty' or 'good'. I also therefore really dislike the idea of telling children that Christmas presents are dependent on them being 'good', so add in the idea of them being spied on for that reason and it's my idea of awful. Other people have different views shrug

I don't like children being told to be "good" when they are ALL good and deserve to be told that all the time. Not listening, not being compliant, being childish, being wilful, being disobedient etc are behaviours, nothing to do with whether a child is "good" or not, and presents are for fun and to show love, not pass judgement on children.

Yeah, so I see nothing fun or nice about EOTS. I wouldn't rubbish it to a small child who did believe, but I would be vague and not say very much.

ChoochiWoo · 09/12/2014 11:00

Really Op? oh thats horrible Sad , at 4? Sad why is it so important for some parents to crush all the magic out of childhood as soon as possible.

ChoochiWoo · 09/12/2014 11:07

the ethos of EOTS sounds rather creepy, more suited to Halloween than Christmas Confused Confused , this thread is the first place Ive heard of it.

HollyBdenum · 09/12/2014 11:19

But most people I know who have an EOTS (a) don't buy the expensive one and (b) don't go in for all the creepy spying.

Our elf doesn't do big dramatic things most of the time, but leaves little notes or suggests activities for the children. She does a couple of big setpieces, but mostly just introduces things we do anyway but makes them feel more special.

FreudiansSlipper · 09/12/2014 11:23

never heard of this Elf quite glad too do not need anything else for ds to be bought into regarding Christmas as it will end up costing me money

ds has been told Santa is not real no big drama he chooses to believe he still is

I really dislike all this have to be a good boy/girl others wise you will not get the presents you want

some children, many children will not get the presents they want but they will be great little children.

liquidstateisonthemulled · 09/12/2014 11:25

In my family the pissed pixies rearrange the 'merry christmas' letters in the loo to spell rude words. Don't have an actual elf and doubt I will when 5 month DD is older.

Basically I can't be arsed.

And as a reverse will all you EOTS-ers tell your little ones not to brag or tease those that don't have EOTS?

BertieBotts · 09/12/2014 11:26

So over dramatic. "Crush all the magic out of childhood", as if. Get a grip!

waithorse · 09/12/2014 11:29

Father Christmas thing, fine. I don't know,anyone who does the elf in rl. It's a ridiculous idea. My dc thankfully don't know anything about it, so won't spoil things for you. Confused

ChoochiWoo · 09/12/2014 11:34

i dont care if its viewed as melodramatic, 4 FFS Sad , let them be bloody children.

PuppyMonkey · 09/12/2014 11:36

(I won't spoil Elf on the shelf for anyone as only heard of it about two weeks ago and haven't got a blardy clue what it's all about - is that ok?).

merrymouse · 09/12/2014 11:36

YABU for a few reasons

  1. Although you can generally expect an adult to respect other people's feelings and not go out of their way to be an arse about Father Christmas, from a 4 year old's point of view they are just telling the truth.

  2. All you have to say is "how do they know?"

  3. Some of the magic of father christmas is having parents or other people who go to the effort of telling the story and playing the game - this is why people go on putting out a minced pie for santa long after they could reasonably be expected to have stopped believing.

  4. Most of the magic of Santa is the story of St Nicholas which focuses on the fact that even when people are at their most desperate, there are people who will help because although there is a lot of bad in the world, there is also an awful lot of good. We can choose to be the people who help.

No 4 year old in the playground can do anything to prove that either points 3 or 4 are false.

merrymouse · 09/12/2014 11:37

(mince pie - who would eat a minced pie??)

squoosh · 09/12/2014 11:38

I love the Santa myth and think parents should respect other parents' take on it whether that's a) he's real b) he's a nice made up story.

But the Elf thing is a load of old hooey though that seems to have just appeared in the last couple of years.

corkgirlindublin · 09/12/2014 11:42

I hate everything about EOTS. I hate telling kids they are bold and they are being spied on. Its a marketing gimic and very poor form I think. I cannot for the life of me understand why people treat their kids like that. My kids know nothing about it but if they hear about it I wil tell them its bullshit for parents who like to manipulate their kids.

Ilovehamabeads · 09/12/2014 11:43

I have no real idea about EOTS. I know people move them round the house and do daft things with them, but I have no idea of the back story of how or why he comes to the house. I would probably be someone who innocently said I'd seen them on amazon or ebay as I'd have had no idea until reading this thread that they are supposed to come from the North Pole. Still, I don't actually know a single person in RL who buys into EOTS thank goodness so I haven't unwittingly spoiled anyone's christmas Smile

MyGhostIsFlummoxed · 09/12/2014 11:44

So Elf on the Shelf is a new thing? So what? My 2 boys think it's hilarious & love spotting him every morning. They loved it last year too. They may not love it next year but the magic we've had the past 2 years was worth every penny.

If you don't like the idea fair enough, but can we stop the negativity on people who do love it? I'm not asking anyone to lie to children, just stop with the sniping on here.

it's MN, of course the sniping won't stop, what the fuck am I thinking?

MagicMojito · 09/12/2014 11:45

I don't particularly have an issue with eots, however I agree with the above poster about not putting their antics on Facebook. It can get s little creepy ??

Songofsixpence · 09/12/2014 11:46

I don't think EOTS is that new.

We don't have an official one, we have a little pixie which we bought when DD1 was around 3, she's now 13.

The pixie doesn't do anything amazing, she fills the advent calendars on Dec 1st then lounges around the house until Father Christmas picks her up on his way through on Christmas Eve.

My kids are 13 and 9 and know it's a load of old tosh, but it's one of those traditions, along with elves bringing new pyjamas on Christmas Eve/mince pies and beer for FC, etc, they'd be gutted to give up. Even at 13, DD1 loves to spot her whereabouts every morning (assuming I've remembered to move it the night before).

merrymouse · 09/12/2014 11:50

To be fair, I think the main point of EOTS is to hide him somewhere new everyday and have a game of hide and seek, and then do a little trick. I think the naughty/nice thing isn't the primary focus for most people.

Kewcumber · 09/12/2014 11:59

You have to think about how you would respond if you were religious and someone (yes I'm looking at you DS...) said to your child "But god doesn't exist, its all made up" and respond accordingly.

In my experience people are pretty good about keeping the Santa secret going for children but if you think you can stop 4 and 5 year olds balbbing then think again. You need to perfect your story.

I am heartily glad I'd never heard of this elf business until this year - its sounds like a pile of extra work and an obsession with Christmas for 1/12 of the year.

TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy · 09/12/2014 12:07

We don't do Christmas here so obviously no Santa/Father Christmas or elf on the shelf. My eldest - who is oblivious by nature - didn't even really notice all the Xmas stuff around until he was 5 or so (and spent a few years calling Father Christmas 'the guy in the Christmas costume' which is now our household name for him). The younger ones caught on faster. Once they get what it is, it is explain that that is a tradition and story lots of other people do and some little ones think the story is real. We wouldn't be negative of that any more than we are negative of younger siblings/friends thinking a TV or book character is real.

My kids still have plenty of magic in their lives with tooth pixies and fairies and magic spells. I don't get the concept that without Father Christmas there is no magic.

I do agree with schoolclosed, the only thing that irritates me about the Elf on the Shelf is that it adds fuel to the 'bad kids don't get presents' and while I get why it is useful for some parents, it causes kids hurt. There are many reasons why one wouldn't get presents and attaching it to being good and/or belief is just stressful (my mother was obsessed with using these lines when I was a kid and I hated it, I felt it was more for her than anything) and just giving something else for kids to use against kids who are different. I do wish such messages weren't so attached to the Father Christmas myths.

PlantsAndFlowers · 09/12/2014 12:24

"Perhaps tell kids that 'know' that if you don't believe your parents get your presents, but if you believe in Father Christmas he will bring you one."

Confused

Mind your own business. I'll tell my DD what I like!

merrymouse · 09/12/2014 12:27

Don't think you are safe from the elf just because you don't do Christmas - there is also a Mensh on a bench. (Also available from Amazon, but I haven't looked into it enough to work out whether you are supposed to believe that he is real).

Who knows who will be around next year? Buddah on a… nope can't think of anything to rhyme with Buddah.

merrymouse · 09/12/2014 12:28

What rhymes with druid?