Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have cried (I am NOT a crier). I feel like a right pratt.

129 replies

Loveneverfails · 08/12/2014 17:51

turned up to uni today - I am undertaking a vocational training course / degree.

It was for an obligatory two day training course.

Basically a few of us had turned up who shouldn't have been there - admin error on the part of the uni. We had no way of knowing before we trekked in. Everyone that was not meant to be there left barr me.

I thought I would see if there were any no shows and ask if I could fill their gap to save me the hour long journey home (three kids, two with additional support needs - easier to stay if possible and get it done and duster).

There were confirmed gaps in the class.

I said good morning to the senior lecturer and course-teacher and asked if he would mind if I filled in a gap of a no-show (we have to do this course at some point anyway over the next few weeks).

The lecturer running the course (notorious for being a difficult man): said

'actually I do mind. If YOU'RE name is NOT ON MY LIST then I mind'.

I said oh it is just that I came all the way in and it was a uni admin error.

To which he said rudely and LOUDLY in front of the class

'I MIND YOU (insert my name) STAYING....... even if there IS space'.

I got such a shock i think I just said ok and slipped out of the class.

With my class mates like this Shock.

I immediately cried outside. I am in my 30's FFS (CROSS AT MYSELF).

It was no skin of THE LECTURERS nose if I stayed. He has to teach me this same course at a later date anyway. It is mandatory.

The semester lead was in the room (nice fella) and ran after me, saying are you ok?

I said well not really. I feel a right pratt. He said, yes he was out of order. You know what he is like. I will talk to him.

I said, don't bother (he would only get double satisfaction out of knowing i cried).

The rude lecturer is second in command, and the head of the school is no better (terrible reputation). What a twunt. I am near to graduating so no point complaining, it is well known he is aggressive to certain students.

I just needed to vent really.

My friends from the class have all rang me asking if I am ok. I do not like fuss so just said yeah im fine, I went off shopping.

In truth, I feel upset.

Am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
VerucaInTheNutRoom · 08/12/2014 17:52

No, he humiliated you in front of your peers. Fucker.

VerucaInTheNutRoom · 08/12/2014 17:53

I probably would have cried too and I'm in my 40s.

LittleRedRidingHoodie · 08/12/2014 17:54

The only ridiculous thing you did was telling the semester lead not to speak to him. He was very rude and he should be told so.

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 08/12/2014 17:54

what I really want to know is, what do people get out of being so aggressive / assertive / dis empowering others like him.

I am a quietly good student, never had an issue, never been an issue. In fact I am their poster girl for disabled nursing students when they need one Hmm

I feel very mixed about this. Bit angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loveneverfails · 08/12/2014 17:55

I am too nice. The semester - lead is doing his PHD and is up to his eyes in it. I did not want him to take on an issue on my behalf when I know HE IS stressed.

Glad it is not just me.

I am now wondering what I could have done to warrant being talked to like that Hmm

But it was HIS problem wasn't it?

OP posts:
VerucaInTheNutRoom · 08/12/2014 17:55

He obviously enjoys exercising what little power he has. If you'd been a 6 ft 4 man, I expect he may have been more amenable.

Fullpleatherjacket · 08/12/2014 17:55

Not UR at all.

Sorry you had to face that, OP. The man's a fuckmuppet.

NickiFury · 08/12/2014 17:55

What a Tosser. Here haveThanksWineSmile

Bluegill · 08/12/2014 17:56

What a complete bastard. I would wait until lectures are over and then make a written complaint. That behaviour is entirely unacceptable. I'm so sad for you having to deal with such a horrible man. I hope you're feelibg a bit better.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 08/12/2014 17:57

He was so U it's not even true.

What a dickwad.

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 08/12/2014 17:58

Nice semester-leads PHD is due in Dec 15th. That is what I meant to say.

OP posts:
Wellwellwell3holesintheground · 08/12/2014 18:00

Bullying and horrible. Written complaint. It's not OK for him to behave like this because 'that's what he's like'. That's why he's still behaving like this. Completely unacceptable. You came up with a sensible solution and he was being an idiot.

DoubleValiumLattePlease · 08/12/2014 18:00

I'd have cried too - but I'm an inveterate crier. Lots of things set me off these days - in fact if I thought too hard about how you were treated I'd probably cry. It's ridiculous but there ya go. However - I think this man (I use the term in it's loosest possible sense) was so out of order that I'd want to find a way of taking it further. If it's connected to or run by an University there must be some kind of Student Services that you can go to with this? If there is no chance of getting satisfaction from the head of the school then go higher up. I feel most uncomfortable about the seemingly very personal nature of his rudeness - do you feel it was in any way connected to your disability?

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 08/12/2014 18:02

Thanks for your support, I have felt a right muppet for feeling this surprised and shocked and crying all afternoon.

I am usually SO TOUGH - NOT TODAY.

I might have Wine today.

OP posts:
Wellwellwell3holesintheground · 08/12/2014 18:03

And actually, you are in effect their customer. You wouldn't do this in a restaurant - imagine if you booked a table, got there, they had got the booking wrong, they had a free table and still refused to seat you. I am really cross on your behalf.

BehindLockNumberNine · 08/12/2014 18:05

I would have cried too.
And after that I would have moved on to feeling angry.
In fact, I am cross on your behalf.
How dare he speak like that to anyone?
Please, please, take this further. He is a bully. People are excusing him by saying "you know what he is like". This is allowing him to get away with acting like this.
Put a stop to it. Channel your upset into anger and make sure he is told that he cannot and must not speak to anyone in this way.
Please.

FamiliesShareGerms · 08/12/2014 18:06

I think sometimes it's the shock and the feeling that it's unfair that can make you cry (it does for me, anyway)

Sorry he was such a knob to you

Icimoi · 08/12/2014 18:09

Is there a students' union or anything similar who could put forward a complaint on behalf of the students in general?

At the very least, please complain once you have graduated. He really shouldn't be allowed to get away with dickhead behaviour like this.

Bogeyface · 08/12/2014 18:09

I would make a complaint as soon as your lectures are over, the reason odious twats like this get away with it is because no one calls them on it.

whois · 08/12/2014 18:12

Exactly what Bogey said.

diddl · 08/12/2014 18:15

What an absolute bastard.

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 08/12/2014 18:20

How dare he?
Please make a complaint. And lay it on thick about the long travel distance, the SEN of your child and your disability and how difficult he made your life and how humiliated you felt, and his treatment was so unwarranted, it couldn't be anything to do with your disability could it? Drop him right in it.

Lucyandpoppy · 08/12/2014 18:24

Please please complain about him to head of department/students union. What a bully, totally unnacceptable to talk to anyone like that I would have punched him in the face!

MyrnaLoy · 08/12/2014 19:10

Arse!

If you don't feel you want to take this further until after you graduate it might be a good idea to write it all down while it's fresh in your mind. Then you have the evidence, and what you choose to do with it later is up to you.

I didn't complain in a similar situation and kind of wish I had - some people think they have a free pass to this kind of behaviour.

Just out of interest: I assume you're paying course fees for the pleasure (dubious or otherwise) of learning from this man? This is something universities are going to have to adjust to - we don't have to be grateful anymore, not now the State isn't paying...

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 08/12/2014 19:12

Thanks for all your lovely replies.

He is second head in the school. The head is his best friend lover? certainly they are bum chums and both shady

I feel scared to make a complaint.

and then bad that I am not ballsy enough to do so :(

He is a scary dude though with way too much power in this small uni academic department.

My lectures don't finish till April. That's too late isn't it?

He may dislike me for my disability I have not a clue. He thinks we get it easier cos we get extra time apparently (as he told the disability adviser who told me on the QT). He may also dislike me because I get good grades, he once told me he detested 'keen students' (in a small group session).

He certainly has been rude to me before but I brushed it off.

This time, not so.

I am a mature student, and admit to being keen coming to classes and doing my homework but I want to be a good nurse, I think it's ok to work hard it may save someones life one day wouldnt that be novel

He is truly an odd and horrible horrible man.

The more I think about it, the more I feel sorry for him and better about today.

It is not me, its him!

I am seeing clearer now with your lovely input and having had some time with the kids

Thank you all Flowers

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread