Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have cried (I am NOT a crier). I feel like a right pratt.

129 replies

Loveneverfails · 08/12/2014 17:51

turned up to uni today - I am undertaking a vocational training course / degree.

It was for an obligatory two day training course.

Basically a few of us had turned up who shouldn't have been there - admin error on the part of the uni. We had no way of knowing before we trekked in. Everyone that was not meant to be there left barr me.

I thought I would see if there were any no shows and ask if I could fill their gap to save me the hour long journey home (three kids, two with additional support needs - easier to stay if possible and get it done and duster).

There were confirmed gaps in the class.

I said good morning to the senior lecturer and course-teacher and asked if he would mind if I filled in a gap of a no-show (we have to do this course at some point anyway over the next few weeks).

The lecturer running the course (notorious for being a difficult man): said

'actually I do mind. If YOU'RE name is NOT ON MY LIST then I mind'.

I said oh it is just that I came all the way in and it was a uni admin error.

To which he said rudely and LOUDLY in front of the class

'I MIND YOU (insert my name) STAYING....... even if there IS space'.

I got such a shock i think I just said ok and slipped out of the class.

With my class mates like this Shock.

I immediately cried outside. I am in my 30's FFS (CROSS AT MYSELF).

It was no skin of THE LECTURERS nose if I stayed. He has to teach me this same course at a later date anyway. It is mandatory.

The semester lead was in the room (nice fella) and ran after me, saying are you ok?

I said well not really. I feel a right pratt. He said, yes he was out of order. You know what he is like. I will talk to him.

I said, don't bother (he would only get double satisfaction out of knowing i cried).

The rude lecturer is second in command, and the head of the school is no better (terrible reputation). What a twunt. I am near to graduating so no point complaining, it is well known he is aggressive to certain students.

I just needed to vent really.

My friends from the class have all rang me asking if I am ok. I do not like fuss so just said yeah im fine, I went off shopping.

In truth, I feel upset.

Am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
WeeFreeKings · 12/12/2014 10:11

How did the meeting go?

StackladysMorphicResonator · 12/12/2014 10:39

De-lurking to say thinking of you, I hope the meeting went well. Flowers

SixToesLeft · 12/12/2014 10:52

Good luck!

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 18:12

Hi guys

sooooooooooooooooooo sorry for the lateness of coming back on here. Today has been a long and crazy day on many fronts always is with kids eh

Well, I hardly slept a wink last night. 12.45 ish for an hour, then awake till 6am, after which I got another quick hour.

I used those midnight hours to write out a considered statement instead of depending on my tired memory. I must say myself that it was very factual and not emotive. I was pleased with it and it read well.

The depute head of the school was lovely. Very receptive to listening to what I had to say. I did not over speak and was factual in my appraisal fo the situation. My dyslexia tutor came with me also for support. which was so kind as she has been my sounding board and is well respected in the school, as a support member of staff.

reading between the lines the depute implied that she was not surprised by my complaint. BUT if this stayed confidential (as today's meeting had been) she could not protect me from further incidents with this lecturer. If I do speak out, she will touch base with me weekly / fortnightly for the remainder of my weeks at the university to ensure that all remains well for me.

She immediately agreed to remove mr bully as my academic mentor, and change my mentor to the other nice chap whom i mentioned before. Interestingly and news to me - mr bully was my only mentor end of. It was unclear why mr nice mentor has been exclusively dealing with me perhaps telling in itself who knows. She also assured me that I can ask for a reference from whomever I deem best in the school, and that she herself would write me one should I want it.

knew my time as the class rep and helping on the teaching and learning committee had not been for nothing

She basically said, I am a valued student member. That she believed my accounts, but would do nothing about them UNLESS I wanted to make this either a) an unofficial complaint or b) a full on complaint.

She did not pressure me at all but made it clear that if i did take this further, I would have her backing.

An unofficial complaint from what I gather would involve the head of the school the new kick ass woman who scares me and this depute head, bringing mr bully in for an informal chat about the situation, but it would be documented on his record.

The second involved a proper look into what had happened - a formal investigation.

She asked me to contact her on Monday morning to let her know what I would like to do. As I say, I did not feel pressured. I could tell his name had featured on her radar before.

So, today, I got my change of mentor - thank you God! He will have received an email from the depute head of the school saying that I had requested a change of mentor - she said no details are given why and if he asked, none would be given.

So this is a result right?

though i am sweating at the thought that he NOW KNOWS I WENT TO THE DEPUTE HEAD AND MENTIONED I WANTED A CHANGE FROM HIM. what on earth will he be thinking Confused

So, now what to do?

answers on a postcard please ladies Flowers

Couldnt have come this far without your support, and I do feel strangely better that even in this SMALL WAY i stood up against a man like him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 18:21

I am tempted to let them get him in for that 'informal chat' she implied he is not above the law even if it appears to me like he is. She also told me that she can see how anxious he appears to make me this did not look news to her.

This alone would get something documented on paper about his behaviour and she did promise me in the presence of a witness, my dyslexia tutor that I would have her full support for the remainder of my uni time.

I believe her. she has a good reputation in the school.

My reasoning tonight is that IF SOMETHING is down on paper about him, that I am safer from his potential onslaught.

Am I being naive?

Man I need Wine

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 12/12/2014 18:37

Yay! Good for you!! So proud! Grin

Aren't you glad you spoke up? Wink

What you do now is up to you really. Currently, your problem is fixed, so next steps are whatever your comfort level is.

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 18:40

I think I am glad I stood up

Grin

cant quite believe it,

Bloody hell im tough Grin

OP posts:
itiswhatitiswhatitis · 12/12/2014 18:48

I'm glad it was a positive meeting for you and we'll done for going through with it.

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 18:51

I am still a bit scared he is going to go bat sh*t when he sees I have asked for a change of mentor but hey ho

OP posts:
OhReallyDear · 12/12/2014 19:00

I'm so sorry for you.

That loser must have a terrible sad life to feel like he has to use his tiny wee wee power to humiliate people and feel bigger.

Brodicea · 12/12/2014 19:04

I can see he makes you feel really anxious and intimated - but well done, you may have given the school the ammunition they have been waiting for to deal with him.

You did the right thing Wine

MerryMarigold · 12/12/2014 19:09

Personally I would go for the unofficial complaint. I don't think he could treat you worse, really, so I wouldn't worry about an onslaught. I think it is important it is down on paper to protect you, but also others. He may try it again in a couple of years with someone else he takes an irrational dislike to but if it's on record, he's going to have be more careful or get some anger management!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 19:11

Fantastic you Smile, well done Flowers. Yes please do complain, he continues this behaviour as it goes unchallenged, and people don't complain. You have every right to, you need to as well. He thinks he's untouchable but he's not! How many other students can he cintinues to bully. He was rude and humiliated you in front of lots if students, bet he woukdent do that alone. Go for it!

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 19:16

Thanks guys.

I feel a bit giddy with chuffedness happiness that i ACTUALLY stepped up the the mark.

did cry tho in the meeting

I think she genuinely saw how intimidated he makes me.

That is no bad thing as you all say!

OP posts:
Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 19:18

she did say to me if YOU feel like this, THERE WILL BE OTHERS

maybe she was subtly giving me the heads up on him.

we had a very frank talk though, i explained why i was loathe to 'poke a sleeping bear' and why I was resistant to potentially blight the rest of my time at the uni, but she was adamant that would not be the case now she knew about it.

nice lady. Genuine. I have always liked her, more so now Grin

OP posts:
Jill2015 · 12/12/2014 19:18

Well done, that wasn't, by any means, an easy thing to do!

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 19:25

Thanks.

I feel so much happier tonight.

Felt a right wimp letting him do what he liked to me repeatedly and doing nothing Hmm

My son who has autism, knew i had a hard meeting today and when I came in he had made me a card which said I am proud of you mum for being brave. Role reversal.

I cried Grin

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 19:32

Awww bless how lovely of your ds Smile. Don't be scared of him, you hold all the cards, he should be scared of you!

Goldenbear · 12/12/2014 20:17

'Lecturers', they're all the same, they need to join the real world - the one they couldn't hack! They've basically drifted from GCSE's to 'A' levels to undergraduate, graduate postgraduate, lecturer- completely sheltered from the real world!

My DH is last in his last part of his Architectural studies to become officially qualified but he has worked for a famous practice for a number of years and has been designing and drawing buildings that have been built during this time. The 'lecturers' that mark his work are, in some instances, completely clueless about the business of Architecture, have no commercial experience etc. I think the power they hold in their little protected bubbles goes to their heads and the result is pure 'arrogance' as you have experienced OP.

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 20:20

Golden - you speak sense!

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 12/12/2014 20:22

Sorry, I see you've got some resolve - well done!

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 12/12/2014 20:31

hey no need to be sorry, you speak total sense!

OP posts:
BOFster · 12/12/2014 20:48

You did brilliantly, I'm so glad you spoke up. This will actually give you some protection from this bloke's potential spitefulness, if it is on record. I'd go for the informal complaint. Good for you!

And what a lovely boy you have Xmas Smile.

wickedlazy · 12/12/2014 21:03

What a nasty bastard. I would wait until you've completed the course, then give him what for. Go back when he has a new class and embarrass the hell out of him.

BOFster · 12/12/2014 21:05

That's a nice fantasy, but not especially realistic Xmas Grin. And not necessary when you have been given a way forward.