to have cried (I am NOT a crier). I feel like a right pratt.

[Loveneverfails]

turned up to uni today - I am undertaking a vocational training course / degree.

It was for an obligatory two day training course.

Basically a few of us had turned up who shouldn't have been there - admin error on the part of the uni. We had no way of knowing before we trekked in. Everyone that was not meant to be there left barr me.

I thought I would see if there were any no shows and ask if I could fill their gap to save me the hour long journey home (three kids, two with additional support needs - easier to stay if possible and get it done and duster).

There were confirmed gaps in the class.

I said good morning to the senior lecturer and course-teacher and asked if he would mind if I filled in a gap of a no-show (we have to do this course at some point anyway over the next few weeks).

The lecturer running the course (notorious for being a difficult man): said

'actually I do mind. If YOU'RE name is NOT ON MY LIST then I mind'.

I said oh it is just that I came all the way in and it was a uni admin error.

To which he said rudely and LOUDLY in front of the class

'I MIND YOU (insert my name) STAYING....... even if there IS space'.

I got such a shock i think I just said ok and slipped out of the class.

With my class mates like this .

I immediately cried outside. I am in my 30's FFS (CROSS AT MYSELF).

It was no skin of THE LECTURERS nose if I stayed. He has to teach me this same course at a later date anyway. It is mandatory.

The semester lead was in the room (nice fella) and ran after me, saying are you ok?

I said well not really. I feel a right pratt. He said, yes he was out of order. You know what he is like. I will talk to him.

I said, don't bother (he would only get double satisfaction out of knowing i cried).

The rude lecturer is second in command, and the head of the school is no better (terrible reputation). What a twunt. I am near to graduating so no point complaining, it is well known he is aggressive to certain students.

I just needed to vent really.

My friends from the class have all rang me asking if I am ok. I do not like fuss so just said yeah im fine, I went off shopping.

In truth, I feel upset.

Am I being ridiculous?

Could you ask the nice one to write you a reference now?

FWIW I would complain, write it all down, logging your concerns about being victimised (and the potential to damage your career going forward)

I could ask the nice mentor now i suppose. right enough it is only a few months and the end is in sight.

I have had straight A's to date - not that peers would know this, but I am very conscientious, work very hard and really want to be the best nurse I can be.

Loathe to let this bully man ruin my chances of getting a job

Even before this, I didn't trust him to write me a good reference.

He has been horrid before to me, privately though. On the phone.

I had to call him to say my placement mentor had committed suicide had died traumatically :( I had been asked by placement to go home and not come back for a few days (understandably). I was in a situation as I need to do a certain amount of hours per placement, and this was in jeopardy.

I called him on the phone about this to ask what to do and well, it did not go well, he accused me of trying to tell him confidential information and was very very rude to me.

He is basically, well, rude to me despite the circumstance.

arghhhh im so torn.

and scared.

I do NOT WANT TO REAP more trouble for myself.

But will kick myself if my NOT TALKING OUT NOW will result in a bad reference...

decisions decisions

Wow! I would have cried too, totally out of order! Wine indeed

You must complain. He's deliberately using your fear to control you and humiliate you. He is an abuser and A bullyxxx

I'd file a complaint. If he's not going to treat you well now, he's not going to treat you well even if you play nice. In fact, you've been playing nice and he's been a dick.

Might as well pull him up on his behavior before deluding yourself that he'll give you a good reference if you just go along with it. He won't.

Do you have any other teachers that can give you a letter of recommendation?

If it helps give you resolution to pull him up on this. You are paying him your money to teach you and provide you a service. With as much as uni costs, you should damn well expect to be getting your money's worth. You help pay his salary, so don't be afraid to dictate the quality you're getting.

If it makes you feel better, I'd probably cry too. :)

What a knob. How dare he. Prick.

You help pay his salary, so don't be afraid to dictate the quality you're getting.

Don't go in with this attitude. 'Dictating' isn't the right approach to take.

I understand the concerns over poking the angry bear, but I do think you need to protect yourself by raising this issue. He's already being a twat to you without you saying anything. I know how it feels, when I tried to return to uni after a year out to have a baby the new head of dept was SO horrible to me I dropped out. I'm kicking myself though because I've scuppered myself and he won't give a monkeys. I should have complained and never did, just cried for about 6 hours

I know it is hard but he gets away with bullying because no one has ever complained about him. Do it for you and all future students. He is a dick head.

He may have already be warned about his behaviour. Could be that your complaint will finish him off.

Have decided that I am going to go in tomorrow and.....

Be factual. Not emotive. Explain my concerns, that it looks like Mr lecturer bully has an issue with me and cite my reasons. And in turn I am concerned about any academic reference he may give me being skewed.

Does that sound ok?

I would word it slightly differently with the angle of: facts - said this to me in this circumstance, feelings - it made you upset, resolution - you're don't think him being your mentor is a good fit going forward. I think if you angle it as 'bringing a case against him & these are the reasons why' it might end up with an antagonist situation where you have the burden of proof that he's got an issue with you. If you cite that clear example of why he's not a good fit as your mentor you are more likely to be able to get rid of him as your mentor (the key outcome) than 'prove' he's got an issue with you IYSWIM? They're just my thoughts though.

Be very,very careful... I had both a lecturer who bullied (luckily only had him for one module and the one time he tried to embarrass me in front of my class I very calmly replied and he didn't do it again) but I also had a horrible lecturer who failed me on one of my 3rd year modules, leading me to fail my entire degree. Desire the fact that he thought I was doing a different module (which he had marked me on) to what I was actually doing. He then tried to bluff it by saying I'd have had the same mark anyway, despite having spent a good 10 minutes explaining to me how the modules were so different.

I put in massive complaints where I could- left right and centre, involving councilling etc. after initially being supportive the university closed ranks and I had to resubmit my work to better fit the criteria of a module I wasn't doing and hadn't chosen so that he didn't lost face.

I missed my graduation despite having paid out for gown and photos etc and I've never forgotten or forgiven him or the university for that.

My advice? For now, let it go. Get through the next few months and complain at the end. It is not going to help you at the moment to complain. He will probably say something about it to you and make your life harder. Wait until you're done then through the book at him. Keep a note of things he's said and any incidences so that you have 'proof'. He doesn't deserve to get away with his behaviour but you need to put yourself first and I don't think complaining at this stage will help you.

And yes, get another mentor.

Good luck!

thanks for your replies.

weefreekings

your angle is far better than mine. I much prefer it. it reflects how i feel and what I want, far more.

I think I have changed my mind

I DONT WANT TO DO THIS TOMORROW

arghhhhhhhh

Do it. You really need to. If you don't, he still might spitefully sabotage you, especially if he has realised how unreasonable he was. At least this way (and I second weefreekings' approach), you have it on record.

Good luck- you can do this!

havent slept a wink better try to get a couple of hours kip before the big meeting at 9.30 x

wish me luck guys

Good luck! You are being brave and doing the right thing. I have so much respect for you, and you are going to be a great nurse. Also, how incredibly impressive to get top marks on everything while caring for 3 kids. You are truly doing an amazing job here.

I think you should write everything down, and you should get brief written statements from people who were witnesses, just to confirm what the bully said. You can make a formal complaint once you are completely out of the power of this man, if you don't go all the way with your complaint tomorrow.

He is a wanker and a bully. Am outraged on your behalf.

Let us know how you go.

Really good luck! You are doing a good thing.

Good lick! Remember, event good mentor leaves, he can still write you an academic reference as I know of academic references being requested when the mentor has left. So there is options. Hope it goes well today.

Hope it goes well. I was in a similar situation as a shy 18 year old, it took me a whole term to pluck up the courage to say something. I'm so glad I did though, the head of department wasn't least surprised- I don't know if there were other complaints or bully lecturer had been telling everyone how stupid and useless I was. Either way my classes were rearranged so I didn't have to be taught by him and my life was so much happier.

Fingers crossed for you.