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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel uncomfortable with OH playing violent games whilst holding our DD?

56 replies

Mumtobeyorkshire · 08/12/2014 12:24

AIBU to feel really uncomfortable with my OH playing fighting/zombie games with monsters and shooting or watching programmes like walking dead or war films when he's holding or looking after our 3 month old DD?

I know she doesn't yet understand what she's seeing it hearing but I can't help feeling that the violent noises and scenes must be having a negative effect even when she's asleep.

And I'm worried that as she gets older and starts to understand what she's witnessing that she will become desensitised to the horror or be frightened by it.

Do you agree or am I being unreasonable? How would you approach this with OH?

OP posts:
Roobix04 · 08/12/2014 12:27

We watched the walking dead with dd in the room up until about 4 months. Dp also played call of duty with her in the room. I don't think it'll have a negative effect on her at all. She's 8 months and we don't do it anymore but I still don't think she'd understand anything about it yet. As long as he doesn't do it when she's old enough to process it I don't think it's a problem.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 08/12/2014 12:27

I think YABU, as long as he stops when she begins to become more aware of things. I would be a bit concerned if he is gaming rather than interacting with her all if the time.

MimiSunshine · 08/12/2014 12:28

I think YABU. As you said she doesn't understand. She doesn't yet know that the sounds she's hearing are 'violent'. Its just indistinguishable noise and presumably if she was distressed by it she would cry?

I would also assume that when your DD starts to understand that your OH wont let her see it.
Wait until she starts to understand and 'watch' the TV and then say something, if you say something now (and say but she might understand in few months) your OH is likely to think you are creating an issue out of nothing seen as he feels its fine.

gamerchick · 08/12/2014 12:31

Well breastfeeding is how I got into video games Grin you know when to stop as all their lights start to come on and they become more aware of the world. I really wouldn't worry at 3 months tbh .

Is it maybe because he's not giving her his full attention is more of your problem?

Seriouslyffs · 08/12/2014 12:33

Of course it's inappropriate- the noise, the flashing and flickering, the fact that he's attuned to the screen not her, let alone the content of the game.
What's ok about this scenario? Hmm
Apart from anything else it's easier to stop now rather than make that call about when it's definitely wrong as she can make sense of what is going on. 6 months, a year, 18 months?

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 08/12/2014 12:33

Dh bought a Wii and spent his paternity leave fighting zombies in Resident Evil with ds1 tucked into his arms.
Ds1 is now 7 and does not seem to have suffered any ill effects.

I do not think it is a problem until they are old enough to understand what they are seeing. ds1 did get upset when he saw some of supernatural after coming downstairs unexpectedly but he was three by then.

If it makes you uncomfortable you can ask dh not to play it around you and the baby, it's OK not to like horror scenarios being played at you all the time!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/12/2014 12:35

"he is attuned to the screen, not her" - so youve never watched tv, MNed or read a book whilst holding your little one?

Original poster
Mumtobeyorkshire · 08/12/2014 12:35

Thanks, yes, perhaps I'm being over sensitive. I guess as long as she doesn't understand what she's watching it can't have any long term effect.

I guess my concerns are partly that he's more focused on something else but TBH I'm not really a fan of violent games & programs (though he's an adult and clearly it's up to him is he wants to play/watch them) and feel uncomfortable watching them myself so maybe I'm projecting a bit.

I guess not all of us can love chick flics and reality shows eh?! Wink

OP posts:
WillkommenBienvenue · 08/12/2014 12:36

YANBU. If you feel uncomfortable set the boundaries and ask him to stick to them. They need to be able to separate gaming from parenting really.

gamerchick · 08/12/2014 12:41

This is true.

How do you parent a 3 month old though? Babies are pretty boring to look at really after a while and if they're asleep and won't be put down is there something better to be doing?

WillkommenBienvenue · 08/12/2014 12:44

Reading a book and browsing the web are very different things to gaming. When you are gaming the game is more important than what's around you, otherwise you can't play. You are engaged with the game in a way that you are not with a book.

MephistophelesApprentice · 08/12/2014 12:46

There's going to be a whole generation of children who do not flinch from screams, explosions or gunfire and go for head shots as standard.

Should be interesting.

Roobix04 · 08/12/2014 12:48

We're big gamers in my house. I have a lovely photo of dd at 2mo asleep in her dad's arms while he plays the PlayStation. She is never neglected while we game. Now she's a little older we rarely do it while she's awake but at 3mo it's fine. Gaming is not evil as some people seem to think.

Original poster
Mumtobeyorkshire · 08/12/2014 12:50

I guess that's my concern in the long run Mephistopheles- that she won't be affected when she sees violence on the news or that she will think aggression is the 'norm'.

I think (most) adults can differentiate however if children are exposed to violent images and sounds on a daily basis I would be worried that they would be desensitised.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobeyorkshire · 08/12/2014 12:52

And I'm not insinuating gaming is evil Roobix, just an over protective mummy!

OP posts:
Miggsie · 08/12/2014 12:55

I wouldn't be happy because she can't resolve the images and sounds and it may involve too much sensory information for her to process.
Any older and she will think screens are more important to daddy than she is.

WillkommenBienvenue · 08/12/2014 12:56

Mumtobe this is your child, you decide whether or not it gets desensitised or exposed. These kinds of choices you will be making on a regular basis as they get older and the next thing comes along. If DP is less bothered about it you could always have a rule about where the gaming takes place, so he has to do it in the bedroom for example.

Roobix04 · 08/12/2014 13:03

That wasn't aimed at you mumtobe. I know you were just wondering what was best for your baby. I just don't like the implication that because someone games now and again then they must be neglecting their baby. The op never said anything about her dh gaming constantly and not looking after the baby but someone just said that the child might think daddy loves screens more then her which is ludicrous.

MummyBeerest · 08/12/2014 13:04

Yabu-in the nicest possible way.

I watched Walking Dead, The Wire, Criminal Minds etc in my DD's first year of life. I was awake at all hours and had to do more than just look at DD or I'd go insane.

She's now 2 and hates any kind of fighting or violence on kids' shows...we can't even watch Cinderella because she doesn't like when the stepsisters tear Cinderella's dress. So clearly, she has not been desensitized in any way.

Because she doesn't remember.

WillkommenBienvenue · 08/12/2014 13:08

Mummybeerest it might have had the opposite effect on your dd, unable to process the sensory information coming across to her she might have developed a greater sense of fear and caution about it.

plantsitter · 08/12/2014 13:11

OP I agree with you actually. There are plenty of non-violent games he could play while holding her. It doesn't sit well with me either - and I feel it's different from violent tv because of the interactive nature of it.

Finola1step · 08/12/2014 13:12

I'm going to disagree with most people on here.

I think it could become an issue. Simply because your not happy with it. I think it isn't BU to be careful about over stimulating very young babies with inappropriate sounds and images.

I heard recently that France are very concerned about the fast pace of TV for children and new legislation has (about to?) come in re slowing down the pace of such programmes.

I just don't think playing such games is conducive to setting a calm, relaxed and nurturing environment for a small baby.

5ChildrenAndIt · 08/12/2014 13:15

YABU.

RichTeas · 08/12/2014 13:21

YANBU. If he's playing a violent games he will be getting violent reactions in his body chemistry which can't be good for baby. The sounds of fighting and death will be imprinting on your baby's brain too. He should be spending the time to bond with baby, ideally with some gentle and calm music or a baby video, and save the games for when he's alone.

BarbarianMum · 08/12/2014 13:22

At 3 mo YA probably BU.

But. There is increasing evidence to show that very young children can be traumatised by witnessing violence, even if they can't 'remember' it later in life. If anything, being younger makes it worse somehow because they can't verbalise or rationalise what they see/hear and so can't process and get beyond it. Whether this applies to television/computer games, I've no idea, but I'd fear that the inability to distinguish between TV and real life would make things more frightening and more likely to be harmful to a young child than an older one.

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