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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Claridges Breastfeeding Policy

638 replies

ifgrandmahadawilly · 02/12/2014 20:31

Aibu in posting this here, in the hopes that the people of mumsnet let Claridges know how unreasonable they are being?

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11267989/Mother-forced-to-cover-up-with-large-napkin-while-breastfeeding-at-Claridges.html

OP posts:
IsawMommyFolknSantaClaus · 03/12/2014 07:57

Wonder what would cause more outrage. A woman bfing or a man holding up page three as he 'read' the sun?

Minesril · 03/12/2014 07:58

I was furious with the guardian CIF commenters - utterly despicable. Not usually so bad en masse. What really irritated me was that the guardian had only recently posted an article about breast feeding versus formula and on that one most of the comments were about how selfish women are for not breast feeding!!!

Beatrixemerald · 03/12/2014 07:59

Owl - did you bf your own children in public and to what age?

OwlCapone · 03/12/2014 08:01

Is that really any of your business?

OwlCapone · 03/12/2014 08:03

If you think it makes any difference, both DS were fed beyond 12 months and DD to 2.5 yrs. I've fed in all sorts of places including planes, restaurants and the front window of Starbucks. I doubt many people would have noticed.

I suspect that isn't the answer you expected.

OwlCapone · 03/12/2014 08:06

Anyway, this is clearly a thread where any view other than that of the hive mind is ignorant and will be met with rudeness. Which probably says a lot.

Beatrixemerald · 03/12/2014 08:08

I didnt expect anything. All babies are different. I cant feed my baby properly and be discreet so it isnt massively helpful making proclamation's about discretion

ChickenMe · 03/12/2014 08:15

Their policy is worth nothing because the law over rules it.

Seriously, who notices what other people are doing when out and about?! Keep beaky OUT.

People making comparisons with urinating were clearly fed on urine.

Sadly I have encountered this attitude (I plan to bf and comparisons have been made to toilet activities. Er ok so when people are looking at page three they are looking at a urethra?!? ) and feel enraged already.

Astromouse · 03/12/2014 08:19

I agree with you Owl that woman should try to be discreet. I breastfed for 11 months. I had huge boobs and it was impossible to be discreet, but there was no way I wanted anyone to see my boobs (personal preference) I therefore had a breastfeeding shawl out of my own choice. I breastfed everywhere I needed to, and not once had a bad comment. I have been in a cafe where I saw a woman with her boob out, fully on display when the baby wasn't feeding or wasn't even attempting to feed. That isn't necessary in my opinion. I'm very pro-breastfeeding but think that discretion is necessary.

Saying that though, the woman at claridges WAS being discreet, so no need for the napkin

LovelyBranches · 03/12/2014 08:20

I have a 6 week old and have started to feed in public for the first time. I am very self conscious and try and chose the most discrete seat in the cafe or the place where I can turn my back to everyone. I was having difficulties the other day with latching and went bright red. I'm also conscious that people do look at me when I'm feeding and I feel nervous that someone will say something to me.

This treatment would have made me so so embarrassed and I really feel for this woman. I'm fighting my own body issues everytime I feed (and starting to win) but we need stronger consequences for those that make mothers feel terrible for feeding their babies.

Callmeacuntifyouwant · 03/12/2014 08:22

Woman leaving Claridges the other day..

Marmiteandjamislush · 03/12/2014 08:25

Owl, I think discretion is entirely possible with public feeding and should be expected to be honest, especially on non essential trips. Yes, we have a right to bf in public and that is great, but I do think we should be mindful of other people in public. Rights come with duties and do not mean you have carte blanche to behave as you wish regardless of others around you. Both my boys were extended bf, but there is no way I would find it acceptable to sit stripped to the waist in a public to tandem feed or give maximum skin to skin, when they were needing that. I just planned my trips around their needs for those few months.

It is the kind of attitude where you suggest that those who prefer discretion are either oppressed, prudish or whatever as others have said, that invite 'breastapo' comments and I kind of agree. Women who choose to be actively discrete when feeding have made a choice, respect, don't ridicule that. If we can't respect each others' choice, how can we expect the general public to do that?

I do think Claridges were ridiculous though, and a crying baby would have been much more intrusive.

Marmiteandjamislush · 03/12/2014 08:27

Sorry, that comment was in response to Beatrix not Owl.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/12/2014 08:29

I agree Owl, it seems if you don't agree with the majority, you encounter rudeness. This is an open forum, different within reason will be found on here. Feed in my goodness, very attention seeking imo, just complain and go through the regular channels.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/12/2014 08:29

Yes it does fuel the stereotype of breastfeeding mums.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/12/2014 08:35

Different opinion I meant

LaurieMarlow · 03/12/2014 08:36

I'm not at all surprised by Telegraph readers. Yes, they're a bit more educated than DM readers, but they're very conservative (with a small c).

But I can never understand why people give such a shit about other people's business. Just don't look! It's not that difficult.

Discretion be damned. I tried to use a cover at the start, but I have an over active let down and so forgive me for needing to keep a close eye on proceedings so I don't choke my DS. Much less of a problem now at 6 months, but now Mr inquisitive likes to pull off a lot. He doesn't see why anyone would find my tit offensive.

I especially liked the comment suggesting that it was okay for small breasted women to feed in public, but big boobies on show are more vulgar and therefore unacceptable Confused

PterodactylTeaParty · 03/12/2014 08:38

'Discreet' is not the best term to use in these discussions IMHO because there's no set definition of what it involves (more than X square inches of skin showing?), and people like whoever set the Claridges policy call it 'indiscreet' even if no skin is showing but the baby is visible.

Plus, hammering on about bf in public being ok as long as we're discreet implies that without proper societal pressure we'd be standing on the tables waving our boobs at all and sundry or something. Going by the commenters in every single article on this story, there are already a ton of people who think women who bf in public are ehibitionists or crazed lactivists doing it To Make A Point, rather than just women feeding babies.

stinkingbishop · 03/12/2014 08:40

I wonder whether head chef and Dad of two Simon Rogan is aware of all this...it would be nice to see him make a supportive statement (for Mums feeding children, not his landlord!)

Icimoi · 03/12/2014 08:43

You always get that idiot comparison with urination and defecation in comments on breastfeeding issues. I must say, if someone really can't tell the difference between urination and breastfeeding, I worry about them.

Beatrixemerald · 03/12/2014 08:49

Marmite I said nothing about repressed or prudish, how on earth did you get that? I never sit there with my breast hanging out purposfuly, I just have a daughter that pulls covers away and moves her head a lot. Personally I find it embarrassing but get over it because I need to feed my daughter.

Marmiteandjamislush · 03/12/2014 08:56

That's how this reads to me:

I would have been so embarrassed if this happened to me. Before bf my baby I would have been ignorant enough to talk about 'discretion' as posters above.

hackmum · 03/12/2014 08:59

ApocalypseThen: "Well I don't know whether they have that reputation, but if they do, it's ill deserved. There were remarks about militant women using breast feeding to prove a point and saying that that's child abuse, stuff about how they don't want to see or hear feeding babies, why do babies matter anyway etc., and the ones I consider perverted which compare breast feeding to using the toilet in public."

I read the comments on the Guardian piece yesterday and I was in a fury. People really are extraordinarily stupid. How can anyone object to a woman feeding her baby?

The thing is, though, I'm pretty sure most of the people who comment on Guardian articles aren't really Guardian readers, in the sense that they buy the print edition. They're just people who haven't got anything better to do with their time than write stupid offensive remarks on newspaper websites. I bet there's a big overlap with people who comment on the Mail site (and other news sites).

Beatrixemerald · 03/12/2014 09:01

Ignorant because I now realise however much you might like to be discreet it isnt always possible.

marnia68 · 03/12/2014 09:01

.I b/fd all 5 of my DC til they self weaned between 2 & 3 and to be honest it puts me rightoff when I see B/feeding in a restaurant
I don't actually see what the problem with the napkin is iIt doesn't hurt mother or baby and doesn't put others off their tea.It is called showing consideration.