Splitting the bill

[Fallingovercliffs]

I know this topic probably comes up every Christmas but how do people feel about this?
I was out with some friends a couple of nights ago and we all had more or less the same amount of food and drink, but when the bill came someone took out their phone and started calculating who had what and how much each person owed. A couple of us said 'Look, we'll just split it. Less complicated' but they insisted on doing the 'Susan didn't have a starter. John had a beer before the rest of us got here' stuff.
AIBU to think this is incredibly petty?
Obviously if someone wasn't drinking I'd make sure they didn't pay for any of the wine. Or if I ordered a very expensive main course I'd insist on throwing in a few extra quid. But otherwise, just split the bill!!

Squoosh I think it was the implication that someone who couldn't afford an additional £4.52 for food they hadn't eaten was 'sad' which made it sound as though you were unsympathetic. For those on a limited budget, it doesn't have to be a big difference between what they were expecting to pay for their food and the cost of splitting to make things uncomfortably tight.

If someone has gone out with £15 for a meal and eaten one cheap main and a glass of water, I would understand if they were frustrated to find out that they had to pay a third more than they were expecting because someone else had had starters, puddings and wine.

I just don't go out with people who do this anymore, as I was always the one who ended up short (often drive, only drink wine if I do drink no cocktails/spirits, don't order something expensive if nobody else is etc) yet ended up making up the shortfall most often when others didn't pay their fair share.
Happy to itemise or just split as long as it is roughly fair though, depends on who I'm out with.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here.

It depends on two things

• how big a difference is there between what everyone's ordered (5 difference not a big deal; 25 more of a big deal)

• how much spare money does everyone have. For some people an extra 10 on the bill makes a huge difference, for others not.

- how big a difference is there between what everyone's ordered (5 difference not a big deal; 25 more of a big deal)

Again, the assumption that some people can afford to cough up an extra £5 every time they go out to eat is possibly what makes this so difficult for people on a budget. You may not think that a £5 difference is a big deal, but if you have budgeted carefully then it can be huge, especially if you find that you are always the one who is paying £5 more. I am lucky enough to be able to write off that amount on the occasions I go out but I would never assume that someone else could, or should, so I always try to split the bill for the benefit of those who might not want to share their financial woes with everyone but also might need that £5 for something more important than someone else's pudding.

I'm on a tight budget but I would always allow a few extra pounds over and above what I'm planning to order on a night out. It's a bit risky to go out for dinner with literally just enough to cover the cheapest starter and main course and one glass of wine. If I was in that situation I think I'd just suggest meeting up for a few drinks or ask the person I was closest to in the group if they could bail me out if the split came to more than I had on me, and I'd pay them back.
Not talking about situations where there is a huge discrepancy between what one person has had and another, but situations where everyone else is willing to split because it's just a couple of pounds here and there.

Agree DoJo that's what my second point was supposed to mean!

I find the best thing to do now is decide what's happening before the order gets put in. We always agree if we are going to split or itemise then its not a shock or a pain in the arse at the end.

I am Scottish by birth and proud of it, but as a joke it's assumed I will penny-pinch.
Things couldn't be further from the truth. I will often overpay if I'm out with friends but I draw the line when someone is obviously 'extracting the urine'

If I went out, £15 would represent a fair bit of penny pinching in other areas of my life. An extra £4.52, just so someone else could have a drink or pudding, would mean I couldn't go.

Makes me :( that I'm considered "sad" for this. Will think more carefully about attending Christmas do's this month.

It's not necessarily about not being able to afford £5 or whatever, it can be about just not wanting to spend your money that way. I enjoy treating my friends but just constantly paying a bit extra for meals (and, no, it doesn't even out, the same people always get more expensive food/drink in my experience) is not something anyone ever appreciates, it's just a subsidy they expect.

I always find when people total up their own costs they tend to underestimate the service charge and just chuck a couple of quid in per couple. Then there's a massive discrepancy. Or if they didn't like their food...so don't want to pay a service charge...great well that's the rest of us paying for you then

I'm not sure that people are underestimating the tip, I think - often - they're choosing to tip less. If you feel the staff deserve more and want to top it up, that's your business but I don't think people are necessarily expecting you to. I have often had the experience where I think the service has been poor but my companions disagree - e.g. as a vegetarian, I've had to send food back for having small bits of meat in it and had my friends not really register that.

If it's just a pound or two difference it is a bit petty to start counting up pennies. But if some people are on double gins or vintage champagne and others on tapwater then that's different.

If I'm out with family, the norm is that we split the bill between adults, kids are absorbed into the rest. I have a large family, so it could be 20 people eating, but split between 15 adults. It's the way it's always been, so normal for us. Doesn't matter who drinks or not, it all works out in the end.

If I'm out with friends or work, I work out what I have had, leave that plus a fiver'ish for a tip (we eat in cheap places) then leave the rest to sort it out.

I do drink, not wine but usually a couple of beers, and do resent subbing those who want expensive bottles and then expect others to sub that.

I've been out to two group meals (with different people) in the last week. At both, the person who said 'lets spilt the meal' had a more expensive meal. Not by that much but by a bit. At one of the meals one person ended up spending over a tenner more that their portion of the bill. I tried to suggest they pay less but they said they didn't mind. I bet they did really.....

I think you should only suggest splitting the bill if you have personally spent less than other people.

I agree that if it's a few quid then it's ok but paying £20 when you've only spent £10 is not on.

but situations where everyone else is willing to split because it's just a couple of pounds here and there.

For the main group I go out with, there are definitely one or two on a very tight budget for whom a couple of pounds is a big deal. We want to have these people with us as they are friends, so we all agree to pay for what we owe.

If you think that makes us sad, then I really suggest that you find some compassion. My friends don't want the group subsidizing them, they want to pay what they owe, and we want to enjoy their company, so no bill splitting. We do try to arrange stuff at each others houses to keep the costs down as well as the odd night out.

Ultimately, it's going to depend on the occasion and the company. A small group, as in Squoosh's case, could easily split bills as they see each other regularly and know it averages out. On the other hand, I would not be comfortable in bill splitting if out with a group of people I would very rarely see, or if in a large group, where there is a far greater opportunity for piss-takers to, well, take the piss. Even if I could afford it.

'A small group, as in Squoosh's case, could easily split bills as they see each other regularly and know it averages out.'

But none of us want to! Do I tell my friends that from now on we work out bills to the last breadcrumb because someone on the internet decided we should?

Yeah, I'll get back to you on that one.

Bah, I misread your post. Ignore my last comment.

How bad do you wish MN had an edit button

Personally I hate that crap of working out who had what. If you can't afford to go out for dinner and be relaxed about it, skip it. If someone is v hard up that might be different but that is not the case mostly.

Was out recently with a group of friends, and one pal had had a dessert wine and she then tried to pay us all an extra £1.50 to cover it. Honestly, it makes me cringe. I certainly don't begrudge her her extra glass of wine, if I had felt like it, I would have had one too, and I don't need her £1.50, how much difference is that going to make to anyone's life? It's just precious and sours the night a bit ime.

Honestly, mostly you are talking v small difference and what does it matter between friends? Can't believe some people appear to be keeping track over time!

Frequently slithy, frequently!

For the main group I go out with, there are definitely one or two on a very tight budget for whom a couple of pounds is a big deal. We want to have these people with us as they are friends, so we all agree to pay for what we owe.

If you think that makes us sad, then I really suggest that you find some compassion."

I do have compassion which is why, if I know there are people in the group who are in an extremely tight financial situation, I don't choose places that are going to stretch them to the pin of their collar. I would either suggest we just meet for a couple of drinks, have pizza in someone's house, go out for lunch or whatever. I would hate to think someone in the group was anxiously scanning the menu for the cheapest thing, totting up in their head to see if they could afford a coffee, sipping on one glass of wine or whatever.

As I've already said, I don't agree with splitting the bill when there's a huge discrepancy between what people have had, but when it's a tiny difference it usually makes sense.

Let's face it: vegetarian teetotallers are always going to lose out when it comes to bill splitting.

Vegetarian teetollers are already losing out as far as I can see.

Two virtues too many.

I agree that as long as the discrepancy isn't too huge then it's good manners to suck up any difference in bill.

I have got cross with dh's brother, though, when on every occasion he moots splitting the bill between dh and him, when his family consists of five adults and we are two adults and two children. Now the dcs are bigger but I was spitting feathers when we had to pay for half the meal when dd was a few months old! She really didn't get her money's worth!

Also can't bear the types who at an office lunch leap up from the table a bit early, citing "having to get back to work" and quickly leave exactly £5.95 for their pizza. No, love, you had a coke as well, plus there's service and tip.