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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance row

146 replies

Nutmeg303 · 02/12/2014 12:36

I'm new to the site, so hello everyone.
I have been told I have inherited some money from a friend of my mother's. She and my father have also inherited the same amount. She's a little upset that my siblings have been left out. She has told me that she is sharing the money with my dad, so I should be sharing the money I have inherited with my siblings. She argues this by saying that her friend must have forgotten their names, but she knew her and she is sure this is what she wanted. She is also angry that because she is sharing with my dad, she feels she is getting less than me.

I hate arguments and I love my siblings and my plan was to give them a third of my inheritance, which is a substantial amount. I would like to keep the rest of the money for my own family. I need a sanity check here - but do you think I am being unreasonable? I am under intense pressure, and my dad doesn't stand up to her and I know that my siblings will probably agree with her because they stand to benefit so i feel quite isolated.
Thanks everyone in advance

OP posts:

throckenholt · 03/12/2014 08:38

MissWimpyDimple
My cousins inherited a substantial amount of money that was intended to be split between them and my brother and I.

If it is intended to be split it should be written into the will. The will as it is written is what must legally be enacted. If it doesn't say split it between x and y, then it is entirely up to the person who inherits to decide what to do with it.

The will isn't what we think they meant to write, or what I would have preferred them to write, it is what they did write.

So as lots of people have said - it is up to the OP to decide what she (or her and her DH) want to do with the inheritance (when they actually get it).

frostyfingers · 03/12/2014 08:45

If you want to share some of the inheritance with your siblings then that's fine. You shouldn't do it because you feel you ought to or because of pressure from your Mum. A will is a binding legal document, it's not there as a guide, and no-one else should be trying to interpret what they think the will maker wanted.

Frogme · 03/12/2014 08:49

Whether the ins and outs are right or fair, it boils down to - Is it worth falling out with your family?

That's the crux of it.

Will dm also adjust her will to take this into account? Are the repercussions worth that sum of money?

Chunderella · 03/12/2014 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm · 03/12/2014 08:59

Yanbu. You get no say in what your mother does with her inheritance, and she gets no say in what you do with yours.

I'd be mightily pissed off if I was the deceased looking down and people were changing where I had intended my money to go.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/12/2014 08:59

It all comes down to it that she feels she's getting less than you so you should share..... If she'd got more and you less I doubt she'd be asking you to split the cash with your siblings.

Chunderella · 03/12/2014 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 03/12/2014 09:08

So you intend to keep 2/3rds for yourself & split 1/3 between your siblings?

Do you think that they'll be happy with that?

because if not, you might as well give them nothing!

WildFlowersAttractBees · 03/12/2014 09:11

It appears the money was intended solely for you. You say you think your mother was expecting more, why is that?

SuperFlyHigh · 03/12/2014 09:28

You could (sneaky and passive aggressive) mention that you hoped this would not affect your/your DC inheritance from your DM in the future, but this is very much playing with fire....

QuietsBatmobileLostAWheel · 03/12/2014 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ssd · 03/12/2014 15:34

TBH I dont think the mother is intending to share hers with anyone but she expects her daughter too.

HappyAgainOneDay · 03/12/2014 15:39

If the person who left the money to you wanted your siblings to have some but didn't know their names, she could have said something like "the children of X".

wowfudge · 03/12/2014 16:02

The way I see it, the OP's mother is miffed that she has been left the same amount as the OP when it was her friend who has died.

The OP's 'D'M is now trying to get the OP to dilute her inheritance by sharing it with her siblings who the friend didn't even know.

What is it with people and money? I'd be suggesting the mother split hers too - it's twaddle that she's sharing it with her husband.

MrsBennington · 03/12/2014 17:22

Miss Wimpy If the inheritance was intended to be split why wasn't this stipulated in the Will?

SuperFlyHigh · 03/12/2014 17:24

wow etc this is all just supposition - we don't know anything about OP's relationship with her DM's friend etc.

Her DM however does sound a bit strange, my mum would never suggest this in a million years and most DM's the same!

I do think there may have been a bit of as per Quiets - the DM promised the siblings some money because she hoped she'd get more. Perhaps DM's friend knew DM was graspy so left daughter and DM the same.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/12/2014 17:25

Mrs yes, I work for solicitors and if this was meant to be happening (not sure how we'd word it it's normally £xxx to Jane Grey etc...

you don't normally leave money to unspecified people. In fact for unborn GC etc I don't know what we do... must ask

Bowlersarm · 03/12/2014 17:32

Chunderella I agree with you in that if my beneficiary wanted to share the inheritance i had left her between her siblings, give it to the local cats home, or squander it on a nights gambling then that's up to her and her alone, no one else.

If I were the OP I might give a token amount to my siblings but no way would I share it out equally (I don't think).

We had a lovely old aunt who died and had always said she would leave everything equally between my siblings and I and a cousin (she had no children). When she died it became apparent that she had changed her will without telling anyone and my sister copped the majority by a long way. My sister didn't share it out, and I wouldnt have expected her to; for whatever reason my aunt wanted her to have it and I never would have made a scene about it.

WorkingBling · 03/12/2014 17:38

A few years ago an aunt of my father's died. I was surprised to see she'd left me a small inheritance as I'd never even met her and had no contact with her. What I was LESS surprised by, was that she left my brother a significantly larger inheritance - although he also had not met her, he had written to her regularly for 15 years from the age of about 12. Unsurprisingly, she felt she had a relationship with him and that was reflected in his inheritance.

Neither me nor other brother had any issue with the one who got the most money. It was his relationship with an elderly aunt. He had invested time and effort to make an elderly woman less lonely from a very young age and frankly we were all a bit embarassed that she'd left the rest of us anything at all.

Your mum is being ridiculous.

Monmouth · 03/12/2014 17:46

You don't say how well, you knew this women.

Why were you so close, that she left you a substantial sum of money, but she did not know your siblings.

Either way she left it to you, you may do what you want with it.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/12/2014 17:57

So many stories here it's true.

My mum's paternal uncle left both her and her dad a significant amount of money and my mum the family antiques. Her dad was miffed at this.

Both her half sisters were left out or small inheritances yet they his ex when their other paternal uncle died who they were close to.

My mum was close to her uncle and this was reflected.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/12/2014 17:58

Sorry my mums half sisters inherited from their uncle.

MoreBonkersThanBonkers · 03/12/2014 18:22

So your Mum gets to share her inheritance with her DH ie she gets to keep it but she thinks you shouldn't share it with your DH and should give it to 'her' children. Sorry but your Mum is being very, very unreasonable.

If your siblings got a windfall from somewhere else would they share it with you? If they wouldn't why would they expect you to share your money with them.

My suggestion is that you offer to give a 'token' gift to your siblings as long as your mother matches the amount.

If your siblings kick off you tell them that the money has gone into the family pot and that any money you give them you have to give an equivalent amount to your DHs family. Alternatively, you could just tell them you have some massive credit card bills to pay off. Personally, I prefer to be straight with people but this might be one of those times where it's worth stretching the truth for the sake of family harmony.

ssd · 03/12/2014 18:42

any updates op?

littleleftie · 03/12/2014 18:48

YANBU. This is nothing to do with your mother or your siblings.

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