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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance row

146 replies

Nutmeg303 · 02/12/2014 12:36

I'm new to the site, so hello everyone.
I have been told I have inherited some money from a friend of my mother's. She and my father have also inherited the same amount. She's a little upset that my siblings have been left out. She has told me that she is sharing the money with my dad, so I should be sharing the money I have inherited with my siblings. She argues this by saying that her friend must have forgotten their names, but she knew her and she is sure this is what she wanted. She is also angry that because she is sharing with my dad, she feels she is getting less than me.

I hate arguments and I love my siblings and my plan was to give them a third of my inheritance, which is a substantial amount. I would like to keep the rest of the money for my own family. I need a sanity check here - but do you think I am being unreasonable? I am under intense pressure, and my dad doesn't stand up to her and I know that my siblings will probably agree with her because they stand to benefit so i feel quite isolated.
Thanks everyone in advance

OP posts:

calculatorsatdawn · 02/12/2014 12:58

If I inhereted a wad cash from a family friend the most I would give my brother is the petrol money as he dropped me and DP off at the airport on our way to the bahamas and I would expect nothing less from him. We love each other dearly but I don't think it would even cross either of our minds to share it.

I can just imagine how a thread from one of your siblings or your mother would go down on here... AIBU to expect my sister to share an ineritence that was left by someone who can't remember my name?

Greenkit · 02/12/2014 12:58

I guess it depends on how much it is, how much you and your family need it, how much your siblings need it and if you can stand to have a rift in your family forever.

I would probably treat your siblins and keep the rest to help my own family

KitKat1985 · 02/12/2014 12:59

The question here I think is whether YOU think your mothers friend meant for you to share the money or not. Is there a reason she would have only left money to you? Were you closer to her than your siblings? Do you have money troubles whereas your siblings don't? If you don't think she meant for you to share it then you have no obligation to if the will doesn't state it. Your Mum needs to understand that what she does with her share is irrelevant to what you do with your share (and I think sharing with a husband is very different to sharing with siblings).

bonkersLFDT20 · 02/12/2014 13:00

Surely your Mother must know whether your siblings knew the deceased or not.

SuperFlyHigh · 02/12/2014 13:00

how did your siblings stand to benefit? she left the money to you and your parents not to them.

Its out of the goodness of your heart if anyone chooses to share the money with your siblings (parents included).

I felt guilty years ago because I was left a considerable amount of money by a great uncle and couldn't tell my half siblings. I bought them very nice presents though. Years on I've fallen out with my half sister who's very materialistic anyway.

KitKat1985 · 02/12/2014 13:01

Sorry x post. Well if she never knew your siblings then I suspect she had no intention of leaving them money. Keep it I say.

SuperFlyHigh · 02/12/2014 13:02

Basically what I've understood here is:-

a) you and your mother received x amount of money in will.
b) your mother is sharing it with your dad (she doesn't have to).

there is no obligation on you to share it at all.

Original poster

Nutmeg303 · 02/12/2014 13:02

I wouldn't mind but she tells me she was sitting with her friend when they made the will so she could have mentioned the names then!

OP posts:

OneHandFlapping · 02/12/2014 13:03

I agree with Mona.

I would want to share such an inheritance with my siblings, because I love them, and I know they could do with the money. However, it's unfair of your mother to expect this of you, while she keeps her share to herself - sharing it with her DH doesn't count.

MiddletonPink · 02/12/2014 13:03

If it's not in the will it's not in the will. Meaning it's only down to your generosity if you feel the need to split it.

Years ago an aunt died and left my 3 older siblings some money but not me. Nobody could work out why.I was an adult, married with a baby. The siblings all quickly decided to split the money which was very kind of them.

ExitPursuedByABear · 02/12/2014 13:04

She left it to you. You say she did not know your siblings so why on earth would she leave money to people she didn't know?

Your mother is being very unreasonable.

Depending on how much the money is, I would just treat your siblings to a nice gift then keep the rest for yourself.

SuperFlyHigh · 02/12/2014 13:04

OP - what you fail to get here (I work for a lawyers we draft wills all the time) is that if this friend had wanted to leave your siblings in the will, she would have done so, or she would have given your mother's name and come back with names for will if she didn't know the names.

She didn't do this so it probably wasn't planned. Tough titty. Let your siblings get upset. Are they half or step siblings out of interest?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 02/12/2014 13:05

Nutmeg, you say that the only reason you can think that she didn't name your siblings is that she didn't know them. That is a pretty good reason!

Did she know you?

If she had a relationship with you and none with your sings, I think you are being super generous sharing it with your siblings.

On the other hand, if you didn't know the lady either, then it would appear to be an error. And I would split equally.

StillSquirrelling · 02/12/2014 13:05

If she didn't know your siblings then she has no reason to want to leave them any money! They are not entitled to it just because they are your siblings!

From what I gather, I think your mum is jealous that you will be receiving more than she will because 'her' share is going to her and your dad as a couple and yours is going just to you.

Do your siblings get Christmas bonuses at all? Or have any of them ever had minor wins at bingo or on the lottery? Have they made sure that they've split the proceeds equally with you and your other siblings? That's effectively what your mother is asking you to do.

Inheritance from a non-family member can be classed, I think, in the same league as a lottery windfall. There's no entitlement for other members of your family to share in it. If your DM's friend had wanted it shared with your siblings, then she would have specified it in her will, whether or not she knew their names.

I personally would tell them all to bugger off if they are going to be pressurising you into giving away your money.

SanityClause · 02/12/2014 13:05

Whatever you do will be reasonable. The money was left to you, so it would be reasonable to keep it, but if you choose to give some to your siblings that would be fine, too.

What would your mother say about both of you pooling all the money, and splitting it equally between her, your father, you and your siblings? Would you be happy with that?

Would your mother be likely to try turn this into a family feud, and turn your siblings against you? In this case, will the money compensate for the loss of your relationship with your siblings?

You have been put in a difficult position, and I wish you all the best in steering through a tricky course.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 02/12/2014 13:06

Ok this keeps getting odder and odder.

Your mother sat with her friend whilst she made the will, but now your mother is surprised that your sibkings have been omitted?

DuchessDisaster · 02/12/2014 13:07

Your mother's friend left that money to you. That is what she wrote in her will, that is what she wanted. If she had wanted any other arrangement she would have worded the will accordingly.
I see no reason at all to share your windfall with your siblings, unless we are talking millions, but even then only a token amount, surely?

spamanderson · 02/12/2014 13:07

If the will named you and allocated you money, that money is yours, it is not up to your mother, father, siblings etc what you do with the money. If you want to share, you share, if you want to give them a small amount, give them that, buy them a car or splurge it all on your family, do so, do whatever you feel is right, not what you think is being expected of you OR what you're being told to do.

Riverland · 02/12/2014 13:10

If your mother was present during the writing of the will, presumably she knows what the relative in question wanted to happen with her money?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/12/2014 13:10

What Allalonenow said:
Stick to the terms of the will, and don't be influenced by your Mother. If she wants your siblings to benefit from the inheritance let her give them some of her money.

You are already sharing it with your own family. Would you expect your siblings to share unexpected good fortune with you?

It is kind of you to share some of your windfall if that's what you want to do.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 02/12/2014 13:13

I wouldn't mind but she tells me she was sitting with her friend when they made the will so she could have mentioned the names then

Yes and Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were the witnesses.

Original poster

Nutmeg303 · 02/12/2014 13:14

My mother's a bit mad, and I'm not always sure what she says is true! I also think perhaps she was expecting more and was going to give my siblings some money, but she realised it was the same amount then this happened.

OP posts:

Sandthorn · 02/12/2014 13:15

Good God! Your mum is being completely unreasonable here! You mention your own family... Doesn't she consider you to be sharing your windfall with them just as much as she is sharing hers with your dad? Sounds to me like she has sour grapes because she didn't get the lot. Is she normally greedy?

At any rate, she has no right to undermine your friend's decision. The money is yours now, as was intended, and as much as anything you earn, or anything else you own... Presumably you don't split your salary with your siblings? If you want to give them any of it, that's generous. If your mum thinks they're hard done by, she's welcome to give them her own money.

Riverland · 02/12/2014 13:16

Well, do what your heart dictates. don't let money create any poison for you.

bruffin · 02/12/2014 13:17

Wouldnt there be tax implications if you gave money to your siblings as well.

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