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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance row

146 replies

Nutmeg303 · 02/12/2014 12:36

I'm new to the site, so hello everyone.
I have been told I have inherited some money from a friend of my mother's. She and my father have also inherited the same amount. She's a little upset that my siblings have been left out. She has told me that she is sharing the money with my dad, so I should be sharing the money I have inherited with my siblings. She argues this by saying that her friend must have forgotten their names, but she knew her and she is sure this is what she wanted. She is also angry that because she is sharing with my dad, she feels she is getting less than me.

I hate arguments and I love my siblings and my plan was to give them a third of my inheritance, which is a substantial amount. I would like to keep the rest of the money for my own family. I need a sanity check here - but do you think I am being unreasonable? I am under intense pressure, and my dad doesn't stand up to her and I know that my siblings will probably agree with her because they stand to benefit so i feel quite isolated.
Thanks everyone in advance

OP posts:
Riverland · 02/12/2014 13:17

Nutmeg, you say your mum is a bit mad. Was the relative also a bit mad?

Looks like your job is to be sane!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/12/2014 13:18

It's your inheritance. I wouldn't share it unless the woman who died had asked me to.

Riverland · 02/12/2014 13:20

Being tough about money and taking the inheritance literally as 'MINE, ALLLLL MIIINE" doesn't lok like OP's style.

throckenholt · 02/12/2014 13:23

Technically your mum's inheritance belongs to both your parents (assuming they are married) - so she isn't "sharing" it with him.

As for your bit - it was knowingly left to you, and not your siblings. It is entirely up to you to decide what you want to do with it (although if you are married then again technically the inheritance also belongs to your husband so you would need his agreement).

As a sibling I would not expect my sibling to share any inheritance they got, even if from a long standing family friend.

Families and wills - often a cause of friction sadly.

ivykaty44 · 02/12/2014 13:25

How can your mum have been expecting more when she was with this person when the will was written - she would have known what and who was in the will...

throckenholt · 02/12/2014 13:28

even more odd ! Was this will drawn up by a solicitor ? Was it witnessed independently ? (presumably your mum wasn't a witness because she was a beneficiary).

I think you need to distance yourself from your mum over this - because it sounds like she is morphing the story over time to support her wishes.

ClaimedByMe · 02/12/2014 13:30

My siblings wouldn't accept the money from me under these circumstances, if I offered I'm pretty sure they would refuse to take it, just as I wouldn't them to share their money with me!

AMumInScotland · 02/12/2014 13:31

This friend knew you and named you specifically in her will. So her intentions were perfectly clear. She left that money to you as an individual, and what your mother thinks she ought to have meant has nothing to do with anything.

If she had meant 'to all of X's children' she could have said that, or asked for their names. She didn't, so it's clear that she wrote what she wrote because that's what she meant.

If you choose to give money to your siblings, that's up to you. Do you think they'd do the same if someone you didn't know left them money?

lavenderhoney · 02/12/2014 13:34

Talk directly to who is executing the will and ensure they transfer money directly to you.
What your mother does/ doesn't do is no concern. Bear in mind that if/ when your parents pass on, you may expect money to be divided equally ( unless one or other remarries etc) so if there is any left everyone will get something. Unless they have specified differently in their will.

Your share- you don't have to pass to siblings. your mother has no say over an inheritance, a bonus or making money on a property - what difference is it really? It's an unexpected gift. What about giving your dh half?:)

Don't get into a dicussion about it tbh. if you want to treat your siblings to a nominal amount ( which I think is weird as they didn't even know her!) then do, but one day, you might need that money, who knows what is round the corner?

Will your dm also want a say in how you or your siblings/ df spend it? She sounds very bossy and interfering to me. Do you live close to her?

TheChandler · 02/12/2014 13:37

YANBU not one little bit. In fact YABU to feel obliged to give one third to your siblings.

I think the wishes of the person leaving the money should be respected.

steff13 · 02/12/2014 13:38

I don't understand how your mom was friends with this person, yet she didn't know your siblings. That seems so weird to me.

She didn't have a relationship with any of your siblings, so she didn't leave them anything, fair enough. If my brother inherited money from someone I didn't know (or even someone I did!), I wouldn't expect him to share it with me. If I inherited and he didn't, I'd probably give him something, just because he's my brother, but I wouldn't split it equally.

OP, go forward as you've planned. If your mom wants your siblings to have more than what you want to give them, let her give it.

ajandjjmum · 02/12/2014 13:46

Sounds very odd.

How come your Mum's friend (presumably) knew you well enough to leave a significant inheritance, but never knew your siblings?

Did you see her more, live more locally or keep in touch in any other way? Are you in a different financial position to your siblings? There must surely be a reason for her making that decision.

Whatever - you need to make a decision you're happy with, and I think your initial idea to share a third is very generous.

tiggytape · 02/12/2014 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

financialwizard · 02/12/2014 13:48

Your mother is strange. IF, and only IF you want to give your siblings some money from this inheritance should you. If you don't tell your Mum to jog on.

Bambinho · 02/12/2014 13:49

Please take professional advice before making any decisions. You could be creating a big inheritance tax issue for yourself if you give a large amount away.

The total current amount you can give away is £3000 per year free of tax implications Inheritance tax is payable on estates valued over £325,000 and taxed at 40%. If you were to die within seven years of this gift your husband would be exempt from the tax but your children wouldn't.

Boltonlass · 02/12/2014 13:50

This is your money - simples.

I beats me why people think they have any right to change the decisions made by the person who bequeathed the money.

She wanted you to have it - so she gave it to you.
If she had wanted anybody else to have it, she would have made a different will. But she didn't.

You should respect her wishes and use the money for your family - as she wanted you to!

bonkersLFDT20 · 02/12/2014 13:52

If your Mother was sitting with the woman perhaps she should have indicated that leaving money just to you would cause problems for your Mum

Did the deceased not even know you had siblings? You wonder why it didn't occur to her that it might cause a rift.

Boltonlass · 02/12/2014 13:53

PS your mum can give as much of her cash as she likes to your siblings if she feels so strongly about it, instead of keeping hers and expecting you to hand over yours.

Davsmum · 02/12/2014 13:53

The money was left to you - What you do with it is entirely up to you.
You have already said you intend to give them a third to share between them - This is generous.
However, if you think they may be resentful or moan about getting that amount ( which they are not entitled to BTW) - I wouldn't bother giving them anything.
Your Mother should not be moaning that she gets less than you if she shares hers with your Dad - He is her husband and that is what couples do because they chose each other to be partners!
Tell your Mum to mind her own business- she is being a control freak!

wildswans · 02/12/2014 13:56

How will you feel if your Mum decides to retaliate by cutting you out of her will?

Cleo22 · 02/12/2014 13:57

Have you actually seen the will? There may be something in the will which would explain why only you received a share and not your siblings

hagarthorne · 02/12/2014 14:01

It's entirely yours. That 'divvy up fairly' comment is daft. Your plans seem very generous indeed.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/12/2014 14:02

For people worried about IHT you can vary a will if all beneficiaries agree so you wouldn't be treated as a potentially except transfer for IHT. The variation would stand in place of original will. That's not to say you should vary, OP, just that there is a way to do it.

Bearbehind · 02/12/2014 14:04

This whole situation is very weird.

Your mother was with the person when the will was made yet doesn't know what it actually said?

You were close enough to this person to be bequeathed a substantial sum yet you don't even know if person knew your siblings?

Im not sure anyone can offer advice without knowing the back story to this.

and starting a thread in Money then ignoring it and posting the same thing on here isn't great netiquette

Jackiebrambles · 02/12/2014 14:07

Good god, I am utterly flabbergasted that your mum has suggested this.

The inheritance is yours. The lady didn't even know your siblings so why on earth would you share it with them??

Do what you want with it OP, if your family hold it against you they are being pathetic. Why on earth would your sibling, who didn't even know this lady, feel like they have a claim to her money now she's dead?!