to wonder if anyone on here has had their Christmas deliberately ruined by a spouse or family member who hates it.

[Darkesteyes]

Starting this thread has been prompted by a couple of threads ive read on here today.
Its galling how manipulative and sneaky some people can be just because they hate Christmas and dont enjoy it so they dont want anyone else to enjoy it either.
Dont get me wrong. I know it can be a stressful time and ive found it more stressful both last year and now but i would never take it out on anyone else or actively set out to stop someone else enjoying it. Has anyone experienced something like this?

What strength you must have Vanille So pleased for you.

My parents for some obscure reason 'celebrated' Xmas on Christmas Eve, in the evening.

One Christmas Eve when I'd have been no older than 5 I was sent to my room for the whole of the day for having been 'very rude' to my great aunt.

I asked, 'But what did I say?'

And was told, 'You know very well what you said.'

To this day, I haven't a clue...

Working as a PA a few years ago, my boss had me working right up until Christmas eve- not in itself unreasonable but my home town is several hours away so I told my boss that I was booked on the last train out of London that evening, I think it was due to leave about five- so I'd piled into work on the tube that morning with a huge case, wrapped presents etc.

At about 3pm she sweeps back into the office with her 18month old baby, puts him down on the floor and says she's still got loads of last minute bits and pieces to do with shopping etc and the baby was being a nightmare and sweeps out before I can say anything! So I'm trying to amuse a crotchety baby (who barely knew me from Adam, poor thing) and panicking that I won't get my train.

She comes back at 5:10 and magnanimously declares I may now leave to get my train.

I'd missed it obviously but managed to beg a lovely station attendant to let me on one that got me within 30 miles, and my Dad came to pick me up.

Boss said if I didn't manage to get home and ended up alone in London for Christmas I'd be welcome to come to hers to help out while her and her husband had a relaxing Christmas!

I have dreadful parents; Dad chronic alcoholic and mother who enabled him, whilst we were all supposed to ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening. Mother also hated Christmas due to losing a twin sister just before Christmas when she was a teenager; so we'd get presents, just not wrapped; a sheet of paper just sellotaped somewhere on large items; but not covering them for example. A whole week of work with him pissed to the point of coma, and then the ambulance to A&E when he started vomiting or pissing blood; or having a fit.
Sad thing is, I had my own little dance with alcoholism and whilst not as bad as my dad, I'm sure my own family thought it was completely shit.
I would do anything to change that, but I can't so I make every Christmas the absolute best that I can, now.

My Mother loves to ruin all special occasions that aren't about her.
When we were kids she would find an excuse to have a strop and stomp off in a huff or would say she was sick so we had to support her to bravely soldier through (we did the work she took the credit). As we got older she would give one of us three kids a great present while the other two got something cheap or that she knew we would hate - no one knew who would get the good thing. When we got old enough to have our own christmas's she insisted that we come to her but would make us cook and do all the work including decorating her house and buying our siblings presents from her for which she would take credit. Any year we weren't coming for dinner she would decide to be sick but insist we come in the morning and open presents while she watched in her dressing gown. She would then phone at least 5 times and would only phone at times she knew we would be busy such as sitting down to lunch. The person she called would then have to listen to her talk about herself for at least an hour while there food got cold or they missed a family activity.
She would then follow this up on boxing day with a horrible revelation about herself which would ruin any good feeling left.

This is part of the reason I have been no contact with my mother for the last two years.

It's not even half as bad as all these other tales, but the Christmas after DD3 was born it was the ILs turn to come to us.

I phoned my mother in the morning having managed to grab 5 mins away from a screaming child, and she cried down the phone at me about how awful it was to spend Christmas alone (she had other plans).

I felt so guilty and awful all day that I had a miserable and awful Christmas. But I decided to call her up in the evening to tell her we missed her etc.

Cue her laughing down the phone about what a lovely day she had had, all the champagne, and what fun it was.

If I'm feeling generous I think that she had an unexpectedly good day and that's great. If I'm not I suspect she laid it on thick to make me feel shit. Incidentally my DB spoke to her on Christmas and she was very chipper...

My ex.

One year spent all the day getting drunk and coked up with his friends in his bedroom whilst I sat with his family downstairs very uncomfortable.

The next I was in the garden looking at the snow and he decided to pick an argument, he ended up strangling and punching me. I saw red, punched him back, the silly fucker slipped on the snow and ended up on his arse with a broken nose. I'm not proud of that but I walked away and never went back to him.

Oh, my goodness - some very sad stories on here. I came on to post some stupid lighthearted shit, but it is now not relevant, and won't be funny any more.

Willow, Vanille Grays (and everyone else who has been so very sad) - Good luck to all of you, and hope you now have happy times ahead.

Thankyou Evans. I'm so happy now, have an amazing partner and have never looked back. Christmas is special now

I would LOVE to hear your lighthearted ones though!

the past few years i've just ended up going to bed at 7 or 8pm after eating way too much and drinking too much because it always ends with mum and dad having a raging row because they're pissed. I don't want to be part of that anymore so I come home from grandparents before them, or I stay at my grandparents. problem solved. there have been many a tear from me and dsis on christmas that its just not worth it anymore. it's a lovely day up until about 9pm then the arguments start. I can't deal.
However, the past 2 christmases, I've gone to DPs on boxing day and had an all-round better christmas. We exchange our gifts and have a lovely meal and sit and talk as a family. Everyone's there and it's lovely. no shouting as there is no drink involved. We go to bed happy and with no arguments. It makes me look forward to christmas. I cannot wait to move away from my parents so they can come to my house and leave when they want instead of arguing.
I find christmas to be a magical time and I am an adult. It's a time for love, and family, and happiness. Thats all I ask for, arguments aren't happy and my dad always seems to kick off.
This year, my dad proposed to my mum, and he's been working away a lot and they're really excited to see each other. He comes home christmas eve and goes back on boxing day, we're all sad but kinda happy he's coming back.
He's ruined christmas every year without knowing it. I hope this year is different.

God I meant to add that mine is nowhere near as bad as some of these! And she didn't ruin actual Christmas of course- though she did scupper the meal part of a Christmas eve catch up with friends as I was so late (and my dad's beloved Christmas eve pub session)

She was rather a selfish woman.

Jesus im so sorry to hear the experiences on this thread. Absolutely appalling.

I had a tightwad ex who apparently couldnt buy anything for his family until NYE because he didnt get paid till then. When i asked if he didnt get paid on October 31st or November 30th he didnt like it. He was hoping that by NYE he wouldnt have to bother.
It wasnt just Xmas either. I remember going to his brothers 40th 8 years ago. I asked what we were going to get him for his birthday and even offered to go halves on something like a posh bottle of plonk. But no he said we could just turn up with a card.
He used to shout at me if i was in the shower for more than 3 mins and if i dared to quickly wash an apple under the tap before eating it. I took these as red flags for financial abuse and these were some of the reasons why i ended it.

DH doesnt like Christmas that much. In the run up to Xmas 2006 he was particularly difficult. He wrapped up 2 presents and that was all he was prepared to do. He asked why the presents just couldnt be given to people in tesco carrier bags That was the year i blew my stack at him because id had enough. Wrapping the presents was the ONLY thing i would ask him to do because im shit at it.
Hes much better now. He will do some of the xmas shopping and wraps all the presents though he does huff and puff over it a bit. Some of that is down to his recently diagnosed COPD and some is exasperation over Xmas.

Thanks Evan, I've now had more happy than crap xmasses

Please post your lighthearted stuff, I didn't want to put people off.

DH has evolved as present giver, the first few years were a bit underwhelming (think box of chocolates), but he really learned to put thought into it and is quite good now.

I always go overboard at Christmas with my DC's- probably to give them memories that I never had. Cleaning up foil and used needles after one of my egg-doner's latest 'parties' is not what a five year old should be doing at Christmas. She would also show us shop windows and other people's trees with presents underneath, telling us 'Look, that's what Santa brings to nice children, not little Bastards like you'.

We play games, eat shit, stay in pjs and argue over the last purple quality street. Bloody bliss!

My dad was an all year round but especially at Christmas misery. He hated it. Hated spending money and hated spending time with us. His made sure we all knew how miserable he felt, and how put out by the whole thing he was. He resented being expected to put his kids first at Christmas, and really enjoyed pissing on our festive chips...just so we understood it would always be about him and how he felt.
Horrible man. My mum finally kicked him out when I was 10. Christmas was great after that.

My ex used to have childish temper tantrums every single Christmas dinner. The morning would be spent demanding that we better have xyz the afternoon how it was not perfect (to big or to small tended to be the themes) he would drag it out for the entire day then he would sit and watch my kids open their gifts (average normal amounts spent) and with great pomp and ceremony hand his older children 1k in cash each that he had without fail always stolen from me and boast about how much he earnt (he was broke) then get pissed start taunting his sister about her experance of DV and how its ok to beat women before he passed out usually in the driveway.

He was like it at every event that was not about him.

My "mother" could always be counted on to ruin Xmas. I lived with my grandparents so mother and my sister,brother and step brother would come to us Xmas day. A feast would be prepared, presents galore, house decorated to the nines. "Mother" would then sit there all day long complaining about various things including how thirsty she was but not getting up to get a drink or even asking anyone to get her one, mentally calculating how much had been spent on each of us children and if golden boy (step brother) didn't have the most amount of gifts or money spent on him then all hell would break lose.

One year in particular step brother had a huge melt down, he was about 6, because he didn't get what he wanted so he stamped on everything he could get his hands and feet on including my gifts. Grandma slapped him and mother went into a rage about her laying hands on her precious child. Mother was normally more than happy to beat seven shades of shit out of me,sister and brother though. Every year there was always something wrong and an argument started.
Thankfully they weren't invited again on Xmas day.

Putthat I hear ya.

Oh these stories...some people are just awful aren't they?

I enjoy Christmas now, but when I was younger and after my parents divorced we would spend alternate years with each parent. Christmas with Mum was always lovely but at my Dads...

Dsis and I would have tiny piles of pound shop crap style presents to open which we were expected to be very grateful for, or else. Meanwhile step-siblings would open piles of lovely gifts which we had to admire or else.

Our 'D' stepmum never lost an opportunity to let us know our place and our 'D' Dad just didn't give two shits as long as he was catered for and comfortable.

Oooh where to begin , This thread is just what I need .

Growing up my Df made a point of ruining every Christmas by either waiting til the table was laden with food & then throwing the table across the room or waiting til we had opened our presents and then smashing them , I can't remember one good Christmas .

Now my Dm makes a point of ruining every birthday & Christmas and I can guarantee she does it on purpose , She forgets my birthday every year
At my Ds recent bday she went mad at me because he had gotten so much & it wasn't fair on my 9yo Db who had stormed off because it was unfair , It will be the same this Christmas I'll be the one bending over backwards doing Dinner and trying to keep everyone happy while she sits their sullen faced and making narky comments .
I dread Christmas every year & have had to tell my Ds I will take him shopping after Christmas so as not to cause any arguments about how much he gets .

Roll on January .

My dad always used to struggle with the pressure of people expecting things from him, and on Christmas there is an expectation of people being happy, having fun etc etc.
He couldn't take it and ruined so many Christmases by losing his temper.
Fil would sit and sigh 'well I suppose we should open the presents now ' which tells us what it was like there. And he wonders why we won't take the kids there for Christmas day!
My concern is that my kids will remember me not spending much time playing with them because I'm trying so hard to make things perfect for us all. This year I'm introducing twister and games so it should be fun.

I know it's nowhere near in the same league of dreadfulness as many of the stories on here, but I don't invite my parents to spend Christmas with us any more as they behave so badly & spoil things for everyone else. They pick arguments deliberately, complain about everything, criticise me & the DC and are generally a pain. My brother won't have them either, so they go away every Christmas thank god but I honestly don't think they realise why we won't have them.

ExH ad his family made out on social media he and my eldest were flying out to Tenerife on Xmas eve last yr, both turned off their phones and closed the blinds to their house, I was absolutely mortified! Eldest was seen walking round town on Xmas eve thankfully. Same again this year too, threats to take him away.

This thread has made me really tearful - I can't believe people can be so horrible!

I don't remember anything horrible about my own, I love Christmas and I just remember them filled with happiness. DH says his were ok when his dad was there - but he was in the army so when he was away his mum as very sad .

He says he loves them now though .

mypanda

you cant let this continue as a grown up you have to tell your mum she cant come on birthdays or xmas if she cant behave life is short!