to wonder if anyone on here has had their Christmas deliberately ruined by a spouse or family member who hates it.

[Darkesteyes]

Starting this thread has been prompted by a couple of threads ive read on here today.
Its galling how manipulative and sneaky some people can be just because they hate Christmas and dont enjoy it so they dont want anyone else to enjoy it either.
Dont get me wrong. I know it can be a stressful time and ive found it more stressful both last year and now but i would never take it out on anyone else or actively set out to stop someone else enjoying it. Has anyone experienced something like this?

I second the sentiment Bumbiscuits

Oh dear, these stories are sad.

For a bit of light relief I will own up to once ruining Christmas (this will probably out me).

My D Aunt had nearly 30 of us round for dinner in a 3 bed semi (large family and she's bonkers in a good way) so it was totally manic. I was trying to help out with the dinner and the ringer went off for the turkey to come out and she shouted through to me to get it out and put it on the side which I duly did. Covered it with tin foil and tea towels to keep it warm and thought it was all done so got on with laying the table in the back room.

Of course I'd completely forgotten about their rather large, VERY greedy dog who managed not only to get into the kitchen but up on to the work surface in the 3 minutes the kitchen was empty and had devoured the majority of the turkey by the time me and DAunt wandered back in.

Obviously there were still the sides and other types of meat and pigs in blankets (what with being about 30 of us) but I ended up having to go out to KFC to get extra food for us all and feeling incredibly guilty about everything! Luckily family are lovely and thought it was all rather funny and my poor Aunt forgave me instantly but it's still referred to as that time Callani made us eat KFC for Christmas.

How is he now at Xmas, spam? Better since being with you?

My abusive ex always managed to sour Xmas by being a controlling arsehole but he still didn't upset me as much as the ex who promised NOT to indulge in the family tradition of having a line of coke with his father and brother on Xmas Day and then went and did exactly that, right in front of me. When I asked him later what the fuck he'd been doing he said "I just told you what you wanted to hear to get you out of the house"
Because I hadn't wanted to go if you were going to take cocaine in front of me, you arsehole!

I must state that that my last three Christmases with DP and our family have been bloody lovely.

Couldn't agree more with the OP.

I get really fed up with the grumbling people do about consumerism and not wanting to just have a bit of bloomin' fun.

It's the same people who winge on about McDonalds being made from chicken lips and Amazon being the devil.

By all means do your own little protest about these things but don't expect everyone else to give up having fun just because you're a miserable old bastard.

My sister deliberately ruined the only Christmas we've spent together as adults. Not because she hates Christmas, it's me she can't stand.

She taunted me on Christmas morning about a present a close relative (to me) had bought me before they unexpectedly died a few weeks before Christmas - "Ha! I thought they were dead! How did they go shopping? Hahaha! Oh, is that all you get from beyond the grave? Hahaha!" And on it went, asking probing questions about the deceased, mocking them even though sister barely knew them, going on and on about something that was very painful for me.

What a jolly time we had

The thing is, you can be pissed off with the consumerism and still have a good Xmas!

We did one a couple of years ago where all the gifts between the adults had to be handmade or cost no more than £1, and it was hilarious. There were some really thoughtful gifts that had taken a lot of work but we also all gave some real crap just for fun.

I dont think that these people genuinely hate the consumerism, they just use it as a stick to beat people with. I wonder why they cant have fun? I am not talking about the abusive/attention seeking ones, but the ones who seem psychologically incapable of just kicking back and having a laugh.

Seems very odd to me and quite sad, I would hate to be like that.

bumbiscuits he's the complete opposite now! He's been whispering 'Christmas tree' at me since October! He's a nightmare! Every year he gets more excited I think, buys more Xmas paraphernalia, this week a load of Christmas mugs and placemats have appeared in my kitchen, he's crazing to watch Christmas movies, he 'sneaked' (or is it snuck? Snuck Sounds better but something tells me it's not a word... Idunno!) a whopping Turkey in the freezer, I can't open the blooming drawers now and he must have shoe horned it in.... Then a leg of lamb appeared... It's so funny, I've always been a massive Christmas fan but it's wonderful to see him coming from a Scrooge-ish person to seeing him like a child again! Can't wait for him to see his Christmas presents this year ( we don't buy for each other or set a £10 limit) and I got him some marvel stuff, a marvel satchel for work, marvel body washes and some smellies plus some choccies he's been nagging me for everytime he sees them! I can't wait to see his face when he sees he has pressies :) watching others open presents is so much more fun than opening your own :)

Yes, my mother who I now realise has narc traits.
My ds was 8 months old and it was his first Christmas. She came up the night before with my father and stayed the night. She woke up Christmas Day with a headache, moped around all morning and announced that they were going home just as dinner was being served. So they both left for the trip home that takes 1.5 hours on a good run...would you feel like a long journey if your head was so bad you couldn't eat!
That was 13 years ago this year, she hasn't been invited back since.

No apology ever given either.

Oh my ex and his family ruined xmas for me 5 years ago, when I was invited over to expil for dinner, found out that my ex was planning to bring his new girlfriend over, we had only been split for 4 months after he left me for another woman. It was total ambush so I threatened to take my DD home. Me and Ex had fight that day when I asked why he kissed me like 2 weeks before hand.

I have never been back their for dinner since then, DD can go, I wont.

My stepdad ruined all of my Christmasses as a child, and my mum let it happen.

One remarkable year we had loads of presents under the tree (unusual), and lots of relatives over the day before Christmas to admire the pile.

When we (sister, brother, myself) opened the presents it turned out that stepdad and mum had collected all the toys we had left lying around since November and wrapped them up as presents. I was 7 or 8.

I'll never forgive and forget the smug faces when they realised our disappointment.
I had anxieties over Christmas as a child - always full of shouting, controlling shit and emotional bullying - until I moved out, didn't return for Christmas ever and have had lovely relaxed and funny Christmasses with DH and my 3 dc ever since.
I love it.

My dad who was a moody bastard at the best of times could be reliably counted on to go into a massive, uncommunicative sulk each and every fucking Christmas. He would sit in the living room radiating misery and refusing to speak for days at a time - just to make sure we all knew how unhappy he was. Used to refuse to open his presents too.

He did/does suffer from depression - not that he'd admit it or seek help - and there is no doubt he found Christmas difficult but there was a huge element of calculation in ensuring that it was miserable for the rest of us as well.

As a result I'm determined to create 'perfect' Christmases for my own children, probably to an unhealthy degree.

Oh Vanille that gave me a horrible sick feeling, you poor poor thing

I used to love Christmas but was married to someone who always had to spoil it in some way. He would frequently stay in bed and not get up so I it ended up just me and DS opening presents. Or he would drink too much or moan about the presents I bought him. I once had a rant that went on for hours as I bought him a v-neck jumper which was apparently so old fashioned (er well they were but had started to become the 'in' thing again) and this showed just how little I knew him. I didnt know someone could rant for so long over a friggin jumper. Then the telling off as I bought him a phone. The more I read others posts the more I remember

My step dad has a form for this. He ends up getting in a rage and huffing off leaving everyone else feeling uncomfortable. Not just christmas though, he upset everyone at our wedding reception by doing this and being unforgivably rude to us.

My DM resents Christmas for usurping her birthday (27th) - which is fair enough on one level, but she then spoils Christmas Day for everyone else too by sulking, huffing then finally flouncing off a walk on her own, which - if we're lucky - lasts most of the afternoon. Mind you, she's a party pooper (DF's exact words, but then he's been happily enabling her behaviour for 40+ years so I'm not particularly sympathetic) at the best of times: Christmas far too commercialised, too much waste, more than one glass of wine at dinner = serious alcohol problem, etc etc. Then she wonders why I now live 200+ miles away, phone once a week and have engineered it so that DH and I have Christmas Day on our own...

I echo that there are some shockingly sad posts here.

I've been incredibly lucky that my folks have always made Christmas a special time for us, even back in the day when we lived 6 of us in a 2 bedroom council house after Dad was made redundant for the third time in as many years. We had nothing but it always felt like we had so much?

I have thankfully inherited my Mum's festive spirit and I love this time of year. OH could take it or leave but there is nothing untoward in his attitude - he just goes with the flow. He is happy if I am happy.

Super excited this year as DS will finally be old enough to have some understanding ok well he is still probably too young but who cares

The only upside of these shitty tales is how people have found the strength to leave and make things better! Hopefully anyone who is still stuck with a person that makes such a special time of year horrible for them and their kids will be posting in the future on a thread like this to say that they are finally able to enjoy the festive period.

Good luck wild willow! Christmas can be magical again xxx

STBXH excels himself every year in the ways he tries to ruin Christmas. He has refused to buy a tree when I was at home EBF with teeny newborn DC. He has turned his nose up at Christmas dinner, picked a few bits off the plate and then sat in front of the TV rather than at the lovely-decorated Christmas table.

He has pulled out of going for Christmas dinner literally as we were putting our coats on to go to the restaurant that I'd booked ages in advance and had cost a small fortune.

He has refused at last-minute on Christmas Eve to collect DC's presents from MIL's house where they were hiding (which would have meant DCs only had two little presents to open on Christmas morning).

He has thrown out all the decorations I collected over the years. He has put the replacement decorations into storage and then piled the entire contents of his friend's house in front of them so he could turn round at the last minute and say we couldn't get access to any of our decorations.

No idea what he will try this year. I'm so used to him that I just rope in other relatives to help and wave cheerily as myself and DCs set off to have a nice Christmas without him.

good luck wild willow, so many horrid twisted people out there and with DC too ...so fucking cruel and childish.

Yes I have some big babies in the family two men who kick off if they dont get enough attention I used to feel I had to have them round for xmas but now, NO...no no no no no.....fuck off...

vanille how shocking how awful, how can people be so cruel and nasty whats wrong with people .

And all those parents out there running round to buy presents, out of love and they are slammed and sneered at on here.....

so sad. No you dont need huge piles but why slam people for trying to make it special when there are people out there who would do that ^

Glad you can enjoy your xmas now though

Yes a relative of mine took great pleasure in ruining Christmas ebery single year - the food wasn't cooked properly, the gifts were awful, the sitting around with a face like a smacked arse all day, the rows. I had a weird love-hate relationship with Christmas when I was growing, was very nervous on the day itself and felt guilty and ashamed of every present I received. There was no joy at all but then tbh it was like that the other 364 days of the year too.

One of many reasons I am almost NC, we see my mum once a year and stepdad is dead.
My childhood was crap and it's taken extensive therapy to get to terms with the emotional and physical abuse and neglect.

I have always refused to let it spoil xmas for me though.
We have made our own traditions, see loads of friends and it is my favourite time of the year. It's always the 5 of us on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and it's fab.