to wonder if anyone on here has had their Christmas deliberately ruined by a spouse or family member who hates it.

[Darkesteyes]

Starting this thread has been prompted by a couple of threads ive read on here today.
Its galling how manipulative and sneaky some people can be just because they hate Christmas and dont enjoy it so they dont want anyone else to enjoy it either.
Dont get me wrong. I know it can be a stressful time and ive found it more stressful both last year and now but i would never take it out on anyone else or actively set out to stop someone else enjoying it. Has anyone experienced something like this?

My xh was a miserable bastard about Xmas because it involved him thinking about other people and possibly spending money on them.
If it had been at the beginning of the month he might have been less grumpy but by the middle of every month he'd wasted every penny and was scrabbling for cash.
So the week before Xmas involved him claiming he didn't believe in Xmas, he was staying home alone etc etc. God it was tedious.
We finally split in late November (years ago) and I had a riotous joy filled Xmas :)

Oh... And another close relative, who said to not understand the fuss of Christmas. He would disappear during the day, always arrived late (and drunk) for Christmas eve dinner, which meant we were always late to meet with other relatives.

So we were usually late, the food we and other people had prepared had been ruined by then, and then he used to spent the night picking at other people for not warming up to him.

My ex didn't believe in Christmas, end of. It was not part of his religious beliefs. Usually, he just went with the flow. But one year (our last, naturally) he decreed that it would not be celebrated in our house. I was forbidden from putting up a tree, decs, anything remotely having to do with Christmas. He was also vocal within the family about not believing in Christmas nor permitting any vestige of it in our house because he was not a 'hypocrit'. He was, however, still EXTREMELY shocked not to receive any gifts from me or my family. My father told him that they didn't want to 'offend' him by including him in any Christmas traditions. He sat there like a pouty three year old. Didn't have problem eating my mum's delicious Christmas dinner, though. And then leaving by himself in a huff. Wanker.

'hypocrite'!! FFS!

No but my parents deliberately ruined my 40th birthday party. They picked a fight with my sister then sat with long miserable faces for the evening and then left at 23.50 pm. I was going to be 40 in ten minutes and they couldn't stick around for it. Next morning my Mum cooked breakfast for everyone but me. Actually ON my birthday. I didn't even get asked if I wanted any.

Yes. One Christmas my DH watched me cooking the dinner and then declared he would just lie on the sofa with a piece of toast whilst our then only DC and I ate. I was beyond furious and told him so later.

I adore Christmas and made it clear we either celebrate properly or he leave. Many, many years later we are still together and he embraces it fully.

Gosh. Makes DH s complaining about the excess of it all and refusal to buy any gifts until xmas eve and only with a list seem insignificant

Me: chocolates please DH or a diary
DH: couldn't find it - got you a long shoe horn (admittedly useful as I struggle to bend)

Now I'm pleased with anything but why ask, then leave it to last minute?

He will do Christmas dinner with me, and Christmas Cd, and church. It's just the compulsory gift choosing, buying and giving bit he hates.

My dm's deeply unpleasant partner was a past master at ruining Christmas Day. They lived in a very rural part of N.Ireland and one of his classic tricks was watching her get the dinner well underway before "accidentally" letting the dogs out across the road and onto the bog. Since the dogs wouldn't come back to him dm would have to go out and track them down. She'd get back after an hour or so to find he'd "accidentally" turned the oven off. By the time she'd finally got dinner cooked it'd be "too late for me to eat that now".

I hate to speak ill of the dead but mercifully he died 15 years before her. They were some of the happiest years of her life - especially the Christmasses!

PS. And of course, he managed to ruin any chance of me spending Christmas with my dm too. Because she knew he'd play the goat and wouldn't allow me to come over and suffer the general nastiness. Bastard.

schadenfreude sorry but that made me laugh. That is taking humbuggery very seriously.

My x was an absolute twunt in the run up to xmas and usually ruined xmas, hogmanay. Everyone's birthday and all holidays. Nothing major just general tension, counting the value of all his presents and not liking them, arriving late, complaining about the food, finding fault, shouting...and general misery.

Now we just eat chips and cake in our pjs and do what we like. Much less stressful.

my husband ruined every one for 15 years.. i left him this year

Jesus saucy jack you really have had a crap load to deal with.

This is a bloody sad thread.

Not just Xmas but any event where the focus was not on her were ruined for years by SIL. It didnt matter what it was, it had to be about her and her alone, that included ruining events for her own young DD if the focus was waning. Births, deaths, marriages, milestone birthdays, divorces of people she barely knows.....you name it.

Needless to say we are NC.

Dh is far less into christmas than I am (and I'm not that far into it) in that he hates the commercialisation/gift buying etc. But we have a lovely time.

What amazes me as always reading this thread is how much shit people put up with - year after year. No wonder the wankers who deal it out get away with it.

My sister once revoked my family's invitation to christmas a couple of weeks before (the only one we would ever have spent with them because we live abroad - and we were traveling from away to visit them so the revoked invitation meant we had to scramble to figure out what to do for xmas). This was because we didn't do what she wanted in a decision we were making for our family (moving job and house). That was fine - well it wasn't but I got over it. But I will never ever plan to spend Christmas or any other holiday with her again as long as I live. And we are the only 2 of our family left. But she swiped me once and hurt me. why would I let her do it a second time?

Not quite the same as it was unintentional, but my OH very, very nearly ruined xmas for me forever when he was diagnosed with a horrible illness during advent one year.

Thankfully he's doing well now. By his own admission, if he'd managed to die he would have been a horribly selfish fucker. The upside is that Christmastime is a little extra special for our family now

When I was 18 and in my first year of university my parents had just split up and both got with new partners. I called my mum the day before I was due to come home only to be told she was leaving for a holiday in Scotland for the whole of the festive period with her partner so she wouldn't be able to see me or my siblings at Christmas at all. On Christmas Day (while mum was still away) my dad could only see us for an hour as he had a new family to spend Christmas with.

Ah. Deliberately ruined. Sorry for going soppy and ignoring point of thread, am blind

My mum did this every year and XH did it too, it makes it hard for me to see Christmas positively. Just me and DC this year, so hoping with some planning to get me through, it will be fine. I wish I enjoyed it, but it triggers dread, tbh.

Though bless her, I asked older DD if she wanted to have Christmas dinner with her dad as they do a big family do; and she said no, she wanted to stay with me and her brother. I said I honestly would not mind and I have asked her twice, but she is staying here. So I need to make a good effort

My ex ruined every special occasion for 13 years until the final straw of cancelling plans for us all to go to his family for Christmas, on Christmas Eve

I took the DC without him and he spent the day texting me, telling me he didn't know what I would find when I got home and it was probably best if the DC stayed with his mother

Left the bastard

My ex ruined Christmas every year by somehow having a "money crisis" every November which meant I had to pay absolutely every single bill, including his business bills until Christmas Eve, when his "money crisis" would be miraculously resolved and he would dispense me a couple of hundred pounds with great solemnity to let me run around like a mad thing buying turkey, trimmings, presents etc.

He insisted that only whole, fresh chestnuts were good enough to be used in stuffings and Brussels sprouts, I had to make my own cranberry sauce and garnishes. None of which I particularly mind, but with young children, full time job and only Christmas Eve to shop and do it all, it made Christmas something to be dreaded. He didn't hate Christmas, he just enjoyed the control freakery of seeing me so stressed and being able to tell everybody how unreasonable I was when I was in (frequent) tears over it.

I left the bastard.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year. I've bought proper, old fashioned decorations to hang on the ceiling with balloons, DH is shopping for family presents next weekend and we've been prepping the sauces and garnishes together for about a month. Changed, happier days.

My ex was always so bah humbug every Christmas. He'd bung me £20 to get myself something if I was lucky. He'd then spend the whole festive period getting drunk with his mates (including my twins birthday 2 days after the day). We lived with his mother. She'd spend the whole time moaning about how much the kids got bought (not much compared to their cousins) and how much it all cost. I spent the festive period on edge and miserable.

Nearly 5 years on, new partner - and every Christmas since has been great. Relaxed, fun and with plenty of silliness.

Was married for 19 years with 4 dc but gradually the power play control freakiness of ex meant that i began to dread Christmas...things like deciding at the last minute he didnt want my parents to come round to dinner, getting drunk and being really embarrassingly rude to my friends and relations, running me down, taking the mickey out of me as i tried to make everything magical and special for the kids (on a shoestring budget i add...) on one memorable occasion i ended up ON MY KNEES literally begging him not to throw a wobbly and ruin Christmas. Another year after planning a NYE party at ours it had to be cancelled at the last minute due to his hissy fits and i ended up taking the kids to the allotment, having a bonfire and letting off chinese lanterns. They happily remember it as fun but i was dying inside. I left him 2 years ago - am having Christmas in my own house for the first time this year but still have this worm of dread - I havnt enjoyed Christmas for so long - I have grown to associate it with dread, misery exhaustion and a trip to the divorce lawyer. Im really skeptical that it is possible to actually have a good time! Wish me luck ...

Romey and 18years - gosh yes - hear what you're saying so clearly.. but we mustnt let the past ruin the future - I have moved area, and made an effort to join numerous social clubs to meet new people and have 3 dc living with me that are all bright eyed about putting up decorations etc. Have also rashly invited my parents, plus brother his wife and their 2 dc plus random odd cousins and friends who would otherwise be on their own for Christmas dinner sooooo....... who knows.....(she said cautiously...) there is a teeny weeny possibility that it might not be quite so bad this year.....{smile}