To think Secret Santa for family Xmas is just cheap?

[kellyandthecat]

My SIL has suggested that we do Secret Santa for the family Christmas. There are usually about twenty people or so at family Christmas and it is their turn to host this year. I would like to get proper presents for my nieces and nephews, but now I feel like I have to go along with this Secret Santa or get in a fight with my SIL. She texted everyone and I feel like everyones agreed rather then deal with her! We do have more money than them & I feel like Christmas is the time for generosity and would like to buy my nieces and nephews at least proper presents anyway. My DC are older and dont really care as the presents from my SIL and her family are never very thoughtful or good anyway. AIBU to think she's come up with this just because she's cheap and can't be bothered? Could I get presents for the kids as well as my secret santa or would that cause a problem? I think the whole thing is naff and should be left for the office!

re the secret santa, it is not just about the money.It is about the time and effort involved in buying 20 odd presents.The commercialism and the finding of house room (or stomach space) for so many gifts

Yes, I think buying lots of gifts for adults and for the sake of it is tasteless and unnecessary, although I recognise that there are class/wealth issues with that position (if you've always had enough money you've never gone without so you don't want/need "treats" exactly) and I'll accept the "snob" label as a result.

YANBU to dislike your SIL, whatever your reasons. YABVU to reject her suggestion just because it was hers, and you've accepted that it isn't an automatically shitty suggestion.

I think it's a shame that the younger children won't have lots of presents, mind you. Which is why my original suggestion, as other pps before and since agreed, was to join in with adult SS for day itself, but treat the children and your mother separately if you want to.

Lifesalemon I accept that probably not and my issues with my SIL have a lot to do with this. I was making a flippant joke. Of course my DB's life isn't about me and I can get on with my SIL fairly well apart from at fraught family times like Christmas which she tends to make about herself. Her crazy behaviour (obviously nothing like this little annoyance that is Secret Santa) has alienated her from her own family so she tries to control ours. I have talked to one of my other siblings now and we are just going to deal with it & try and change the Secret Santa so everyone can work with it rather than cause a problem with the SIL

We did it last year- an excellent idea. It was fun and a big saving.

MrsHathaway thank you that is a reasonable compromise. I'm sure you are not a snob and sorry for biting your head off but it is something that I deal with a lot and have some 'issues' about so I need to work on that

Have I imagined all the threads on here in the past with posters laughing at all the awful tat they and their dc have been given?
I realise the op was quite harshly worded, but still!

I'm pleased you have calmed the fuck down now op, as others have suggested, treat your family another day maybe?

I'd have laughed at reindeer placemats for a 16 year old though...I mean come on who wouldn't have???

Maybe she has less money than you think so can't afford lots of presents. I would do the secret santa but buy what you want for your parents and who cares if that puts her nose out of joint. Its your money and your parents so you can do what you want.

We don't buy for adults at all. Why don't you suggest that for next year?

another example of the difficult family manoeuvrings of Xmas - I really wish there was a way to switch off the gift machine, and politics over which house one has lunch in on one day in December, and just do the season of goodwill/mulled wine/mince pies bit.

Personally I'd love to do secret santa for adults (with enough of a budget to get something good but not so much as to break the bank) and individual presents for children. I suggested it one year but couldn't close the deal.

I can see how you would want to do personal presents for your closest loved ones, but perhaps the nicest approach for everyone this year would be to go along with it all with goodwill on the day, and get individual things for special folk (your mother qualifies but I'd think twice about your DNs given family politics) to be exchanged on separate occasions.

We do this. Rather than getting 6 lots of £10 tat we each but 1 decent present C £40. It is fab. You write a list of 4 things you would like and someone get them. No Boots I couldnt give a dam about you and got this because it was on 3 for 2 crap- wonderful. No recycled gifts.

Brilliant idea. Maybe one day someone will suggest this in my family

Kellyandthecat, to be fair, I'd be annoyed if somebody effectively told me I wasn't allowed to buy for my mum! Hope you can sort something out.

I personally buy Xmas presents for the people I choose to buy them for, I've no interest at all in buying them for an extended family where I have virtually no feelings for many of them. So I would not participate in a secret Santa and I would only buy presents for the individuals I had any dealings with. If that makes me a bad person so be it!

You dont have to wait until Christmas to buy your mother a present.

I am going to suggest secret Santa for the adults for next year. I have 5 siblings, each has a partner, many adult nieces and nephews. It is ridiculous!
I will suggest we buy for under 18s and pick one or two others to buy for. Niece's and nephew's parents don't get to pick them. Possibly no set budget (one of my sisters makes stuff and it is cheapish but really lovely).
I just hope they go for it.

No it isn't and you are by