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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel awkward in my own home?

107 replies

lem73 · 29/11/2014 13:05

My pils live abroad and visit two or three times a year. I don't want to go on and on about them because I appreciate relationships with in laws are not easy. However what I object to is the way they monopolise my dh and make me feel left out when they visit. When we're sitting in the living room or at dinner they will sit very closely to dh and either talk in a low voice so I can't hear or talk about stuff I couldn't possibly know about so I can't participate in the conversation. However what really drives me mad is that they actually spend most of the time in their bedroom and dh will go up and sit with them and they will often ask the kids to join them. This means I am sitting downstairs on my own a lot of the time when I'm not busy cooking or cleaning after them. I'm not sure if they sit upstairs to deliberately leave me out but the end result is I feel like a spare chair in my own house. Right now I'm sitting here alone while the kids are out and dh is upstairs with his parents. I'm fed up with it. They do make me feel like they're hear to see him not me. I get they miss their son but this is my home too! Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 29/11/2014 13:09

It does sound rude...especially the bedroom thing! Have you spoken to DH about it? That's where you need to begin...he should not facilitate this...the whole family going upstairs!?

Theselittlelightsofmine · 29/11/2014 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MellowAutumn · 29/11/2014 13:13

Go in the room and say ' ohh this is cisy - what are we talking about ?' - passive agressive with huge smile is your weapon of choice here.

Nomama · 29/11/2014 13:13

Tell your DH that you are absolutely floored by how he is acting. Excluding you form 'his family' like that!

If his parents have a problem with you he should be man enough to explain it to you so you can both work through it.

Calling the kids up to their room? Ridiculous. Tell him and work out what you can both do to make this work for you both.

MellowAutumn · 29/11/2014 13:13

Cosy !!!

ThursdayLast · 29/11/2014 13:14

Yes I agree - DH needs to recognise his role in this and help you sort it out.

And as an aside I'd be going out right now and making myself unavailable for the rest of the day. Go catch up with a friend, or grab a coffe and read your book in peace somewhere.

patienceisvirtuous · 29/11/2014 13:18

Go and lie on the bed next to them and say "DH or MIL, go and make us all a nice cup of tea", followed by 'this is cosy'.

Purplepoodle · 29/11/2014 13:20

Leave them to it. Go out, stick tv and watch fav programme

Thurlow · 29/11/2014 13:20

Eh? It's one thing for parents to want a bit of time alone to catch up with their child but... what does your DH say about this? Does he think this is ok?

MellowAutumn · 29/11/2014 13:20

Or even better make them/you tea and bring it all on a try for you all with some sandwiches :)

MellowAutumn · 29/11/2014 13:22

I would not go out or act like you dont care - they need to understand how the behaviour is unacceptable -

ChickyEgg · 29/11/2014 13:23

You're not being over sensitive at all but I'd go up and ask 'why do you all hide up here?' It really needs to be broached and not carry on like this.

CromerSutra · 29/11/2014 13:24

That's so rude of them! I would speak to your DH about it. That's horrible.

Nanny0gg · 29/11/2014 13:24

The problem is your DH. He absolutely should not be facilitating this behaviour. If it carries on, find them the number of a B&B.

Thumbwitch · 29/11/2014 13:24

I'm actually outraged on your behalf, but with your DH more than his parents! How VERY fucking rude!

Thumbwitch · 29/11/2014 13:25

Sorry, so outraged, I need to post more.
I'd find the number of a hotel all right, and piss off there myself - have a nice break from the lot of them! IF they want to treat you like staff, then have a staff holiday and leave them to sort themselves out. Because frankly, that's what it sounds like they're doing.

grumpyoldgitagain · 29/11/2014 13:26

I would stick some ac/dc or similar on the stereo very loud so they can't hear themselves in there room upstairs and when they come down to grumble just say oh sorry thought I was in the house alone, because that's what it feels like when you go for your cosy little chats and ignore me and leave me out

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 29/11/2014 13:27

A simple head round corner and "is something the matter?" Will shake them up

What a set of oddballs

LucilleBluth · 29/11/2014 13:27

I usually hate the PIL bashing on here but my god op YANBU, they do sound mad and rude.

makeitabetterplace · 29/11/2014 13:27

I'd take full advantage, leave the children at home and go and spend the weekend with some friends somewhere.

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 29/11/2014 13:30

I know how you feel- my PILs go the extra mile and only speak in their native tongue Hmm

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 29/11/2014 13:31

Also do the bedroom thing. Its weird

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 29/11/2014 13:32

It shouldn't be your pils your pissed off at.

Your annoyance should be squarely aimed at your husband.

I am always gobsmacked at these kinds of threads. Why don't you talk to your husband. Explain that this is bloody rude and that you are upset. If your pils went to sit in their room, that's their business, but your DH to join them...well, that's appalling.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 29/11/2014 13:33

A simple head round corner and "is something the matter?" Will shake them up

No chance. You are a rational person apply rational logic to the situation.

These pils are quite obviously fruit loops. And rude ones at that.

notagainffffffffs · 29/11/2014 13:34

What? ?take yourself out for coffee and a cake and leave them to it