About 'girls' parties and 'boys' parties?

[LahLahsbigband]

My DS is six, and in his first year at school. There have been lots of birthday parties throughout the year, including his. I asked who he played with and we got together a mixed group of boys and girls for his party and it went very well.

As is to be expected, friendships have been very fluid over the year, but by and large it's a lovely group of kids and they all play together pretty nicely. On Friday one little girl, who I know my son plays with quite a lot, was handing out pink invitations to all the girls (in front of everyone) and said "its not for boys, it's a girls party". AIBU to be annoyed at this stupid boys versus girls thing, at this young age?

OK, his mother can invite whoever she wants and no one is owed an invitation - fine. I don't feel that it's necessary to ask a whole class (there are 24 in the class), and my son isn't put out about not going - this sort of thing tends to wash over him and quite frankly I am glad I don't have to schlep to yet ANOTHER party on my weekend with a gift.

It's just this stupid "boys"/"girls" apartheid that grinds my gears. They're SIX. My sons have been brought up with friends of both genders and sure, they may be areas where their interests don't overlap but every kid likes a party, and when he's been to very typically 'girly' parties (eg with a fairy princess entertainer) he still got into it and had fun, just as I imagine a little girl would enjoy running about at a "sports" party designed for little football fans (just an example of an all "boys" party we were invited to this year). I just think it's so sad at this age, and really annoys me when parents encourage it. Why not just invite the friends that you play with, whatever gender they are?

How is he being excluded from doing things he likes on the basis of his genitals, hiccup??
If a 6 year old girl decided she only wanted other girls at her party, the fact that a boy would or would not have liked to join in is completely irrelevant.
He wasn't excluded, he simply wasn't invited.
Not directly related; but I had a mum harangue me at the school gates for not inviting her ds round for a play date, because he apparently felt left out. I'd invited 4 friends of ds2 (out of a pool of 15 boys), and her son wasn't a friend of my ds anyway
Are you one of those mums??

It is the way things are. I would feel confident that I could bet you £100 that I could go into a year 4 class in any primary school in UK and ask them to choose a partner in PE and 90% or above will choose one of the same gender. It may depress you, but it is a normal development stage-always has been and always will be- despite attempts at social engineering.

I think a parent whose DC says they want an all boy/all girl party when they play with lots of boys and girls ought to be pointing out, in age appropriate language, that they are falling for a gendered view of the world that is already cutting them off from people they like. Obviously you don't say it like that, but more along the lines of "You want a party Peter can't come to?" and "How would you feel if Peter had a party he said you weren't welcome at?" (assuming Peter to be a best friend of the opposite sex).

YANBU, I find it sad at this age, if you don't want to invite the whole class then just pick their friends, regardless of whether they're girls or boys. DS is in reception and has been to a few whole class parties since starting school, but no boys only ones, although there have been several girls only parties. One mother said she only ever does girls only parties because she wants them to be civilised!

I think it is really unfair to manipulate things the way you want them by making a simple party a guilt trip.
The girl hasn't got a problem-she still plays with Peter-it is only a few hours where she has chosen girls.
If Peter want to have a party without her that is up to Peter-it doesn't cut off the friendship!

YANBU it bugs me too. Luckily DS has girl and boy friends and we always invite a mix. Same with my 4 older ones. We never did 'girly' and 'boyish' either, just fun stuff

DS had an all boy party last year( 8th birthday).

Primarily it's a numbers game - there are 24 overall in his class, plus they mixed them up after nursery so he has quite a few other friends that aren't in his class. Can't invite everyone and I'd rather do a flat going for all boys, rather than exclude some of the boys. Plus he doesn't mention any girls that he plays with or wants to invite.

So YABU.

I think it's reasonable - I usually have the whole class but this year I had a reptile party for my son and the max allowed was 20 kids, rather than pick and choose and have some kids disappointed that they weren't on 'the list' it's easier to just invite all of the boys. That way it's not personal if they're not invited, it's not that they weren't 'chosen' and the kids accept it. I think you're being over sensitive.

Oh, and btw I have 4 children and have had many parties for boys, girls and mixed and girl-only ones are much much much easier!

Mehita, parties are central to their universe at this age so I think you're wrong, I think it does change the friendship. In any case, the point is it's fine to exclude Peter if you would prefer Anna to come, but not purely on the basis he was born with a penis.

Parents get to choose their children's friends up to school, they continue in reception and year 1- and sometimes year 2. After that children choose their own- it comes hard to some parents, but it is the way it is.

We do all the boys plus a couple of girls who DS really likes. 3 girls out of 12 gives lots of room for the others not to be offended. It was a Laser Quest party this year. All enjoyed themselves.

It is an easy way to cut numbers diplomatically, that's all.

people really overthink the whole party invitation thing on here

boys/girls only is generally shorthand for

"we can't have everyone and getting small kids to chose favourites is a political minefield so we've just chosen an arbitrary criteria in the hope of offending as few people as possible because someone ALWAYS gets the hump"

My 5 year old adores his big sister and her firiends but looked at me like I was insane when I asked him if he wanted to invite any girls to his Ninja Birthday party!!
No matter what you do generally speaking the boys play with the boys and the girls play with the girls.

Yackity, tree climbing a boys activity??? really??? I'm guessing you mean high ropes? We've had 3 high ropes parties, 2 for ds1 and one for ds2. Both mixed parties, all the girls as keen as the boys. We've also had a climbing wall party as ds1 is a member if a climbing club and again, all the girls equally as keen. His Saturday morning climbing club is a good mix too! We all do high ropes at Center Parcs too and that's never just boys either.

I get the whole thing about lots of boys not being interested in a pamper pink party thingy but climbing or high ropes being a boy thing I've never heard. My dd is also an avid climber!

Lots of comments here ignoring what I've been saying. The mother was very clear that the party was on gendered lines because "they don't have room" for the whole class. Personally, I think it's thoughtless and a bit lazy to just say it's "too hard" to "pick favourites", so just go along gendered lines. By being "sensitive" and not leaving out all the girls for eg, she is leaving out boys that her daughter IS friends with. So that's not sensitive, it's lazy.

I can also say hand on heart, that I have had zero to do with my DS's choice of friends for at least the past 3 years. From the age of three he gravitated to particular kids at preschool and now at school without the slightest input from me, of both genders. We talk regularly about what he did in his day and he volunteers names of both genders.

People who say this is 'natural' behaviour at this age are ignoring the huge part parental and societal 'nurture' play is it. It is sexism, and it runs both ways.

I bet he is still under 7 yrs LahLah

He is, as I said in my OP.

Gertrude nailed it.

I should also point out that I am not offended that he wasn't invited, in the sense that that's life and for him to learn resilience, he has to be able to navigate the fact that world throws this sort of random stupidity our way all the time, and the way you choose to react to it will determine your happiness in life. Thankfully he's not upset (and I am glad I don't have to spend more of my precious weekend time at yet another party, buy another sodding present at this busy time of the year etc etc etc).

It's the fact that from early on, people who should know better are reinforcing ideas that some things are for boys and some things are for girls. It's a birthday party FFS, not childbirth. For 95% of the world's females, things are massively unfair, and surely we can help redress that unfairness with our own children, by letting boys know that precluding people from some things just because they are of a particular gender, is the normal state of the world. Ditto with their sisters.

Anyway, the are enough people on this thread agreeing with me for me to conclude that I am, in fact, NBU gavel

Should NOT be the normal state of the world! ugh!!

Well I see your point yes they are only six but if its a sleepover and the hole house glittered in pink and decorating nails and playing girlish party games I don't really think your son wants to go from his point of view to a pink battlefield of Pinkerland

My daughter has asked for girls only parties from age 7 on. At her sixth birthday party the boy spent the time wrestling in the soft play area, really roughly and it ruined it for her.