About 'girls' parties and 'boys' parties?

[LahLahsbigband]

My DS is six, and in his first year at school. There have been lots of birthday parties throughout the year, including his. I asked who he played with and we got together a mixed group of boys and girls for his party and it went very well.

As is to be expected, friendships have been very fluid over the year, but by and large it's a lovely group of kids and they all play together pretty nicely. On Friday one little girl, who I know my son plays with quite a lot, was handing out pink invitations to all the girls (in front of everyone) and said "its not for boys, it's a girls party". AIBU to be annoyed at this stupid boys versus girls thing, at this young age?

OK, his mother can invite whoever she wants and no one is owed an invitation - fine. I don't feel that it's necessary to ask a whole class (there are 24 in the class), and my son isn't put out about not going - this sort of thing tends to wash over him and quite frankly I am glad I don't have to schlep to yet ANOTHER party on my weekend with a gift.

It's just this stupid "boys"/"girls" apartheid that grinds my gears. They're SIX. My sons have been brought up with friends of both genders and sure, they may be areas where their interests don't overlap but every kid likes a party, and when he's been to very typically 'girly' parties (eg with a fairy princess entertainer) he still got into it and had fun, just as I imagine a little girl would enjoy running about at a "sports" party designed for little football fans (just an example of an all "boys" party we were invited to this year). I just think it's so sad at this age, and really annoys me when parents encourage it. Why not just invite the friends that you play with, whatever gender they are?

YANBU. This happened to my DD in year 1! One of her best mates was a boy and his party was a "Boy's Football Party"

DD could not understand why it had to be boys only when all the girls she knows also like football.

to make matters worse his Mother spoke to the teacher to ask that he be discouraged from playing with girls.

He's now almost friendless! He's 6!

He's not a rough and tumble type and liked his gang of girls. :(

OK, his mother can invite whoever she wants and no one is owed an invitation

Maybe for once the Mother didn't invite anyone and actually left it up to the child, to choose who she wants to attend?

I would expect so WooraLiberty. Mine had my choice when little - once they were at school they had their own choice without me nudging or promptings. It is normal child development. Go into any school PE lesson and watch who they go for when asked to choose a partner.

Sorry - WorraLiberty.

It seems like there are lots more parents with issues here than kids. Just let them choose whoever they want without some mass outrage. Adults have single sex get togethers all the time so why can't children.

It is the natural order of things- play together until about 5/6/7 and then prefer own sex- discover the opposite sex again later.
I had brothers. I wanted girls only parties when I was 6 yrs. I can't see the point in my mother getting upset about it. I have sons- they chose boy only parties.

Some parents want too much control- over the child's friendships and what the child should think!

I do boys or girls only when they are small only simply because I can't afford whole class parties and it sorts the guess list in a way that small children (and their parents!) understand without feeling upset or left out.

Some children (not my DC admittedly) are very fragile when it comes to invitations and I feel for them and try and spare feelings where I can. With limiting numbers its often the same children that get overlooked again and again and at least if there's a few all boys/girls parties some children get an invite which might not otherwise.

But I have 1 ds and 2 dds. Right through Primary, all 3 of them chose wno they wanted to invite to birthdays (or, come to that, round to play) and all 3 of them has had friends of both sexes throughout that time.
The "girls play with girls" or "boys only invite boys" thing isnt nature, its nurture. The younger the child, the more of that 'nurture' influence has to be from the home.

It's just a way of cutting down on numbers, FFS.

We've never done it though as DDs have always had friends of the opposite sex.

Adults have single sex get togethers all the time so why can't children

Quite.

Aren't parties usually based on what the birthday child wants? . I'd be very surprised if the child in question had a pink party (or indeed, a suggested guest list) foisted on her against her will.
She'll be celebrating her birthday exactly as she wants to, and if a boy gets his feeling hurt in the process it's not really her responsibility.

If they want boys fine, if they want girls fine, if they want a mix of girls and boys fine. What isn't fine is the adults trying to influence what they want.
The best you can do is make your child resilient. If they are not invited because they are a boy then help them over it- don't expect the birthday girl to change it.
I don't care if it is nature or nurture, when I was at primary school my friends were girls, any amount of nurture to make me different would not have changed it! All my close friends now are women.

YANBU - my DS has mostly friends who are girls at school - yr 2 / aged 7. Suddenly this year all the parties are girls or boys and he's not going to any :-( so much of this gender stuff is created / perpetuated by parents!

The gender stuff isn't parents. It is who you feel comfortable with. My women friends have always been important to me, right back as long as I can remember. Just leave it to the child. No one is stopping friendships. I hated parties anyway when I was that age.

I think it's really sad when DCs pick up this message that some things are just 'not for them'. I'm lucky that my DD gets invited to lots of boys' parties (sometimes she's the only girl) and has invited two boys as well as 6 girls to her birthday tea party, which is going to be Ever After High themed (a bit like Monster High) but as they are her friends I hope they will enjoy it too.

I think a lot of the time it may be laziness on the parents' part, as I've had to choose gifts for the pass the parcel which are unisex and try to come up with games and crafts which are suitable for both boys and girls. It would have been easier to go with stereotypical girly stuff but it's actually made me think about the sort of things I would have ordinarily picked up to put in party bags etc and I'm happy that it has stopped me going down the pink fluffy stuff and sparkly lip balm route.

I think it is parents a lot of the time.

As I remember, this segregation based on gender is pretty common at that age.

Also, maybe the parents just invited who the child wanted. I had planned a whole class party for DD, but she told me that she only wants girls there and said that boys are too noisy. We did talk about this, but at the end of the day I'm going to et her choose her own guests.

It isn't parents. I have taught literally hundreds of children over 40 years and they choose friends of the same sex from about 6yr until they are teenagers (generally). I took Beavers out only a few months ago. The girls gravitated together and were chatter, chatter, chatter the whole time-their group did not include the boys.
Are you saying that women can't choose close girl friends? Are boys/girls-men/women supposed to be exactly the same?
I have close girl friends-always have. This is despite living in almost totally male households all my life.
It is the parents who want to interfere and dictate who they should be friends with and who they should invite to parties. I didn't want boys at my parties when I was 8 yrs old-any amount of my mother telling me it was 'social conditioning' and I shouldn't feel that wouldn't have changed it! I am going out with girl friends next week-we are particularly looking forward to it. It is very different to a mixed group.
My sons had all boy parties when they had the choice -am I supposed to tell them this is wrong-their mother says it is social conditioning and not allowed? They could have 8 children-the rest was up to them.

As I remember, this segregation based on gender is pretty common at that age

And a perfectly normal stage they go through.

DS1's best friend was a girl when he was 5yrs old. Things are not set in stone-they moved on to other friends. Until that time they went to each other's houses and parties.Friendships are not static.

YANBU - as a parent of nearly 5 yr old DS who loves playing with both boys and girls and is heavily into Frozen, it is so depressing to watch him come to the realisation that he is being excluded from things he likes doing on the basis of his genitals. For his upcoming birthday he has chosen a mix of boys and girls based on who he likes playing with.

But I don't get the need to have female or make only nights out as an adult so maybe it's just me. The only time I would go to female only invite would be for something like a spa trip and tbh if some men I knew wanted to some along too then it really wouldn't bother me.

All choice hiccupgirl. I like women only outings-other don't-some don't mind either way.
None are wrong.
What are wrong are other people imposing that they think is right.
sThe child has the birthday, the child has the party-the child chooses the guest-hopefully without the parent telling them what they must think and who they must choose as friends!
Some parents want to control every aspect of their child's life and their environment. I am not my mother-she can't know what I should want.

The 's' should have been on guest-not in front of The!