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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to the NYE party with my baby.

74 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 26/11/2014 15:21

One of mine and DH's friends is hosting a big party at his house for NY. He has a beautiful big house with a huge garden and he is going 'all out' to provide the ultimate NYE party, including a DJ and fireworks.

When I last spoke to him the guest list was nearing 40 but I know it has grown since then as was talking about which of his colleagues he'd potentially be inviting.

Anyway, me and DH have obviously been invited but at the time of the party our DS will have only just turned 9 months old.

In my mind going to the party wasn't an option for me (due to DS) but I obviously have no problem with DH going.

However, DH has told me that we should go, take a travel cot, put it in a room upstairs and just leave DS in there to sleep Hmm

For various reasons this does not appeal to me because:

A) I would have to delay his bedtime until we got to the party and then feed him there straight away and try to settle him with all the noise going on in a strange environment. I'd probably be sat upstairs with him for hours and miss the party anyway.

B) If by some miracle he does go to sleep which he won't- then we'd have to wake him again when we want to go back home and no doubt have an annoyed and screaming baby on our hands for hours.

C) He's BF and still waking during the night so even if he does go to sleep which he won't I will be on edge all night just waiting for him to wake up again. And once he does I'm back at Square One (see point A)

D) I probably won't know about 50% of the guests and so I really don't feel comfortable about leaving DS in a room upstairs in a house full of strangers who will be drinking.

E) I would have to take baby monitors with me and all night I would have to sit in a quiet corner with one glued to my ear to make sure I could hear DS if he stirred. Sounds like a fun way to spend my night Grin

There is absolutely no way I will be able to relax and just enjoy the party as my mind would completely be on DS and his safety and worrying about the loud music and drunk people scaring him whilst he lies crying in a strange noisy environment wondering where his mom is Confused

Am I being PFB?

DH has said he won't go if I don't. How can he seriously thinks it's as simple as shove DS in a travel cot whilst we go downstairs and enjoy the party?!

I think he thinks that I'm being anti social but not one part of me wants to go because of the reasons above.

AIBU to just say no?
I reckon DH will just think I'm being a Party Pooper Hmm

OP posts:
WD41 · 26/11/2014 15:25

Yanbu

I don't think a raucous party with DJ, fireworks and dozens of strangers is a suitable environment for a baby

We used to take DD out, keep her up late etc when a baby but I wouldn't have gone to what you're describing.

MimiSunshine · 26/11/2014 15:26

You don't want to go so don't. You don't need to get into a whole list of reasons and if your DH says he wont go without you then that's his choice.

You are both free to make your own choices and one person shouldn't guilt the other person into doing something.

The alternative is to tell your DH that if he thinks all of the above wont be a problem then he can be responsible for it all and just locate you when milk is need, you will then locate him and hand baby back to be settled. Smile

outtahell · 26/11/2014 15:27

YANBU, what's the point of you dragging your DS out just so you can both be miserable? Do you express at all? If so, tell DH you'll go if he's on feeds and baby monitor duty so you can have some time off- bet he figures he'll be getting pissed and having a laugh while you handle it all!

gamerchick · 26/11/2014 15:29

Don't do it because if he doesn't settle you'll know it'll be you doing the looking after him while your bloke does the social butterfly thing. Much better to stay home where it's comfortable.

Stuck to your guns.

PrincessOfChina · 26/11/2014 15:29

If you don't want to go, don't go.

I would have gone though, and did to similar events.

fishfingerSarnies · 26/11/2014 15:29

Yanbu sounds like not much fun for you. Explain it all to dh like in your op surely he will understand.

yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 26/11/2014 15:29

I would say I'm not going, it would be extremely stressful and unnecessary for me. Babies are only small for a very short amount of times, there will always be parties.

WelliBeDamned · 26/11/2014 15:30

Just because you have a kid doesn't mean you can't have a social life. How about expressing some milk and leaving him with your mum/MIL/SIL or a babysitter and go with your husband?

yellowdinosauragain · 26/11/2014 15:30

If you don't want to go any of your reasons are good enough.

However you may be surprised and your ds may well settle. Especially if you ask your friend if it would be ok to arrive a bit early to settle your ds at his usual bedtime before it gets too noisy.

Ds1 was a terrible sleeper and once we found a routine that worked we were really reluctant to change it. However on glossary we were persuaded by friends to try and take him out for the evening in the pram and although he didn't sleep well he was happy and amiable and it didn't affect him otherwise. I was really glad we'd done this as it was really nice to be able to take him out occasionally after that. Could you try taking him to a friends / family for dinner one evening before this party and settle him in the travel cot and see if it works? If it doesn't your dh will see why you don't wag to go but if it does then you might be able to relax and enjoy the party.

As I said before, you have plenty of valid reasons not to want to go. But it might actually be better than you think.

Beatrixemerald · 26/11/2014 15:32

Nope I wouldn't go. Dd will be 6 months at ny also ebf which makes it more tricky. When pregnant I had planned for my parents to have her overnight for ny for our first night away but have totally resigned myself to staying in now!

ftmsoon · 26/11/2014 15:32

We had invites from friends to Guy Fawkes parties with same 'just bring a travel cot' attitude. I declined both for the same reasons you listed. DH could have gone but he chose to stay at home with me.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/11/2014 15:36

Don't go if you don't want to - just because there are ways to party while being the parent of a baby doesn't mean you are obliged to go to big, loud drunken bashes against your will and to your considerable inconvenience just to prove somebody else's point.

yellowdinosauragain · 26/11/2014 15:38

Glossary should be holiday thanks dyac....

Umbrelladilemma · 26/11/2014 15:39

I'm with Princess of China - don't go if you don't want to, but it is perfectly do-able.

At that age I'd have taken the baby in a pram/pushchair and rocked him off to sleep in that as mine settled easier in that than in a travel cot.

But the best option would surely be a babysitter?

BauerTime · 26/11/2014 15:39

writer please don't take this the wrong way, but I remember a few of your other threads and you do like to make a drama out of things!

If you don't think that you would feel DS was safe sleeping in one of the bedrooms, or that you wouldn't be able to enjoy yourself if you were to go and take him with you, then don't go!

FWIW we spent DS's first NYE (4mo) at my parents and went home at 12:15am because anything else seemed like too much hassle. This NYE we are staying home because I cant see the point of taking a 16mo to a party and I know we wont be able to get a babysitter either.

furcoatbigknickers · 26/11/2014 15:40

Get a sitter or take baby and let him party as done by my then 13 month old last year

5ChildrenAndIt · 26/11/2014 15:43

Take him in a sling.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 26/11/2014 15:44

Thanks everyone, I was worried I was being 'boring' by not wanting to go.

A previous poster mentioned expressing but DS has never had a bottle so that isn't an option. There isn't really anyone I could leave him with anyway.

Maybe I would feel differently if it was a smaller party and I knew everyone there but point D is the main factor in my eyes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 26/11/2014 15:45

The sling is a good idea actually, I hadn't considered that.

OP posts:
ChatEnOeuf · 26/11/2014 15:48

It is do-able, but it's your decision and your DH should respect your reasons.

We took DD to parties at a similar age (and all through her life to be honest) and rather than a travel cot, she's stayed up with us, fed on demand and been in a sling on me at parties. She's never slept well in a cot, travel or otherwise, but happily sleeps in arms. Not anywhere too noisy mind, but there's usually a quiet crowd chatting and drinking somewhere.

Saying that, we've never been a family for strict bedtimes, routines and the like.

ChatEnOeuf · 26/11/2014 15:50

DD's first NYE (4m) she came to the pub with us and got kicked out at 9pm, as there are no children allowed after 8pm. We all then went back to our house, where due to feeding commitments, we 'froze time' (pressed pause on the telly) so I could see in the new year once she was done Grin

lornathewizzard · 26/11/2014 15:52

The point here OP is that all babies (and parents) are different. Some will settle wonderfully and not be an issue. Other parents might give it a go and come home if there was a problem. Only you know your DC, if you aren't comfortable then don't go.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 26/11/2014 15:55

The problem is that I'm probably very highly strung compared to my very easy going husband. When faced with a scenario I can spot lots of potential problems and issues whereas he will see none Grin

Like bauer said, my life can seem like such a drama to me sometimes and I can never tell if it needs to be or not. I can't tell if IABU and being previous about DS's sleep and safety, or whether I genuinely have legitimate concerns Confused

OP posts:
ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 26/11/2014 16:00

YANBU. My DC are ten and six and looking back I went to TOO MANY events like this! I was pressured a lot of the time and didn't enjoy them.

Don't go.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/11/2014 16:08

I'd go just about if I was being offered a bed for the night and could take myself off and head to bed once 12pm was out of the window.

The problem about NYE is that everyone expects you to stick around until the wee hours which with a small baby is just a total faff.

Is DH expecting/assuming that you will be the one to drive home by any chance?
Is he going to be up for the overnight feeds/take over first thing once the first am feed is out of the way given that you will spend half the night resettling a baby woken up in the wee hours.

There'll be other new years eve's. By all means go, but have the means and the transport to take yourself and the baby home when you want to go if you cannot be given a bed for the night.