To not want to go to the NYE party with my baby.

[Writerwannabe83]

One of mine and DH's friends is hosting a big party at his house for NY. He has a beautiful big house with a huge garden and he is going 'all out' to provide the ultimate NYE party, including a DJ and fireworks.

When I last spoke to him the guest list was nearing 40 but I know it has grown since then as was talking about which of his colleagues he'd potentially be inviting.

Anyway, me and DH have obviously been invited but at the time of the party our DS will have only just turned 9 months old.

In my mind going to the party wasn't an option for me (due to DS) but I obviously have no problem with DH going.

However, DH has told me that we should go, take a travel cot, put it in a room upstairs and just leave DS in there to sleep

For various reasons this does not appeal to me because:

A) I would have to delay his bedtime until we got to the party and then feed him there straight away and try to settle him with all the noise going on in a strange environment. I'd probably be sat upstairs with him for hours and miss the party anyway.

B) If by some miracle he does go to sleep which he won't- then we'd have to wake him again when we want to go back home and no doubt have an annoyed and screaming baby on our hands for hours.

C) He's BF and still waking during the night so even if he does go to sleep which he won't I will be on edge all night just waiting for him to wake up again. And once he does I'm back at Square One (see point A)

D) I probably won't know about 50% of the guests and so I really don't feel comfortable about leaving DS in a room upstairs in a house full of strangers who will be drinking.

E) I would have to take baby monitors with me and all night I would have to sit in a quiet corner with one glued to my ear to make sure I could hear DS if he stirred. Sounds like a fun way to spend my night

There is absolutely no way I will be able to relax and just enjoy the party as my mind would completely be on DS and his safety and worrying about the loud music and drunk people scaring him whilst he lies crying in a strange noisy environment wondering where his mom is

Am I being PFB?

DH has said he won't go if I don't. How can he seriously thinks it's as simple as shove DS in a travel cot whilst we go downstairs and enjoy the party?!

I think he thinks that I'm being anti social but not one part of me wants to go because of the reasons above.

AIBU to just say no?
I reckon DH will just think I'm being a Party Pooper

Go to the party & relax & enjoy yourself whilst DC is in a sling. They can sleep when they want, cuddled up to you.

My DD's are 7 (tomorrow!) & just 8 & parties were so much easier when they were 9mo old! :)

If it doesn't sound like fun, don't do it, but if you would like to socialise a bit, give it a go - just make sure DH keeps you company if ds insists you spend a lot of time in the bedroom. I had a lovely NYE with a few hours of chatting interspersed with a couple feeds, and MrNC and I shared a glass at midnight by ourselves with ds.

See how it goes this week and decide nearer the time?

Our DD(4) will be 11 months by the end of the year. I wouldn't bother going out personally. Too much like hassle. Also a miserable night for DC if they aren't used to the late hours/sleeping in strange places. DH is also perfectly happy to spend it at home with a bottle of bubbly between the two of us.

NYE is not a good night to find a babysitter. I think if you were determined to go out you could probably make it work - but it doesn't sound like you're that fussed about the party anyway.

No big deal to spend a few NYEs at home while DCs are tiny.

i hate NYE with a passion anyway

Another idea - do you have friends with similar age DCs? We started a tradition (by accident, hosting friends when DD2 was 5 weeks old!) of annual get togethers with old friends. We meet up for 2 or 3 days, all DCs welcome, NYE included.

Maybe you could host a quiet gathering at your house with friends & babies staying overnight & send DH off to the big noisy party for a few hours?

I'm not fussed about NYE anyway really, it's a nice excuse to have a party but it's not a date I particularly celebrate. I haven't been out on NYE for years.

If I could get a sitter I would go for a bit but there's no way I would fancy taking DS. I think DH wants to take him though, maybe he thinks he'll enjoy it or something

I wouldn't do it.myself, but then I am super strict about my DSs bedtime cuz he's been a shit sleeper from birth til 11 months and it just wouldn't be worth the stress to be honest. Missing out this one year won't be too bad

That's a great idea Kippers - I know loads of mums with similar aged babies

Don't go if it's not practical. I took a 7 month old to a NYE party though, stayed up until 1am and then went to bed fine lasted longer than a lot of the adults

Kippers idea sounds good.

I went to a party at a friends house with an 8 month old dd1 and it was shite. She settled but it was me that couldn't really relax and I didn't enjoy the company. Should've stayed at home.

YANBU for not wanting to go. All the rest of the angst and what if isn't necessary. How do you live like this it must be exhausting?

For me, that's too many people to have milling around with an unattended baby. And a DJ means thumping bass music.

I think it's incredibly nice of him to invite your DS, but I would refuse the invitation.

For anyone tempted to try my idea of an annual NYE gathering with small children a few tips 1) whoever is BFing a baby gets to go to bed early if they want to, they can watch the fireworks on iplayer the next day. 2) With lots of parents around you can delegate who is responsible adult, we always have 2. We take turns every year. The responsible adults are on duty all night apart from BF & for the 5am toddler wake up call. They then get to have an afternoon nap!! Having been on duty last year I'm looking forward to a night off :)

YANBU. You're only going to please other people. It's not a court summons. Why give up your evening just to please other people? You would probably spend all evening listening out for the baby or dealing with him, so you'd be better off staying at home. As for DH saying he won't go without you- emotional blackmail. Tell him to take his Dad and make it a boys night.

When the baby is older you might feel like it a bit more.

There was a phase in my life when I had small babies where I just sort of "retired" my social life and was quite happy to do so for a few years. Not everyone is a homebird like me though!

When my kids were very small, nothing appealed to me more than a night in with a takeaway and something good on the telly and my own bed.

I completely understand how you feel OP!

I did this once and took a video monitor, baby slept though all the night and it was fine. But if YOU don't feel comfortable doing it, don't do it.

To be honest I Would go. Always did that when mine were small. bUT you don't want to so dont feel pressured If your not going to enjoy it then it's really not worth it

yanbu. If you don't want to go then don't.

However I would go with the getting babysitter idea.

Agree that hubby's suggestion is a no go.

My son was 9 months for his first new year and outlasted nearly everyone else, was fascinated by fireworks and generally loved it all, but that was him and I was happy to go. If you don't think your baby will enjoy it and you don't want to go (which it doesn't sound like you do!) then don't - babies are a built-in excuse and there's no point agreeing to something that is going to stress you out for the next month.

Have the people suggesting babysitters ever tried to get a non-family babysitter on NYE? Almost impossible and very, very expensive if you intend to stay out past midnight...

Plus 9 months is exactly when the first bout of separation anxiety starts for many babies, and this one is a bf baby who feeds to sleep and wakes regularly... Not a great time to choose to leave him with an unfamiliar babysitter for the very first time!

I have a 10 month old and probably wouldn't go tbh. Yes, it MIGHT work out fine. But even if it did, I bloody hate big parties, so meh. Sounds like you're similar.

I like the idea though of telling DH he will be responsible for the baby apart from milk. I find people's idea of how easy it is to do things with little babies changes very rapidly when they have to lift even a finger. Yes, I'm looking at you FIL.

I would say only you know how likely it is that your LO will cope with the changes and how much hassle it will be if he doesn't.

Some people do have babies that will happily sleep in a travel cot, sling or pushchair and will be fine with this kind of party. I know my DS wouldn't have coped at all and when we did go to social events around that age I basically spent hours stuck in a room with him trying to settle him because he was so upset by it all.

OP I would feel stressed out at the prospect too so I agree YANBU.

Some people are great at being relaxed away from familiar surroundings. I wish I was a bit more like that, but I am not, and as they are only babies for a short time I don't mind passing on invitations either!

yanbu, when dd was same age on NYE, friends wanted us to bring her to a restaurant where they had arranged dinner. It was fucking miles away and we don't drive. She said we could put her to sleep out the back where owners mum would keep an eye on her!
When she had her kids she soon realised the reality of how hard things can be. Anyway we didn't go and she got the right hump but I'm not friends with her now anyway (over something completely different ).
If you're not happy don't go.

Don't bother if you're not that keen anyway.

I did this when DS was 3mo. He took ages to settle. The monitor was constantly flashing as the party noise was travelling all over the house, so I was permanently checking on him when he was actually fast asleep. Couldn't relax and enjoy myself. Really wished I'd been snuggled up at home.

Taking young children (or in fact any children at all) to things like this take ALL the fun out of it. YANBU, don't go , it will be hell for you while your DH leaves it to you and has a great time.

When our twin DS's were about 6 months old we went to my close friends wedding, all my old pals were there and it was a real boys reunion. DW was desperate to take the kids, I didn't want to. We took them on the proviso that she look after them if they were being demanding and it was (as predicted) awful! She was constantly checking them, soothing them , changing them, she couldn't drink much of the free champers and her meal went cold as she was off dealing with one of them.

Long story short, we have never taken them to another wedding / party / meal out / weekend away since. They are nearly 2 now and we don't intend to start including them in things like this until they are old enough not to be a total pain in the arse from start to finish.