to think there is a massive disconnect between being a parent and working and this needs to be taught emphatically at school

[theremustbeanotherway]

So that my people like me, as so many of you are, don't spend decades getting those top GCSEs, A-levels, the Oxbridge degree, the high-flying legal career, only to feel like I need to massively downgrade/quit work in order to have anything approaching a balanced life with my growing family? Tis truly miserable. I know part-time is a possibility but certainly not at my firm and they are like gold dust elsewhere. DH very supportive and does more than his fair share but it's not working at present and I can only see it getting worse in future.

Are there parts of the world where society is set-up so as to allow both parents to work without the family suffering? Is it because our society lacks the support of a strong extended family and community network or because our jobs are more demanding and don't acknowledge the competing demands of a young family?

The day when men talk about whether they can have it all (i.e. have a full time job and children) will the day when we have proper equality. Of course women can work full time and have children. They always have and always will.

As for whether AH shoudl go in house or whatever some of those jobs have long hours so you need to be careful and you will never own (unless they give you shares) an the pay usually is worse and a decision from head office to downsize all departments at any time can come so I am not sure it is a better option than working for yourself or a partner in a law firm but it's very hard to generalise. I certainly agree never make a career sacrifice for a man as that tends to be unwise. My children's father sold his house, changed jobs and moved hundreds of miles for my career. I would not have been the one messing my career up for man ever.

I think working in-house or PSL i.e. any non-chargeable role is worth a try. There is this site that may give you other ideas: www.moretolaw.com/morethanlaw/

I am not sure it is a given that children will suffer with both parents working full time. You may be a better parent by continuing to work as you're happier in yourself. It's a very personal decision. I agree that part time work is hard to find and it would be good to see the workplace adapting better.

Hello all, I thought I would provide an update since your thoughts and comments were so eye-opening and helpful those 8 months ago. Very soon after I posted this thread I was amazed to have not one but two fantastic job offers offering both great pay and good, regular hours, both with the possibility of dropping down to four days. I'm so grateful that I didn't rush into any foolish decisions any earlier since there clearly are some good jobs out there if you can be in the right place at the right time and hold out a little. One of the jobs was a potential dead end so I opted for the other one and couldn't be happier.

From my perspective when I started this thread, I was facing the choice between staying in the City, perhaps dropping down a firm tier or two, but essentially working roughly the same hours for roughly the same amount of money, or dropping right down the law firm tiers to somewhere I could be more certain of reasonable hours or control over my life, but for a fraction of the pay. I remember some people here implied that I had at least earned a choice by my earlier hard work at school/uni and that perhaps I should be grateful for that, but for me there was no benefit to that choice. Therefore I am incredibly pleased to be able to say that yes, there are some great careers out there even in tough competitive fields like law, and it is well worth working hard to reach a position whereby you can avail yourself of those opportunities. Thank you to those of you who encouraged me to hope. And good luck to those who are still searching for their perfect job and the right work-life balance for you.