To sincerely hope motherhood is not the best thing I will ever do?

[purplebiro]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, recently announced on FB and an old school friend commented "congrats - it's the best thing you'll ever do". AIBU to really want to reply "I sincerely fucking hope not"?

I know she was trying to be nice and I am delighted about the pregnancy but I am also highly intelligent, ambitious and hard working - if the best thing I'm ever going to do is with my womb, I might as well give up now. AND I doubt anyone would ever say that to a man.

"Ok, I am firmly not in the 'awwww being a mumma is the hardest job in the world, but also the most rewarding, you are no one until you have given birth and held your child in your arms' camp."

Well you seem to be from what you say in the rest of your post heliumbalonz. Or do you think you are somehow more special than other mummas because you will go back to work like most parents ?

Bring a human being up to become a well rounded person is far more valuable than any job, however if your value comes from becoming the best in the office, the best in a corporate world then great for you. Should you have children... now that's another story. Are they an "accessory" that you can pull out when YOU arent doing well out there... possibly.

It wasn't a 'snark', I'm surprised that anyone having these 'thoughts', 'doubts' about 'motherhood' would be announcing a baby is due at 12 weeks into the pregnancy especially if you have friends who have had miscarriages and your FB account is very personal due to only having good friends on it.

Equally, you haven't responded to my point about your flippant attitude far from being 'feminist' being 'anti feminist'?

EmbarrassedPossessed Thank you - I don't think it will be although obviously these things are very difficult to judge in advance but I tell you what, having read all of the above I most certainly would not be coming here for support if I do struggle. Which is a shame.

You neatly left out part of that quote there, purple. A child doesn't have to be the only important thing in your life, but you owe it to this person you've invited into this world to make them the most important. They haven't asked to be born. Plenty of parents don't, of course, and the cost in terms of human suffering resulting from this is truly tremendous.

Well it's all down to personality in the end. No two experiences will be the same. Some people may have longed for DC and the reality is not what was expected.

But to most people having a child is a pretty big deal, and at times it is all consuming. I am now the parent of two teenagers and although you would have thought they need you less, they need us more than ever.
We are currently trying to guide DS1 through what to take at A Level, and everything else is paling into insignificance.

Bit late to the thread, I've only read the first page and am comforted by rhe replies that I made the right choice recently in regards of turning down a career opportunity for the sake of having time with my pfb aged four before she goes to school at five.
I would have only seen her for two hours tops a day and I couldnt face it, not for any pay rise or ambition I may have.

Im a low wage earner too.

Passive aggressive? blimey!

You will be fine getting support and guidance on here after the baby is born purple, as presumably you won't ask it in AIBU.
Just post in the relevant topic and you should get all the help you need.

Goldenbear to be perfectly honest I'm struggling to follow your argument, but I suspect that has a lot more to do with my 5.45am start than your logic. I'm also not duty bound to respond to everyone (or anyone's) points. Rest assured I am delighted to be pregnant, very much looking forward to being a mother and have no doubts whatsoever about either of those things.

Yes, echo what Sparkling said - AIBU is definitely not the place to ask for support.

I have had lots of helpful and supportive advice in various sections of MN, which helped a great deal when my baby was small. Don't cut yourself off from a potentially useful source of information/support!

What Mintyy? Just because I said that motherhood changed me on some level? Are you saying that wasn't the case for you?

Sparklingbrook - lesson learnt indeed :) Or as my bezza said when I showed her this thread "fucking hell, H, know your audience!"

Once you have a child they are more important than you. It makes me sick to think that someone doesnt get that.

Jesus Christ op you've had a hard time on here have you not.

My oldest is almost 15 and I COMPLETELY agree with you.

Yeah fulfilling yeah amazing experience yeah yadda yadda yadda.

Motherhood is only one bit of my life and while I think I am doing pretty well at it mostof the time, and i adore my children, you are damn right there are other things I have done, am doing and plan to do which are just as if not more worthwhile.

Because after all, having children is merely about meeting a biological need in us, it isn't a self centred act by any means, especially not in a world where resources are scarce. Personally I think you've probably got it Sussed.

OP you do sound like a bit of a knob and you will cringe when you think back to this thread once you are a Mum.

I hope you grow up a bit before having your baby. Then maybe you'll realise that you can be an intelligent, high-achieving woman and still allow yourself to admit that being a parent is the best and most important thing to happen to you.

Becoming a parent (in nearly all cases) will change you - you are now permanently responsible for a vulnerable human being. You are responsible for their basic care and their appropriate development. Getting it wrong could actually ruin their lives. And, you care more deeply about the human being and their life than anyone else.

Most people are not usually in that situation before becoming a parent. If you get it right and do a decent job of being a parent, the rewards are amazing.

purple. It's AIBU isn't it-you will always get a wide range of views so to speak.

I guess it will be interesting to see how you actually do feel in 6 months time. It could go either way.

Anyway make the most of having your Christmas tree up this year because you will have a marauding 6 month old next and you might decide not to bother with one.

I love my children dearly but I don't think parenthood would make it into my top ten. For me raising children is a rite of passage, one of those things you just get on with, nothing to do with my achievements or 'personal bests'

Know your audience? You have a very strange brand of feminism going on if you think that the 40,000 members of mumsnet think the same way about life or parenting. Becoming a mother doesn't make women all share the same thoughts, as you have alluded to yourself. It just so happens quite a lot believe that becoming a mother changed their priorities. There's quite a lot of research that suggests this is a normal adaptive process for new mothers, if you don't feel you can rely on just us little old mums here with nightcaps on, knitting socks for 'im indoors.

I think the OP is being rather unfairly flamed here. None of us really understood the extent to which things would change when we became parents, right? I remember DH going on and on about how our lives wouldn't change even once the baby arrived, we wouldn't drone on about tedious baby stuff, we would still go out to galleries and indy films blah blah. Cut to - well - I think most parents could finish that sentence! So maybe cut her some slack - she is just thinking and wondering and trying to come to terms with different roles/identities/ways of being perceived. I suspect she will feel the enormity of the love like a big rocket when the time comes just like the vast majority do.

If I am entirely honest the first 6 weeks after DC1 I did wonder if I had done the right thing. It was pants.

Thanks, RJnomore - appreciated. Having said all that though I do wonder how much easier it is for me to state my priorities so firmly now, with the mild inconvenience of night wees, sporadic flatulence and not being able to have an Aspalls of an evening - perhaps I'll waver a bit more when I'm elbow deep in nappies and haven't slept for three days - "…the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions" etc.

Oh god I am going to get slaughtered for that one, aren't I?

Just to put my two pennies in....

I wasn't even fussed about having children, I have three now and am not at all child centric

But it is different once you have them

A bit like someone who before they get a dog says I'm not going to be one of those owners who talks in baby language and calls themselves mummy and daddy..and then does exactly that

My DH was on a night out with some of his friends, all blokes and all but one have children.

The one who doesn't have children was saying that he really wants to have them soon. All the others were telling him how amazing it is to be a Dad and how it's the best thing that he will ever do! They told him that it would change his life.

These men are highly intelligent, ambitious and hard working.

You could travel the world, win an Oscar, climb Everest, earn a gazillion pounds but I can guarantee, OP, that nothing will feel better than being a mother!