To sincerely hope motherhood is not the best thing I will ever do?

[purplebiro]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, recently announced on FB and an old school friend commented "congrats - it's the best thing you'll ever do". AIBU to really want to reply "I sincerely fucking hope not"?

I know she was trying to be nice and I am delighted about the pregnancy but I am also highly intelligent, ambitious and hard working - if the best thing I'm ever going to do is with my womb, I might as well give up now. AND I doubt anyone would ever say that to a man.

Actually, I think dismissing pregnancy and giving birth as 'easy' is an anti-feminist statement. For some pregnancy is hard and personally I only know one woman whose birth wasn't fucking agony. Flippantly passing these things off as an 'occurrence' is another way to denigrate women as these 'things' can only be done by a woman after all!

Blimey, you are coming across in a very angry way here OP... you keep referring to your baby as a "kid", are you ok?

So that's it, is it? When I have my kid everything else will pale into insignificance? Yup.

Just asked DH 'What's the best thing that you've ever done or that's ever happened to you in your life?'

He answered, 'apart from the birth bit, it was having the kids'.

Ironic, seeing as he didn't actually 'do' the birth bit (although I was out-of-my-face so can't remember anyway).

Nobody is saying everything pales into insignificance.

Clearly it doesn't, a huge amount of the posters on MN have jobs/careers and children. Pretty sure every single poster, whether they work or stay at home with their children have interests beyond them.

What people are saying is that raising a child is a pretty significant thing, likely to be more so than any job you have.

HalleLouja - quite - I have a few friends who have had absolutely devastating struggle ttc - and spoke to them all separately before I put anything on Facebook and made sure they were aware I was going to. I doubt that made it the world's greatest experience for them but they are close enough for us to be able to have an honest conversation about it. I also have very few friends on FB as a rule so I am confident that there's no one I "missed" in that regard.

Alisvolatpropiis - was responding to an early snark about announcing on Facebook.

Tinks42 - sticking attitude or no, my partner and I would very much like to start a family and we both absolutely adore children. That doesn't mean I have to stop questioning what that it means to be a parent or a woman.

..your OP "and I doubt anyone would ever say that to a man"..you're completely wrong, I have said this to many fathers and fathers to be. Maybe you should actually have your child and start to parent him or her before you judge us all on our wombcapades.

You don't have to do it on day one... there's an adjustment, and it takes some longer than others. You may very well have a baby and look at it on the first day and think 'thank Christ that's over, get me a cup of tea'. However, the bond between parents and children is so strong and implicit that if you don't find the baby and his or her needs start to take priority after the first few months, you will know and probably seek help for it, as many of us have had to do.

You don't come across as "highly intelligent" at all, tbh.

It's quite obvious that your friend means being a parent is the best thing you'll ever do. Not shagging and conceiving. And you don't do bringing up children with your womb either, incase you didn't realise.

Oh I see op. Announcing on facebook is pretty normal. But facebook is much derided on MN, I'd just ignore that one!

OP you sound like you are kind of in denial. You sound angry?

purple you sound more like most of the down-to- earth mum friends i know in RL. they love their children (hell I love their children) but they don't exist in a child oriented bubble of their own making. but come to think of it, none of them are on mumsnet!

????? questioning things is fine, being angry and saying that a child wouldnt be the most important thing in your life is a massive, huge, disgusting wrong... I would say you shouldnt have got pregnant in the first place due to your.... yes, stinking attitude.

Ok, I am firmly not in the 'awwww being a mumma is the hardest job in the world, but also the most rewarding, you are no one until you have given birth and held your child in your arms' camp.

I hate being solely defined as 'a mother'. I have a career, and I am (mostly) looking forward to going back to work after my maternity leave.

But becoming a parent is still the best thing I have ever done! I grew two babies all by myself and am watching them grow into people. I am attached to them in a way I could never have comprehended before, and I would literally die for them. Of course it's the best thing I've ever done!

What does that mean area? Do you think mners live in a child orientated bubble?

were you "pressured" into it? being a bang on "feminist" I hope not.

I'm probably coming across as quite angry because there are some quite harsh comments being thrown at me for daring to ask some questions. I'm not angry, I'm just not prepared to concede to the idea that I am going to change my world view in six months time without a bit more an persuasive argument than "you'll see" and "why do you want to have a baby anyway, f that's how you feel".

Kid is just common parlance where I come from - we all call my best friend's beloved, charming, funny three year old "the kid", my next door neighbour's bright, polite and wise six and eight year olds "the kids" - nothing derogatory or dehumanising in it.

Oh ffs. Child oriented bubble my arse. How does talking about being a feminist and valuing your abilities more than your womb make someone sound more 'down to earth' than someone saying 'actually having kids is a pretty big deal, probably more taxing than your average day job'? Sounds more airy fairy to me, but to be expects at the early stages of pregnancy.

" massive, huge, disgusting wrong... I would say you shouldnt have got pregnant in the first place due to your.... yes, stinking attitude."

Is that an actual acceptable thing to say to someone? Jeez.

Also, it seems you are trying to make this into a feminist 'i am more than just a baby making machine' issue. Its really not.

You do realise that 'motherhood' is a leetle bit more than the 'pregnancy' bit don't you?!

I think they meant in terms of joy they give...

Oh good grief no, one of mine is very ugly, definitely could have done better, not my best work.

Actually some people do find that they struggle with being a parent, and that becoming a parent isn't for them what everyone told them it would be. That is a difficult position to be in, as children can easily pick up on this and struggle with it. I hope this isn't the case for you purplebiro.

Op you are an angry naive idiot, clearly rolls eyes

come back in 6mths/5 years/18 year when you have 'grown up'... because right now you KNOW NOTHING.

I think life is full of different kinds of things to do and be - it isn't a competition.