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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that whilst DS' comment was wrong it was not racist?

589 replies

HaHaLOL · 25/11/2014 17:13

DS is in year 7. An Indian girl was talking very quickly in English to him and being silly. He said "stop talking flippin' Hindu".

Today we've had a letter saying he has been given a Senior Staff Detention, in big bold letters - "for making a racist comment". He told me he had to write a letter to her and her parents (don't have a problem with this at all). This is all because the parents have made a complaint against him.

Now he has a fiery temper and we can imagine him saying sth like that out of anger/frustration. DH is sure it's not actually a racist comment and thinks it's like saying to someone "stop speaking double Dutch" and he thinks its PC gone mad.

DS' head of year told him today that his comment will go to the local council and be recorded in a "racist comments" book. Is this true?! Surely she wouldn't have made it up!

I would add that DH's best two best friends are Chinese and Indian. We lived in Asia for a year. DS went to a huge international school. He would have had more nationalities in his class than the whole of our town I would imagine. His best friends were Japanese, Korean, American and English. For 2 years DS has been learning Mandarin. I cannot imagine a more culturally aware 11 year old among his peers.

DH wants to write to the Head to challenge the racism angle, particularly if it's gone down in some record at the council.

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. I just want to get some other views, please.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Mmymimi · 25/11/2014 22:47

she won't last long in this cut throat world she won't last long in this cut throat world

She won't last long in this racist world. Maybe in time she'll learn how to swallow up racism.

It's not fair of the girl to go around telling people and stirring it all up again
How is she unfair? Why can't your son accept that she is offended and sharing with her friends in the same way you want her to accept that your son meant no harm?

ChimesAndCarols · 25/11/2014 22:49

He said "stop talking flippin' Hindu".

Quoted from OP - not me TheOriginal

Original poster
HaHaLOL · 25/11/2014 22:52

Oh FFS he made a mistake and said something mean. He is remorseful. It's been dealt with. He is 11. He is a good kid. She has had her pound of flesh. There is no need to start bullying him. And if that continues we will be making a complaint about her behaviour.

I'm not going to comment any more on this thread but I am grateful for the replies, and for the support too.

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 25/11/2014 22:52

But it wasn't 'a little remark about her her gabbling too fast in Hindu', was it? It was a remark about her talking quickly, in English, which the boy chose to describe as 'Hindu'. Do you see?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 25/11/2014 22:54

Calling people on racist remarks isn't 'getting your pound of flesh': that's a very loaded way to put it.

It seems as though you feel this girl has 'won' something because other kids are sharing the sense that this was racist. I don't think that's true.

TheFairyCaravan · 25/11/2014 22:56

How has she "had her pound of flesh?"

How is she "bullying him?" If she has told her friends what your son has said and they have decided that they don't like what he said and now have an issue with him because of it, that isn't her fault!

RiverTam · 25/11/2014 22:56

he doesn't sound very 'culturally aware'. In fact, for someone who's apparently so cosmopolitan, he sounds pretty ignorant.

cheesecakemom · 25/11/2014 22:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Tron123 · 25/11/2014 22:58

I hope HaHaLol you are able to resolve this with the school so that the issue is closed and no formal record is kept and that son can continue his education without being bullied or there being a witch hunt.

cheesecakemom · 25/11/2014 23:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ChimesAndCarols · 25/11/2014 23:06

Where will you go to OP? Please do us a favour and stay there!

I am absolutely horrified at how personal attacks are being levied at the OP.

The fact that grown adults on a public forum are vilifying an 11 year old CHILD for an off the cuff remark is not, I hope, indicative of what the public at large would do. Appalling posts and behaviour toward an 11 year old child.

Snaveanator · 25/11/2014 23:06

I don't understand why OP would even come on to ask if she is being unreasonable and asking opinions, if she is so set on her opinion and seemingly unable to listen to any other view point.

My comparison to name calling was dismissed, as he didn't technically call her the same. It doesn't matter, it's the context of what was said.

Remember the whole CBB race issue with jade goody and shilpa shetty? As well as calling her names such as shilpa poppodom, they mocked how she spoke. That was racist. I bet OP would have agreed at the time that mocking the way shilpa spoke was racist, but oh no, not when it's her cultured little darling.

harverina · 25/11/2014 23:13

Bloody hell. Talk about over reaction.

The OP has acknowledged that the comment was unacceptable. She doesn't appear to be minimising it. In fact she seems to believe that the apology and letter were appropriate.

The comment wasn't nice but it wasn't necessarily racist. It was inappropriate but it wasn't in my option racist. He didn't imply that he felt in any way superior to her due to his race.

All that needs done in a case like this is for the child to be educated, to be told why the comment was not nice. Not to be made an example of or to be isolated in class. The OP's ds has learned his lesson and it should stop here. He is a CHILD. He should be allowed to make mistakes, learn from them and move on.

Icimoi · 25/11/2014 23:14

If the British/Indian girl felt the above, then she won't last long in this cut throat world if a little remark about her gabbling too fast in Hindi does this to her. Talk about going over the top!

Chimes, there have been several posts on here from people who have experienced these "little remarks" testifying just how upsetting they can be. Are you going to sneer at their inability to last in this cut-throat world? And the fact is that if people are allowed to get away with it, it never is just one "little remark". It's an insidious accumulation of them week after week, day after day. It's not something that white people in the UK tend to have to deal with, no matter how cut-throat this world is.

And, just for the record, if a white person did have to deal with lots of racist "little remarks", it would be just as hurtful and difficult to deal with.

Icimoi · 25/11/2014 23:15

Of course he implied that he was superior to the girl due to her race, harverina. He was basically saying that she couldn't talk properly because of her race.

Of course he should be allowed to learn and move on from his mistakes. The trouble is, if his parents don't acknowledge that this was racist, it's going to be rather difficult for him to do so.

ChimesAndCarols · 25/11/2014 23:17

He was basically saying that she couldn't talk properly because of her race.

No, he was basically saying he couldn't understand what she was saying because he thought she was talking in a different language.

Nothing racist about it.

cheesecakemom · 25/11/2014 23:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

cheesecakemom · 25/11/2014 23:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TheFallenMadonna · 25/11/2014 23:20

I Understood from the OP's posts that her son was aware that the girl was speaking in English.

ChimesAndCarols · 25/11/2014 23:21

Nor were you cheesecakemom - but you are INSISTING it was racist.

The mother also said the girl was mucking about and talking silly.

harverina · 25/11/2014 23:24

My understanding was that he couldn't understand her because of the way she was speaking.

He didn't want her to be quiet because she is Indian.

His words were ill chosen and not thought out. His intent was not to silence her because she was a different, inferior race.

There is a difference between making a remark without thinking about it and being purposefully derogatory towards someone. He made a mistake and this has been pointed out to him. He seems upset that he has caused offence/hurt. Hopefully be won't do it again. The comment may have implied that he is racist but his past behaviour (I am assuming this because we have no info to indicate otherwise) and response to the incident would suggest that he is not.

"Incidents" have to be looked at in context.

claig · 25/11/2014 23:27

She "was talking very quickly in English to him and being silly. He said "stop talking flippin' Hindu".

He may have been joking that he couldn't understand her point and what she was saying a bit like OP's DH thought "it's like saying to someone "stop speaking double Dutch"

Icimoi · 25/11/2014 23:29

No, he was basically saying he couldn't understand what she was saying because he thought she was talking in a different language.

No, he didn't. Read the first line of the OP. He knew she was speaking in English.

Icimoi · 25/11/2014 23:31

claig, we've had the Double Dutch discussion upthread, there's no point in going round that again. The fact is, he didn't choose to use the term "Double Dutch" he chose to use a term directly related to the child's perceived race, and one he would not use to a white child.

claig · 25/11/2014 23:31

If someone is talking English and you want to imply and joke that you can't understand their point you might say stop speaking Double Dutch or that's all Greek to me etc