To think that whilst DS' comment was wrong it was not racist?

[HaHaLOL]

DS is in year 7. An Indian girl was talking very quickly in English to him and being silly. He said "stop talking flippin' Hindu".

Today we've had a letter saying he has been given a Senior Staff Detention, in big bold letters - "for making a racist comment". He told me he had to write a letter to her and her parents (don't have a problem with this at all). This is all because the parents have made a complaint against him.

Now he has a fiery temper and we can imagine him saying sth like that out of anger/frustration. DH is sure it's not actually a racist comment and thinks it's like saying to someone "stop speaking double Dutch" and he thinks its PC gone mad.

DS' head of year told him today that his comment will go to the local council and be recorded in a "racist comments" book. Is this true?! Surely she wouldn't have made it up!

I would add that DH's best two best friends are Chinese and Indian. We lived in Asia for a year. DS went to a huge international school. He would have had more nationalities in his class than the whole of our town I would imagine. His best friends were Japanese, Korean, American and English. For 2 years DS has been learning Mandarin. I cannot imagine a more culturally aware 11 year old among his peers.

DH wants to write to the Head to challenge the racism angle, particularly if it's gone down in some record at the council.

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. I just want to get some other views, please.

Thank you.

OP, he tells you to stop speaking French because he knows you are speaking French (and probably about secrets!).

He told this girl to stop speaking 'Hindu' when she was speaking English. And I'm sorry, but I don't believe for a moment he would have told a white girl who was being annoying to stop speaking Hindu.

Unfortunately, that comment takes the situation from kids being arses to one where race becomes an issue, because of what he said.

Your poor little boy op, so sorry you're going through this.

FFS, children say hurtful things to one another all the time. A careless comment made maybe but racist??? The school's gone PC mad and many of the posters on here by the sounds of things.

Yes, of course they need records, Claig. If your child was punished for a course of persistent misconduct and you asked the school for details, would you really accept it if they told you they had no records and were simply relying on staffroom gossip?

It was a racist comment.

Schools are obliged to keep records of racist incidents (& a whole range of other bullying behaviours).

Then, when Ofsted or whoever rock up & say 'what's your record on racist name-calling, & your policy for dealing with it?' they can say: ah yes, for example we had an incident involving two year 7s last November [details given including how the school resolved it].

Obviously, this gives a more credible impression that: oh no, we've none of that here!, which is then dynamited out of the water when the girl who was racially insulted is asked the same question by the inspectors, or her parents fill in the parental survey.

It's a way of monitoring & addressing the situation 'There have been 3 incidents similar to this among year 7s this week. Do we need to clarify in assembly that we don't tolerate it, or should we add a unit to the form tutors' programme?' for example.

It's highly unlikely that anyone has ever been kept out of University on the basis of making an unintentionally racist comment at the age of 11. Fairly sure the Mail would have noticed. In fact, it's so implausible they don't even appear to have invented such a story.

Smashley because we accept that the comment was mean and unnecessary.

But, Chimes, having an East end accent doesn't in any way put you in a similar position to members of races that have been the subject of a long history of serious persecution. Remarking on your accent is in no way comparable to calling someone by a racist name. It really is, frankly, quite extraordinary that you think this is in any way comparable.

The school's gone PC mad and many of the posters on here by the sounds of things.

Should I stop complaining when to the school when my dd gets called Paki, or fucking Spaz then?
She is of Spanish Descent, and yes, she has Cerebral Palsy. But both terms are offensive.

Claig, as I'm not in a school, I have absolutely no idea what your question refers to.

Actually, I would ask the headmaster what investigation they have done intio teh incident and what witnesses they have spoken to and why they have not asked for the OP's side of the story.

What sort of justice is this, that doesn't even question the accused or ask them their side of teh story before expecting parents to sign documents saying that this was a racist incident and reporting it as such to the council?

Maybe their are solicitors who can claim for the stress and harrassment to the accused child and his parents, particularly if no proper investigation has been carried out?

He didn't call anyone a racist name.

Have You started 2 threads op?

I might have been prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt if she had a very thick Hindi accent he was just trying to express (badly) that he couldn't understand her.

But seeing as you now say she's British born and speaks with an English accent, then it was unquestionably a racist comment. He was trying to insult her/shut her up by making a reference to her skin colour/heritage.

Is she Hindu? Is she even Indian? If she's a Sikh of Pakistani heritage or a Muslim of Bangladeshi heritage then I'm not surprised her parents are fuming.

Not to mention, she might well just be as atheist and British as I am- albeit with darker skin.

We only have the child's word for it that the school hasn't asked him about what he said - somehow I find that highly unlikely - how otherwise did they manage to make him attend a detention? And given that he admits to what he said, and what he said was clearly racist, that seems to dispose of the issue.

*Add message | Report | Message poster HaHaLOL Tue 25-Nov-14 20:03:53
Also DH is saying how can anyone actually know what was said. It was over a week ago and there were no witnesses. It is not corroborated. They have heard one side of the story. They have not actually talked to DS, or us, about it before concluding racism and the punishment.

It feels like they've panicked and felt they must TAKE ACTION NOW.*

So, they concluded racism before you called them and you accepted the detention? Now you don't want to sign a letter? Why not?

Maybe their are solicitors who can claim for the stress and harrassment to the accused child and his parents, particularly if no proper investigation has been carried out?

Nope. Not unless OP wants to throw a fortune at a case which, even if it were proved to the hilt, would result in damages which would struggle to reach three figures.

Claig yet again, you are looking increasingly unhinged. For goodness sake, nobody is going to lose a uni place over this, the incident is usually recorded without names. Stop trying to derail the bloody thread with your paranoia and Daily Mail tripe, please!

I said something to a classmate when I was 9 or 10 which accidentally sounded completely racist. I 100% did not say it for racist reasons and indeed did not even think about skin colour then as had always grown up and been in classes with kids of all different nationalities. What happened was a Pakistani boy had been tormenting me all day. He kept saying "you're this" "you're that" about everything. We were painting and he said "thats a yukky colour'. Out of my mouth came "you're a yukky colour." And I was totally just being immature and repeating back his insult to him. I had not thought at all about his skin colour. I really 100% can say that. However a classmate heard and told everyone I was racist..which is fair enough as it sounded horrible. But I really didn't mean it in a racial sense.

It sounds weird even now
I still.feel bad that people thought I was a racist back then and maybe still do. 30 odd years later. I really wasn't.

Maybe the OPs son is the same.

He was remarking on her language - not her race. He didn't directly call her a racist name.

Why is it mean and unnecessary though? You said yourself he tells you to stop speaking French, do you find that mean and unnecessary? I think you know that what he said and how he said it could be perceived as racist and that's the real reason you know it's mean and unnecessary. Otherwise he's just telling her to stop talking. You wouldn't find him saying "Stop speaking gibberish" mean and unnecessary would you?? Come on OP- Your son is not a racist and not being labeled as such. He made a racial comment that hurt a child- don't minimize it by pretending it's not what it is.

If he had said that's a yukky painting I would have said "you're a yukky painting" iyswim. It was so unfortunate. Feel bad for him and 9 year old me.

I think if it was my own ds, I'd be signing the form, but insisting that the school attached to it his letter of apology, & another from me/dh re-iterating that whilst a racist comment was indisputably made, it was made out of ignorance rather than malice, & a sharp lesson has been learned.

Then the whole lot could sit quietly gathering dust in the file together.

Ds's feet wouldn't have touched, mind you. I've never heard him, or either of his younger sisters come out with anything like that - although dd1 was pretty upset last year to be told 'all white girls have nits' by her best frenemy...

It's unacceptable. Children need to be taught that. This is the job of parents, teachers, & the 'whole village'.

'how otherwise did they manage to make him attend a detention?'

He is an 11 year old child in Year 7 and they probably put the fear of God into him by all this. He probably doesn't think what he said is racist but has to go along with it as the wheels turn and the headmaster and everyone else is drafyting reports and printing letters of acknowledgement that must be signed.

"he's just come and told me how sorry he is to cause all this trouble and that he is so ashamed of himself. He knows what he has done is wrong."

Just like the 6 year old girl was frightended about the police coming to get her

"The little girl is in tumult. She has to be reassured that the police will not come and take her away."

No, he assumed that because she had a darker skin she was using another language. Racist. He picked a language that he felt was correct to assign to her skin colour. Racist. He may not be racist but he made a racist comment. He should not have done.
Now, if school's have gone PC Mad, should I stop complaining about the comments my dd gets?

apologies for errant apostrophe. tired.