To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

Fab.

Tiny willies

Now that IS a problem

I have horrid, ancient brown carpets and am generally a shoe on house but wet wellies are not the same as a reasonably clean pair of shoes and I would absolutely expect them to be removed. I have a 3 year old who I have had to wrestle into clothes on a number of occasions so I understand how depressing this can be but I would still always remove dds shoes at someone else's house.

To be honest if this is out of character for her I would leave it a couple days and then maybe see if she wants a visit from you. If she is having a hard time this might be less stressful.

Wellies on carpet? Wellies?! C'mon seriously who really thinks that's ok? (And I'm not house proud nor do I demand shoes off even though I take mine off)
I wouldn't lose a friend over it though, I'd just sigh and get the Hoover out when they'd gone.

Shoes off in this house, if people can't respect this 1 simple rule then they are not welcomed.

The only person who is allowed is MIL because it's very difficult for her to remove her shoes.

Just send a text" Hope you ok let's not fall out over a carpet and wellies...Still friends I hope?x "

It doesn't matter what colour the carpet is

It doesn't matter how new it is

Who the hell thinks it's perfectly ok to tread muddy wellies through someone's house?!

Can't believe those who are saying the OP is precious. Surely any sane person wouldn't dream of walking wellies through someone's house?

I did that typo too Rainbow!

I wouldn't have dirty wellies or even dirty shoes in my house no matter what colour / age my carpets were.

Is she a bit of an ineffective parent? Why couldn't she get the wellies off?

Great thread

My 'apeth is that if the friend is having that much trouble with her son at the moment that she cant face taking his footwear off for fear of a tantrum, then she shouldn't have come round to view a new house (with new flooring) with him in tow.

New carpet or old, cream carpet or concrete, you don't walk about indoors with wellies on. Doubly so if the host has asked you not to.

Friend could have simply said ''oh gosh, cream carpets! I'll pop over one evening when little X is in bed 'cos i cant take faffing with his wellies right now. ((hug)) Goodbye''.

If a friend of mine behaved like that I would ask them if they were ok as it would be so out of character.

For a 20 year friendship I would check everything was ok, not end it over a carpet domestic.

However, if she's always like that then maybe time to reconsider the friendship.

I think you aren't being completely unreasonable OP, I would have my child remove his wellies in this instance, and hope friends would do the same at mine in the same circumstances. (We aren't a shoes off in the house family, except for wellies and muddy footwear.)

However, I think balloonslayer's reply is dreadful, really patronising and spiteful. If you truly want to kill a friendship that has spanned two decades then maybe that is the way to proceed. But friendship trumps carpets, every time.

YANBU. How difficult is it to slip off a pair of wellies and then back on again when it's time to leave, it's a piece of piss not a near impossible task. I wouldn't dream of letting my toddler stomp her dirty wet wellies over someone's carpet, even if was already old and manky, totally rude and entitled.

I'll bet her DS had done a wee in his wellies so his socks were soaked too. Or had been jumping in puddles and she knew his socks were muddy & wet.

my house has the oldest most horrid carpets ever and I would still be aghast if a parent didn't take their child's muddy wellies off before coming in. Your friend is being rude and strange.

In the horror that is soft plays there is a no show rule. Would this friend be arguing with the staff there.

Why is it ok to have a go at a friend/relative or partner but not ok to strangers.

YANBU tho

Presumably you saw her over the last 3 years in your old place? What happened there with regards to shoes and boots?

YANBU, but I suspect there is a lot more to this story. And if there isn't, then she has massively overreacted for a reason.

I do wonder what all the shoes on (and dirty wellies on) inside people's houses look like. Your carpets must be disgusting.

Just to clarify

Friend hadn't trekked across London, she had come today as it was convenient for her (she was on route somewhere else after), but I had mentioned her coming in for tea, cake and the boys could have a play.

I've had a bit of an epiphany since this thread began though as I couldn't work out what had pissed me off so much and I think I have to admit that I do not like being dictated to by a 3 year old.

Friend's child isn't the easiest of kids - by my friends own admission - but she has always facilitated her child behaviour, often at the expense of others. I think the most note worthy example was when friend walked out of lunch when her son was about 18 months and having a tantrum.. She went home , not only leaving me to pay but leaving me to figure out for myself that she wasn't coming back as she didn't call me / answer my calls. It was just me, her and our two boys. She did later apologise and offered to pay her share of lunch but my issue even back then was how she dealt with her child. I mean surely walking out and not even telling me was a huge over-reaction to a run of the mill tantrum.

There are plenty of other things I have noticed and never commented on - I have met friend on numerous occasions when her child is not properly dressed for the weather - think wellies in summer / no coat in winter because he hasn't wanted to wear weather suitable clothing.

Also there is a massive issue with my friends child's cleanliness as he doesn't like that bath. She has told me he sometimes only has a bath every fortnight and even then only as the CM has mentioned it.

Some of this is really alien to me as my DS hates the bath and doesn't always like his nappy changed / to be dressed but it's just stuff that has to be done?

I guess I think my friend lets her boy have too much freedom / autonomy and today was just another example of that BUT I was not prepared for her to allow her child freedom in my home when he had dirty fucking shoes on.

I agree BertieBrabinger

I think the wellies incident is a red herring. If it was me I'd just put that down to her having a hard day and a troublesome 3 year old.

The bitchy texts after would bother me though. By the quickness and meanness of her reply I'd say she's been harbouring a grudge for some time. I couldn't be friend with someone who is, quite frankly, a bitch.

I do feel like I've missed something though having never cleaned tiny, or otherwise, willies in my kitchen < I think???

Not everybody has carpets in their houses, SomethingFunny...

Shoe rule

Her answer to your text would have infuriated me. It's not like she was going to stay for 5 minutes so having an argument about boots with her son would have been worth it. She must have been in a foul mood.