To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

Can't believe people actually think a child should be allowe to wear wellies indoors!!!!
We always take shoes off and we have cheap laminate and a badly stained cream stair carpet
If we go anyone's house we all take our shoes off and people who come to ours always take their shoes off , I've never had to ask anyone to take their shoes off!! It's just the fine things isn't it? Or at least in my circle of friends and family. Keeps the outside dirt outside and the inside dirt inside!

Bluegreen, the friend offered to wipe the boots. And did I miss the bit where the friend lives on a farm in the country and was just visiting London for the day? Everyone seems very convinced these are muddy boots? Isn't it more likely that they were just a bit wet and that wiped dry boots on a kitchen floor wouldn't have been any hassle at all?

That is terrible helpful thesaurusgirl, I thank you

*terribly

There are faults on both sides. You really can't have a cream carpet unless you decide you are not having guests at all or make everyone wear slippers who enters your house. But she should have made an effort since it was a wet day and their shoes were muddy and your carpet was new. If I had been her I would have carried him into the kitchen and there he would have stayed till he took his shoes off. Sounds like she is having a tough time and this was the last straw.

It is NOT basic manners to take shoes off indoors. It's some people's preference

I. disagree but that's not the point.

They weren't shoes they were wellies. wellies have a deep tread usually
a wipe would have done fuck all.

Oh, unless you mean that she could have wrestled the boots off the child and then wrestled them back on again
Err...yeah? Tough luck kiddo...the boots are coming off.

YANBU at all, she was rude

I love the idea that having cream carpets and guests are mutually exclusive!

but this clearly wasn't an option for this mother as she mentioned it twice
Had she glued them on?

Er.... it's just a carpet and you are talking about a friendship that has spanned 20 years. Surely that is more important or are you just looking for a reason to tell her to get lost? In which case say that to her. If you think it is more important to have her in your life than obsess on mumsnet about your carpet then perhaps say 'what was that all about? could we please discuss what happened at my house as its really upset me?' or something along those lines and try and resolve things between you two. But hey, what do we know we are just virtual strangers as opposed to the strong 20 year old friendship you two have.

Oh Giles let it go! Not everyone wants shoes off in their house.

Giles, you can actually wipe Welles clean, tread and all. Especially if they are wet from concrete London pavements rather than muddy from following the local Hunt.

I would imagine that a parent who couldn't get a 3 year old to take off his wellies, may well be ineffectual at keeping them in the kitchen.

I expect friend is jealous and will use your 'unreasonableness' as an excuse to distance herself

They were wellies. seriously dirty wet wellies in the house?.

YANBU. It's rude to refuse to take your shoes off in someone's house, especially when asked and especially when they've just had new carpet laid.

Having a difficult child isn't an excuse. I have a very stubborn, headstrong three year old and the solution to her tantrums isn't to let her get her own way.

Clearly there's something else going on with your friend here. Either she's always this highly strung, or she's got some issues. Either way, she was being a dick.

We have a cream carpet bought when our kids were 1 and 3. Never even thought about the mess that would come [oops].

We have a wet hoover to clean it so it isn't too bad but with 10 years of wear it is looking sad. When I move the sofa to hoover under it I am reminded of the original colour and pile [wry grin].

In my experience, differing parenting styles isn't about snobbery but is about being a source of friction between people who both feel they have it right.

She is totally in the wrong here but I do feel sorry for her, she sounds like she is quite stressed.

squoosh I don't think you can stop an argument about shoes on or off on this thread. Let it go

Bloody hell, how far can MN sidetrack a simple thread? TTC? Parenting/DP issues? Op's choice of carpet? Who cares? Nobody in their right mind would think it reasonable to allow their child to wear dirty wellies in the house. Wellies aren't your usual outdoor shoes even, they are for wearing in wet and mucky conditions. It doesn't matter what colour or age Op's carpet is, friend was rude to even think it might be OK to keep them on.

If she wanted a friend to talk to, if she wanted to get her child out for a while it's simple, observe common courtesy and take the dirty footwear off.

I agree diving.

Had she glued them on?

You're right. There was clearly no glue involved.

However, if she's spent the time getting the child dressed that she said she'd spent, I can see why she wouldn't want to repeat all of that in her friend's house. She sounds stressed, exhausted, and like she just couldn't cope with the extra thing that the visit with the friend suddenly involved.

So she didn't stay. The OP doesn't seem that interested in the friendship anyhow, as she's prepared to never speak to her again. I just can't see it being that big of a deal.

But it's not my house and it's not my carpet (mine were once cream - they're now faded to a strange peachy beige colour). I think I'd have invited my friend into the kitchen to get warm and dry and to clean the child's boots, but if this thread has taught us anything, it's that different people have different priorities.

I don't know why all the "friendship" obligation rests with Op either. Surely a good friend of 20 years would look at a new carpet and get the bloody wellies off without a murmer?

I agree with theFowl too

How hard is it to get wellies on and off anyway? Doc martens maybe but not wellies.