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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

999 replies

Mammanat222 · 23/11/2014 17:34

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2014 17:41

I seriously think many posters on MN..not just meaning OP. .just love the chance to release their inner bitch and have a good rant about anyone. Ie the OPS friend and the wellies.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 24/11/2014 17:41

When you go on a ski holiday, there is a specific boot room in which you take off your boots, leave them there and change into clean, comfortable shoes, as the hotel/chalet owners (rightly) do not want wet, mucky ski- or snowboard-boots traipsing across their (mainly) wooden and easy-to-clean floors.

It's just common sense and good manners.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 24/11/2014 17:43

Oh, PLUS - it is an actual rule! Grin

aermingers · 24/11/2014 17:43

Even though she apparently doesn't post on here given that she is the mother of a toddler and LOADS of identifying details have been posted on here I would be extremely surprised if someone who knows these two hasn't recognised them. I suspect that she may well get to hear about this thread but I hope she won't.

To get a friend such a public kicking and calling her a bad parent and passing on details of arguments is not on. I note that the OP has also gleefully and by her own admission shared what were private confidences her friend made to her.

This isn't just about the wellies, it's about the fact that the OP seems to view her best friend with what borders on contempt. I don't know how you could allow a friend to have what's been said on here, especially as the OP has cheerfully put the boot in several times.

aermingers · 24/11/2014 17:44

CheerfulYank you could if you let him sit on the side and put his feet in the sink.

KatieKaye · 24/11/2014 17:46

Friend could simply have taken the wellies off and made her son obey the house rules instead of trying to make OP jump through hoops. OPs kid has to take off his shoes so ridiculous to break rule for mucky wellies and mum who won't even bother trying, thus stressing out her pregnant mate whose in pain and has just moved house.
Of corse kid and mucky wellies were kept at the front door! Because friend didn't even bother trying to take them off. And when she didn't get her own way she stomped off in a huff. And her DH thought she was wrong too. Presumably he knows her and their DS and OP better than you, mouse

squoosh · 24/11/2014 17:46

Great Welly Rebellion of 2014.

squoosh · 24/11/2014 17:47

The Cream Carpet Conflict.

squoosh · 24/11/2014 17:47

The Mud Revolt.

usualsuspect333 · 24/11/2014 17:49

It's horrible really to want your mate of 20 years to get a public kicking.

That's MN entertainment for you though.

americanpancake · 24/11/2014 17:56

837 posts about wellies on a carpet?!!

squoosh · 24/11/2014 17:57

The Welly-Carpet Skirmish

Gruntfuttock · 24/11/2014 18:01

If the child won't tolerate his shoes being removed, why does anyone think he would tolerate his boots being washed while he's wearing them?

Gruntfuttock · 24/11/2014 18:01

I meant boots not shoes of course.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 18:02

The Mud Slinger (s)

But this is what I mean, the friend with the toddler has been met at the door by this woman who think so little of her she has come on here to expose her to all these posters with intimate texts too.

So I dont think op really likes this woman and holds her in little regards and does in fact think more of her carpet than her friend, and therefore deserves what the friend said.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 18:04

maybe it was easier to wipe/wash the boots as friend said, than wrestle child out of them.

maybe she wanted a few moments of peace and chat and knew it would finish her off to be wrestling with him again.

wrestling with toddler is hard work, very physical and tiring.

usualsuspect333 · 24/11/2014 18:07

Carpet before Mate Gate?

KatieKaye · 24/11/2014 18:09

And equally the friend thinks so little of OP and all she is going through that she cannot be bothered to make the tiny gesture of taking the wellies off.

Maybe OP just wanted a few minutes of chat and knew it would finish her off to be worrying about the child and his mucky wellies and a new house and a mum who so self-absorbed she wont even try taking the wellies because it's easier for her.

LittleBearPad · 24/11/2014 18:11

Pulling welly boots off is a piece of piss, he's three ffs. Putting them back on again could be somewhat more challenging but she would have had to do this post tea and catch up when she might have calmed down a bit.

She didn't even try or ask the kid if she could take them off, then she had a strop and made a fool of herself. Her DH told her the same too.

Yarp · 24/11/2014 18:16

What a fuss about nothing

OP. Is it possible that you might have tried to find out why your friend behaved so uncaharacteristically before slagging her off on here?

Vycount · 24/11/2014 18:18

AMouse... I used to own a very nice B+B. People did indeed walk through with their shoes on. Funnily enough though, most people who arrived with obviously dirty shoes, walking boots or wellies would take them off without asking or being asked and leave them in the hallway. I always thought how nice and considerate they were... Hmm

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 24/11/2014 18:18

Did someone seriously wonder how it's possible to get muddy in London?

Gruntfuttock · 24/11/2014 18:19

There are parks, woods and grassy verges in London.

FrontForward · 24/11/2014 18:20

AMouseLivedinaWindMill Mon 24-Nov-14 15:19:26
well i just think this thread highlights whats wrong with our society in UK, a friend turns up, stressed with difficult toddler, and wants to pop in, she tries to work round ops request and is met with a flat no, and the carpets are put first

Late to the thread but Grin Yes being asked to remove wellies from a three year old is a pivotal moment for society.

Or maybe not

Yarp · 24/11/2014 18:20

Just love how one incident can lead people to conclude that one incident is some indicator of deeper societal malaise. So Daily Mail