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Original poster

To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

999 replies

Mammanat222 · 23/11/2014 17:34

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

OP posts:
AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 15:19

well i just think this thread highlights whats wrong with our society in UK, a friend turns up, stressed with difficult toddler, and wants to pop in, she tries to work round ops request and is met with a flat no, and the carpets are put first.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 15:19

she offered to wipe boots or go straight to kitchen.

MonstrousRatbag · 24/11/2014 15:21

well i just think this thread highlights whats wrong with our society in UK

That's hilarious.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 15:22

why didnt op say "do you think it would be easier if I ask him to do it" instead she went straight for it, and I bet by this point....perhaps op wasnt coming across nicely to the son?

op has admitted she judges her friends parenting her friend is probably well aware of this.

honeslty how upset would any of you have been to walk out of a lunch?

cant you see thats the action of someone who could not take it?

I have some wonderful mummy friends and YES I have seen them have to abruptly leave various classes because they couldn't cope with their child that day at that moment.

KatieKaye · 24/11/2014 15:23

Stunned that anyone would even contemplate mucky willies running all over thousands of pounds worth of carpets to potentially avoid a tantrum that may not even happen.

If friend had advocated him throwing bricks at the TV because he'd have a tantrum otherwise, then would that be okay too?

The only message this sends is that the little boy gets away with doing what he wants, whenever he wants and that other people's feelings and possessions are irrelevant.

TheWordFactory · 24/11/2014 15:24

brenda I make no claim of being nice Wink.

I do however have both a lovely home and friends who I don't get into rows with over mudGrin

squoosh · 24/11/2014 15:24

'Stunned that anyone would even contemplate mucky willies running all over thousands of pounds worth of carpets'

That's why I never go to swingers parties. All those mucky willies on the carpets.

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 24/11/2014 15:25

she offered to wipe boots or go straight to kitchen

Not sure how many more ways I can explain this.

Boots were filthy, would have needed to be removed to be cleaned properly. A wipe wouldn't have been enough and kitchen isn't child proofed just yet. Not that a lively 3 year old would have sat in the kitchen when the is a room full of toys upstairs.

This is completely detracting from the fact I asked very nicely and explained why I wanted shoes off.

This isn't about being precious or putting carpet above friendship, this is about common sense surely?

Is there anyone who can hand on heart say they'd have welcomed them in mud and all in my situation? #

My toddler is difficult, Hell my life is difficult but that doesn't mean I develop a complete disregard when it comes to other peoples homes.

OP posts:
AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 15:26

I bet in the first instance when she turned up at the door the last thing she was thinking about was ops cream carpet regimen.

I bet she just wanted to get in.

Then met with carpet requests, she did try and offer to compromise.

I would love to know what the boy had on his boots that op doesn't think a quick wipe would have sorted? they are in London not the countryside?

KatieKaye · 24/11/2014 15:28

Friend did not "try to work around requests" - she refused to take the wellies off because it didn't work for her.
wiping would be ineffective.
as stated several times, kitchen was not an option.
You don't get to override householders reasonable requests because you can't be arsed taking a pair of wellies on and off. So he tantrums? SO what. Don't be so stupid as to put wellies on him, knowing you are going to visit. Lots of way friend could have actually worked around it, but they would have involved her putting in effort.

friend was trying to manipulate OP into getting her own way and didn't give a damn about anything else.

even her own DH told her she was unreasonable and he has a better insight into the situation than any of us posting here!

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 24/11/2014 15:31

Boots clearly hadn't been cleaned for a while. My DS's wellies are pretty caked and live in the hallway, until I get a chance to give them a proper clean.

(what is it with the autocorrect on here - wellies for willies?)

In any event I think this thread is done now and its just going round in circles now.

I have taken on board what people have said, hence me not telling my friend to fuck off in anger, and I feel I have been the bigger person to some degree. I sent a few messages, tried to offer the olive branch.

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 24/11/2014 15:33

SO what if friend just wanted to get in?

Why does that entitle her to try to overrule an sensible request? Why does her toddler kicking off mean that she gets to do whatever she wants even if it impacts negatively on other people? that is so selfish.

It wasn't up to friend to offer a compromise, because OP was quite clear - the wellies had to come off and the child could not be left in the kitchen. There wasn't an alternative that OP felt was workable.

Also - OP has a DC. S/He is made to take their shoes off. Of course she can't have one rule for them and another for this child. What possible reason couLd she give - "well, you have to take your shoes off because we don't wear shoes in the house and crying isn't going to change things. But this little boy's mummy says he doesn't want to take his dirty wellies off and that he'll scream so we'll just let him do what he wants."

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 24/11/2014 15:34

That's why I never go to swingers parties. All those mucky willies on the carpets

That did just make me laugh out loud, Squoosh Grin

LittleBearPad · 24/11/2014 15:36

Shoes are one thing, dirty welly boots quite another. Anyone who didn't offer to take dirty boots off before entering anyone else's home would be bloody rude, regardless of whether new carpets are down or not. Wellies are easy to get on and off a three year old even if they then do have the mother of all tantrums.

squoosh · 24/11/2014 15:39

In any event I think this thread is done now and its just going round in circles now

That's for sure!

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 15:39

Why does her toddler kicking off mean that she gets to do whatever she wants even if it impacts negatively on other people? that is so selfish

because they both know the son is difficult with mum and its not fun is it, trying to do anything when your toddler is kicking off and your exhausted

I mean this is ops friend of 20 years op has come out with one cafe incident I would like to assume op does actually like this woman, and she is normally respectful.

I think op knows she is also being UB and knows her friend was at end of tether.

I just have more sympathy with the door step stressed out mum, hoping to just get in then do whatever, than the mum on the other side, protecting her carpets and your wanting to send 20 years down the swannie over your carpets, again illustrates how much you think of those dammed cream carpets.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 15:42

Anyone who didn't offer to take dirty boots off before entering anyone else's home would be bloody rude, regardless of whether new carpets are down or not

I had a bloody rude DB stomp in my house after a wet walk to the river and did relive his muddy boots over my floors ( wood) and rug.

we didnt notice until his DW did and apologised profusely, we lived, we coped, we picked up the mud and hovered and it was all over in a few moments, with no harsh words or ending of relations, or damage.

LittleBearPad · 24/11/2014 15:47

Wooden floors and rugs are a damn sight easier to clean than fitted carpet.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 24/11/2014 15:51

OP, when did you and your friend just stop liking each other?

If you were rally friends you would have been kinder and she would have apologised. Maybe you should change this thread'so title to "To tell my acquaintance to...."

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 24/11/2014 15:52

Really, not rally...

OTheHugeManatee · 24/11/2014 15:55

Best bunfight for ages Grin

Cream carpets, permissive parenting and frenemies - surely a MN hat-trick?

Aeroflotgirl · 24/11/2014 15:57

A mouse what if her ds wanted to throw missile at the tv, or run about with op knives. Children need boundaries. Op was in the right, it's her house her rules.

farewellfigure · 24/11/2014 15:57

I had poo brown carpets once. Best buy ever. Poo didn't show up. Nor did mud, chocolate, cat effluvia, dirt, dust...amazing. Hardly ever had to hoover. I still would have expected someone to take their shoes off though as it was a vair vair nice carpet. It looked as good 5 years later as the day we bought it.

Sorry, irrelevant.

pictish · 24/11/2014 15:57

Mouse

KatieKaye · 24/11/2014 15:59

Yes, a 20 year friendship does normally mean you are considerate to someone who has just moved house and is still sorting things out, who is pregnant and has SPD and also has other family issues to deal with. Dealing with one toddler is nothing compared to all that. It's also symptomatic of how self-absorbed and inconsiderate the friend is. Even her husband agrees!