To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

Thewordfactory - and yet, you have joined in with it, slinging the dirt about yourself...because you're so above all this.
You're funny.

Wordfactory can I ask what colour your carpets are then? Unless they are mud brown then they will show the mud surely? The carpets being cream is really no different from them being light green, light blue whatever.

I can't imagine that many posters had mud brown carpet out of choice.

No I don't ask people to remove their shoes either in general but I would if the wearer was 3 and trotting around in muddy wellies and I'd just spent several hundred pounds (maybe more) on new carpet.

Christ, no one actually wanders around other people's houses (or their own) with muddy wellies on do they? Not adults, not children.

Everything else about shoes on or off houses is just verbiage. No one wears muddy wellies indoors. Intransigent three year olds are no exception.

pictish it makes not the least difference what I say to you or other posters.

We are not friends and neither of us are relating private messages sent from friends.

That is a course of behaviour from someone with no interest in their 'friend'.

TheWord, the other 'friend' has no interest in op.

ici maybe she doesn't want to be confined to her house. Maybe she thought she could go round to a good friends house, and perhaps her good friend, knowing she has a hard time with her son, might understand and on this occasion do as she asks and let her son stay in the kitchen for a couple of minutes while she has a tour of the new carpet.

Who said she had to be confined to her house? Since when was going to OP's house her one and only option? She could, for instance, have done as someone else has suggested and asked OP out for a walk, or she could have taken her child out for a walk. Or she could have transported her child in a buggy with no boots on.

Do you seriously think she only intended to spend two minutes at friend's house?

I think that the OP has been very restrained and acted in a dignified manner both in regards to her friends' behaviour and to some of the frankly bonkers opinions on this thread.

winter we have wooden and stone floors... But that's besides the point.

If one of my friends asked me to let him in to avoid a tantrum then I would do so whatever my floor covering. Because 20 year old friendships have to be worth more than mud!

And you think posting details of private texts and emails is dignified? Really?

Or this thread title?

The op probably found it baffling that merely asking a child nicely with offering of toys etc to help get the boots removed easily was such a bad thing to do.

Word I'm sure that when the OP initially requested that the child remove her boots she had no idea that the situation would escalate in this manner though.

Your wooden and stone floors aren't beside the point though because maybe you have never experienced the delight and luxury of brand new carpets. I wouldn't care either if I had stone floors throughout (I have in the kitchen so happy to be mud covered there).

I think the OP has remained dignified considering this has run to 30 pages and a lot of it is utter rubbish.

Lastly the question of whether or not situations like this should be posted on an open forum is another debate.

She doesn't use MN - as I have said several times - ironically she finds it low rent!

Says it is full of spiteful, gossipy, judgemental women who have nothing better to do than bitch

Icimoi yes, she could've taken him in a buggy. But she was invited round to look at the house, and only asked to leave him in kitchen for two minutes while she did that, not that the visit itself was that short.

I don't think op is bu asking for shoes off, at all, but her reaction of ending the friendship etc is way ott.

HumblePie, I think there may now be several people who don't like the sound of you after that post
They're welcome. When it gets to several thousand, or they take arms, let me know. At present, people are just glad I said it for them.

Word it is obvious the child needs boundaries, he needs to learn that he takes his shoes off in doors. The father has stated he needs boundaries, what about friend respecting op and her house. Its a bugger cleaning mud off carpets, I have done it after mine have forgotten to take their shoes off. Hopefully op and her friend will sort things out, next time this won't happen as friend realises op does not want shoes in doors.

Well if she is trying to find a solution to her troubles and types in weeklies and tantrums into her search engine, an MN post comes up on the first page.

From there it's a hop to this thread ... Where she will find her private business splashed for all to see ...

No that's not good Word agree.

TheWord - this is an anonymous forum, so chances are, no-one knows OP or her friend in RL, so she's not exactly posting private details and asking the world to condemn. Mamma was clearly upset by the altercation and simply asked for other opinions.

I think Mamma has dealt with the situation very kindly, and clearly felt that a 20-yr friendship was not worth ending over it. But friendship works both ways, and the friend had not behaved well.

Cleaning mud off white/beige carpets is very difficult. These were not just normal mud free shoes, but muddy wellies, no doubt little Tarquin had been running in mud and jumping in puddles, sorry whoever you are, even if your The Queen, its shoes off!

Well then she'll learn very quickly that most posters think her behaviour is downright rude, and that her child needs boundaries, won't she word
Do her the world of good I think..

ici maybe she doesn't want to be confined to her house. Maybe she thought she could go round to a good friends house, and perhaps her good friend, knowing she has a hard time with her son, might understand and on this occasion do as she asks and let her son stay in the kitchen for a couple of minutes while she has a tour of the new carpet.

not wanting to be confined to your house is not a reason to expect OP to put up with dirty wellies over her new carpets.
Maybe OP thought her good friend would understand that nobody thinks its normal to allow a little boy to keep his wellies on indoors
Maybe OP thought that guests don't dictate to hosts over dirty footwear regardless of what type of flooring they have
As OP explained, the kitchen is not child-safe and there is no child-gate, thus making it impossible to leave the child there alone and impossible to guarantee that he would actually stay in there and not try to follow them all around the house and tramp dirt everywhere.

Friend should have done a she was asked and taken the damn wellies off and not made such a big issue of it. Having difficulty getting your toddler dressed doesn't mean you can be a selfish bitch to your pal who is probably going through a much more stressful time and doesn't need all that crap thown at her.

If one of my friends asked me to let him in to avoid a tantrum then I would do so whatever my floor covering. Because 20 year old friendships have to be worth more than mud!

i agree with all words posts and this too ^

A friend turns up, having hard time, stressed with a difficult 3 year old boy...she wants to pop in. and is stopped by you being prissy at the door, the last thing on her mind is your carpets and the new life changes involved in keeping them pristine.

I can just imagine her being at the end of her tether, wet fed up, looking forward to a cup of tea and she is met with carpet gate.

We are a shoes on house, but YES I remind us all to take shoes off when its been wet.

However even with cream carpets, I just wouldnt insist to the stressed friend like that.

even cream carpets can be cleaned

Yes friendship works both ways, there is give and take.

LOL at OP being unreasonable because she has the poor taste to have cream carpets instead of stone and wooden floors . May we extrapolate from that that those with stone and wooden floors must be much nicer people than their carpeted friends?

What about op, who is heavily pregnant, has SPD, and new carpets, where's here respect. She offered to help take child's wellies off.