To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

True, but I'd have left with an apology over my DC's lack of manners, not muttered comments about the OP.

squoosh "That pile of deserted shoes looks a bit creepy. Like the Marie Rose but with shoes."

Only issue is trying to find your shoes at the end of the night with a bottle of wine down you!

They are both in the wrong! Now lets stop all this nonsense and go to bed wearing our wellies

That the carpets are cream really doesnt matter. They are NEW. unless you chose them to match the local mud, then mud is going to show, and even darker colors can stain, depending on the mud. (rumor was someone in the red clay neighborhood I grew up in had done just that for the back hall, where the kids came in!)

Why are posters saying "it's not worth losing a 20 year friendship over"
No it's not but your friend is obviously not respecting your reasonable request. Apart from the trouble she's having with her dc dressing it seems there's more to her reaction. Could be jealousy, could be something she's not telling you. She's definitely over reacted.

I dont think the OP is in the wrong at all.

The friend was being a straight fucking thick DIV! Ffs irrelevent of the colour of the carpet it's brand spanking new and yet she expects the op to not mind her toddler walk on it with muddy wellies cos she can't be fadged to take them off.

My carpet is old and minging but I still wouldn't want anyone walking on it with muddy footwear on.

If I had new cream carpets, asked friend to take wellies off, friend said no, I would be irked. I wouldn't insist they did it. Its poor manners, as is refusing a polite request to take your shoes off imho cheerful

I personally take my shoes off in ANY house I go to regardless of what was on the floor, 1 million percent if it was a brand new clean carpet. Some people just aren't this way though and I think if it happens in your family or whatever you do it but my partners family never do anywhere and it wouldn't ever cross their minds. You asked politely and she should of done as you asked, you may have come across as a bit over the top and she probably didn't like the way you continued to ask when she said no but she was rude in the first place tbh. Her comments make her sound jealous of you and it appears she thinks you believe you are better than her and you've probably been annoying her with these little things for a little while? Hope it works out ok!

People would honestly be happy (maybe slightly irked) for a friend to walk over their new carpets with muddy wellies? The idea of it is just bizarre!

I hope the op's friend realised she was being ott and they both laugh about it later. Sounds like a bit of stress going on elsewhere is the cause of her biting the op's head off.

I'm very much in the shoes on camp but even I think that wellies on a wet day should be removed - whatever the flooring.

Was your friend just on a quick visit on her way somewhere else OP? As if so I can kind of see that if she'd already had a fight getting his boots on she might have thought it wasn't worth another battle just for a 5 minute visit, and so decided to head off. (though she could've been more polite about it).

Just been to friends for the weekend. Rained nonstop and was mucky out. The thought of us all just walking into her house and over her rugs and carpets with our wet and mucky shoes is just so gross and rude. The place would be a clatty mocket mess. Such a lack of respect.

Fgs! My dc's have ran through the house with their pals without thinking loads of times and dirtied the carpet. Very annoying but not life and death. The ops friend was really out of order calling her names and that is the bigger issue I think. That this thread had turned into a bunfight over carpets is bizarre!

clatty mocket mess

It's not worth falling out over and when she gets over herself you can make a joke out of it and laugh at her stupidity.

'Hey remember when you came for a visit when I'd just moved in and I'd just had the new carpet laid and you expected me to let your young un christen it with his muddy wellies on. Wtf were you on that day?'

To me it's a bit different because it's a child. An adult refusing to take off their shoes I can't imagine...surely one wouldn't!

But a child...my own children have been stroppy with me before but if another adult asked them to do the same thing, they'd do it. Same with me and DC that are not my own. So yes I'd probably cheerfully insist that a child took their shoes off in my home.

True, I do ask my sons friends to take their shoes off when they visit andif they said no I would find them rude.

YADNBU

I haven't read all the replies, but I think she sounds like a complete and utter loon. (This coming from a mum of a 7 and an 11 year old and well adverse to recent toddler years)
Just take your kid's shoes off in another house! Christ almighty.
I don't always insist on people taking off here, but I don't mind at other peoples if we have to.
Don't see the issue myself. It's only shoes at the end of the day.

I don't think it's a boots on thing at all. Not with such snippy comments about her child. Sounds like you just don't like him. Bloody hell, mine doesn't always wear coats in the winter and sometimes boots in the summer. Yes he has almighty meltdowns because he has sensory issues. Getting boots on and off may be massively challenging if her child is similar but no. Let's just blame her pissing parenting. Ra ra ra... Wouldn't let my child rule the roost like that. Fucking hip hurray for you then.

Sounds like your friend was having a bad day with her three yo. I can understand that if it took her an hour to get him dressed in the first place, that she wouldn't want to risk taking his boots off. But she was still rude - and besides, you could have helped her both with taking them off and getting them back on! Much easier to do with 2 adults, even if the child is kicking off.

Bit of unreasonableness on both sides here - her for her rudeness, both at the time and in the texts later; and you for your failure to understand that her child might be so challenging that she is bone tired of dealing with him, and your insistence that she face another challenge was too much for her.

You would definitely be U to tell her to fuck off at this stage. Wait until she has calmed down and then have a chat with her, see if there is anything else bothering her as well, or if it's just her child being more unmanageable than even you can see.

Try to let your offendedness go, unless you have honestly decided that this friendship has run its course.

It is the most trampy unhygienic thing to walk around in shoes in a flat SPECIALLY one that has carpet.
You are right here, not her and secondly
YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES.
It really isn't hard to put boots on a child

What utter cock. It's very hard to put boots on some children or take them off, as piles of paperwork from the paediatrician would testify here.