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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

999 replies

Mammanat222 · 23/11/2014 17:34

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

OP posts:
LoisHatesChristmas · 23/11/2014 23:24

usual indeed! The friend was rude. The op was rude. Its all went bunfight city. Too many threads of this ilk lately.

islandmama · 23/11/2014 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect333 · 23/11/2014 23:27

I've never been in a shoes off house either.

LoisHatesChristmas · 23/11/2014 23:28

squoosh I take my shoes off if its been raining theyre dirty etc, would never TELL a guest to take theirs off, nor have i ever been asked too. Only on mumsnet is it such a big hoo hah!

AliceLidl · 23/11/2014 23:30

I don't think the OP does care more about the carpet than the friendship.

But I imagine she cares quite deeply about the way she was spoken to afterwards, when the friend walked out and in the text messages that followed.

OP is pregnant (I think) and just moved house, which can be one of the most stressful things to do, she hasn't asked the impossible, just that people take off their wet/dirty shoes, and I'm sure she wasn't expecting the response she got from her friend. Who has, in the past, asked visitors to her own house to do exactly the same thing.

Friend does sound like things are getting her down, but from what the OP wrote this seemed to really blow up so quickly and out of nowhere, with the friend walking out. And the OP says she then messaged to ask her friend if she was okay and what was going on, and the friend was quite rude in her replies.

I think that this is what's getting to the OP, the things her friend said rather than the actual carpet.

usualsuspect333 · 23/11/2014 23:31

What happens in shoes off houses when you have a party?

EmperorTomatoKetchup · 23/11/2014 23:31

Well I'd say your subsequent posts are unreasonable as you seem to be gleefully sticking the knife into your sweet, kind friend of 20 years.

How is the little boys language and understanding? There certainly seems to be a few concerning red flags in his behaviour.

TotallySociallyInept · 23/11/2014 23:31

Usual and squoosh You can come to mine! But you wouldn't know as wouldn't tell you to take them.off Wink

squoosh · 23/11/2014 23:34

That's unfair Totally, I'd need a nod or a hand signal or something so I can bust out the fancy socks!

LoisHatesChristmas · 23/11/2014 23:35

alice Yes I think this is the issue, the op was a tad precious but didn't deserve the response from her friend. Its s very silly thing to list a friend over.

Krytes42 · 23/11/2014 23:35

Usual, when there's a party everyone sticks their shoes in the front hallway.

Bambambini · 23/11/2014 23:36

It's not that hard or strange

To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?
LoisHatesChristmas · 23/11/2014 23:37

*lose a friend over.
wearing fucking shoes on ones hand is a pain.Grin

TotallySociallyInept · 23/11/2014 23:38

Well if it's special socks!! I'll give you wink!
Would they be colourful fluffy ones?
We only have black socks in this house then I never have an odd oneBlush

squoosh · 23/11/2014 23:39

That pile of deserted shoes looks a bit creepy. Like the Marie Rose but with shoes.

squoosh · 23/11/2014 23:39

Or was it the Marie Celeste?

squoosh · 23/11/2014 23:41

I was thinking of these ones Totally.

To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?
TotallySociallyInept · 23/11/2014 23:41

Marie Celeste.Grin

Shoes stay on for adult partys here.

Pinkwillow · 23/11/2014 23:43

They might smell like Marie Rose.

usualsuspect333 · 23/11/2014 23:43

I can't imagine going to a party in my socks.

TotallySociallyInept · 23/11/2014 23:43

Now they are awesome!!
I'll give you the wink then

Nanny0gg · 23/11/2014 23:43

I think the OP or anyone being precious about their carpets has a stick up their arse, yes

Then you must have enough money not to care that something expensive has been ruined unnecessarily.

And if the OP or anyone else wants a cream carpet in their own home and prefers it isn't covered in mud I really don't think that's too much to ask.

CheerfulYank · 23/11/2014 23:44

YADNBU!

No shoes in my house either, and my floors are beat-to-shit 80 year old wood.

My two children are stroppy as (I have hopes currently gestating DC3 will be a placid child, but the have my doubts) and I can see them refusing to take off their wellies and kicking off, absolutely. But they'd be told in no uncertain terms to pack it in or we were leaving.

At some point children have got to learn manners and consideration for other people and their surroundings. I'm a part time child minder and the kids I care for leave their shoes at the door, clean up after themselves, and don't generally muck up my house beyond normal kid rough housing. It's not acceptable.

usualsuspect333 · 23/11/2014 23:49

The OPs mate did leave.

LoisHatesChristmas · 23/11/2014 23:50

nanny and cheerful fine but would you enforce and insist a guest removes their shoes? I just couldn't!