To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Surely all you shoes on people don't think. This applies to wellies in the frickin rain and mud?

[CommanderShepard]

It isn't a given that OP chose the carpets. She doesn't say whether she's bought or rented.

[PuzzleRocks]

Yanbu, she was rude, but I agree with others that there's possibly more to her frustration. I wouldn't fall out over it.

Oh and I have cream carpets throughout and two children under 8. So far so good, if anyone is likely to ruin them it's cack handed old me.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Floors are meant to be walked on in shoes. It is very 'hyacinth' to ask people to remove their shoes.

I believe it is a class thing

[squoosh]

I'm not going down the very boring shoes on/shoes off rabbit hole again, I just think it's ridiculous to ditch a valued 20 year friendship over a moment of rudeness and peevishness. If you're going to dump a friend at least let there be a good dramatic reason.

[enriquetheringbearinglizard]

No carpet or other indoor floor covering is suitable for tramping wet wellies over though.
Wellies are strictly outdoor and for inclement weather.

What kind of friend wants their child to tramp around indoors in wellies let alone in someone else's house and it doesn't matter what colour the carpets are if muck gets deposited on them, they get dirty whether it's obvious or not.

I'd just leave her be and see what happens.

Congrats on your new home by the way

[cherrybombxo]

My mum celebrated my brother and I being old enough not to destroy her house by buying a cream living room carpet. Three weeks later her friend kicked a glass of red wine onto it. There's never a good time to buy cream carpet, you must be mad!

Your friend was also out of order though, especially the rude texts afterwards.

[thesaurusgirl]

YADNBU.

Everyone knows Brand New Carpet etiquette. Even in homes where shoes are not removed, you take off your shoes in the presence of virgin carpet. People replace carpet once every decade, if that. Just because it's not going to stay pristine for long doesn't mean you shouldn't revel in its newness and cleanliness.

Your friend sounds very highly strung, and possibly a little jealous.

It's not really about carpet, though, is it? After an incident like this I would know forever more that this friend was thoughtless and inconsiderate of others, and it would sour the friendship for me unless she was extremely apologetic.

[NellysKnickers]

Your friend is a rude cow. Completely.

[honeysucklejasmine]

What's the big deal about the colour of the carpets? Even if it were black shudder I still would not want people wearing their muddy boots in my house, be they 3 or 30! OP isn't exactly asking to stand over the little lads feet with a cordless dyson... She's just asking he not traipse mud through her house.

And honestly, none of my friends are bothered by this, because none of them where shoes indoors either. Is it a North South thing or something? I'm not aware of anyone who wears outdoor shoes inside in RL.

[FuzzyWizard]

I don't think you're unreasonable to want boots off on the new carpets but it sounds like she'd had a tough morning. Would it really have been so bad for her, with her boots off, to carry him into the kitchen? Did the toddler actually need to walk on the carpet at all?

[WipsGlitter]

Yanbu. But it sounds like there is more going on with her that was nothing to do with this and she just snapped.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

If rented then I do get the problem as obviously it wasn't the OP's choice.

[McSqueezy]

I am a fool with cream carpets and 3 kids. Food/drinks stains, vomit, dust, and other marks with unknown causes will be your enemy for some time to come.

As for your friend...well I agree with those who said she has probably been fretting over something else. Perhaps she had a stressful morning getting ready and out of the house? An argument with her partner? Maybe she is jealous of your new home...or even your life. It does happen.

Take a time out and get try again when you're ready. I fell out with a friend I had known for over 10 years over something very silly. It is not worth it, if you can help it.

[BalloonSlayer]

Reply "I do not need to be wished good luck with two children and a cream carpet because my children have been brought up to understand that you do not wear filthy wellies in anyone's house. I think you should keep your good luck wishes for yourself to use on the future issues of getting ready for school on time, doing homework, following teacher's instructions etc, because if you cannot parent with enough authority to persuade a three year old to get dressed or take his boots off, and expect everyone else to waive the rules just for him, you're going to need it more than me."

[hadagutsfull]

Maybe she's got problems at the moment and is taking it out on you? We don't wear shoes in the house & I wouldn't let anyone wear wellies, cream carpet or not! Your house, your rules and all that. I would leave it a while and then ring to say you don't want to fall out over it but you would like her to respect your wishes in your house. Good luck

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

Floors are meant to be walked on in shoes. It is very 'hyacinth' to ask people to remove their shoes. I believe it is a class thing

In that case I'm very glad to be working class. Why would anyone want the dirt from outside trodden into their home?

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Honeysuckle - shoes on or shoes off has been covered in many mn threads - it is almost a popular area of debate as ff/bf

[rootypig]

Floors are meant to be walked on in shoes.

Is there something other than a floor a person might walk on?

Does this mean that you never ever take your shoes off?
Or perhaps you remove them at your bedside?

[Winterfable]

Yes all this horror over cream carpets, if they were light green, blue, whatever they would still be awful if covered in mud. In fact only a mud brown carpet wouldn't look too bad come to think of it.

[longtallsally2]

Actually, she has also made a choice if she has bought him wellies that are hard to get into. Wellies are made for slipping on and off easily.

It sounds as if she is really struggling and having a bad day and desperately wanted to collapse in your comfy home, without a battle with a 3 year old. However, YWNBU to want him to take his wellies off

[WhereTheWildlingsAre]

Who the hell marches around any house in muddy wet wellies?.... Let alone somebody else's..... Let alone one with a new carpet


YANBU and I am the least house proud person ever. She must have been having a bad day

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

You are both BU.

Tbh though I don't understand why people have cream carpets. It's a bit weird.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I would ask her if there's something going on as it's not like her to be so rude.

[squoosh]

No need to turn this into a shoes on/off debate. It's been thoroughly done this week. All opinions from all side can be found here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2237293-To-ask-visitors-to-take-their-shoes-off-before-coming-into-my-home?