To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

My carpets are shitty and old but I'd be fucked off if a guest refused to remove their child's muddy wellies.

[ChimesAndCarols]

That is a really brilliant reply BalloonSlayer. I love it.

[rootypig]

I am concerned with foot health, more than anything.

Does this make me a pleb?

But yes I see, asking a person to remove their shoes on entering your vast draughty castle might see unfair.

You would never see Lady Mary Crawley in her stockinged feet!

[TheFowlAndThePussycat]

TBH the not taking the wellies off is the least of it. It's the patronising holier than thou bollocks about not wanting her beloved PFB play in a house so full of rules and regulations that would have pissed me off. As if the OP is some kind of disciplinarian fiend because she wanted the child to take his boots off.

That would be enough to put me off someone, even if I had known them for 20 years.

[AryaOfHouseSnark]

This won't end well, it never does. Shoes on / shoes off, as with the other big issues is split in to 2 passionate camps.
I think your friend was being u. My Dts were stroppy welly fanatics, they used to wear them to bed sometimes, there is no way I would have behaved like that, even if I would inwardly groan about it.
It is your house, and yes your rules, why should you have to scrub your new carpet just because he doesn't want to take his willies off.

[WhereTheWildlingsAre]

at balloonslayer!

[IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes]

I'm in the take your fucking shoes off I'm my house I've got cream carpets camp.

Even my DS 3yrs knows to take his shoes off at the door.

A friend came round in pissing rain DS answered door as I was just getting out the bath her and 2kids walked in having just been over field, I told her to get her shoes off after fainting at the muddy foot prints! So that answered her question of how come my carpets are so clean and hers so manky.

I take my shoes off in other people's houses even if their floors are grim.

It's your home OP your rules, you don't buy a home for sake of accommodating others. Let your friend sulk.

[honeysucklejasmine]

MrsCampbell ah! One of the "being unreasonable for the sake of it" debates, where we all pretend to not understand the opposing side? Ha ha

[Pumpkinpositive]

"look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

Does she have problems getting him dressed normally that you're aware of, OP?

I wouldn't be making any more overtures towards her. You've already extended the olive branch and got bile for it.

Leave her to stew or calm down, whichever one. Balls in her court.

[squoosh]

I think ballonslayer's response is cringesome.

[OwlCapone]

You'd give up a 20 year friendship over a carpet?

I would give up a 20 year friendship over some plain nasty and bitchy behaviour from said friend, yes.

[LookingThroughTheFog]

Looking at it from your friends point of view, what you basically said to her was 'my new cream carpets are significantly more important to me than you and your son's comfort are.'

She took off her boots, she offered to clean her child's boots, she'd clearly made considerable effort to get him dressed and out to you, she was probably cold and wet because of the weather, and then you refused to let her enter. I can really see why she's pissed off to be honest.

Yes, she was rude to call you Hyacinth Bucket, but you were pretty rude to trample all over her parenting and directly ask her son to take off his boots. Particularly as just before, she'd clearly needed to use quite a lot of negotiation to get them on him.

[Mammanat222]

When we went carpet shopping we quickly realised that the only decent carpet would be a variation of cream (it's a dark version) but quite frankly even if it was mud coloured I'd still be asking for shoes off on a day it's pissing down with rain.

Please don't get fixated on the carpet colour, it's not the issue or point here?

I think the main thing for me is that my friend completely blew up out of nowhere and seems to think that can critique my parenting skills based on the fact I didn't want her child walking dirty shoes in my house.

I have never, ever criticised my friend and her choices but suffice to say we have very different parenting styles. If someone asks my child to remove his shoes then he would remove his shoes, end of.

It is odd that someone up thread asks if my friend is TTC as the first thing she said when I told her I was pregnant was "oh I wish I was pregnant" but no they aren't TTC as friend's partner doesn't want any more kids mainly due to how "hard" he finds their current child.

[rootypig]

I cannot believe that the shoes on/off camps are not united by the politeness in other people's homes movement.

I went to a family's house to interview them the other day and they had a note about shoes by the door (off please). This was helpful, as it removed the need for any awkward exchange.

Seriously though, we should all wear shoes as little as possible.

[WhereTheWildlingsAre]

I agree TheFowl. That comment suggests more behind this. Do you and she have big differences in parenting styles? Because the wells thing alone is not draconian.

[gobbynorthernbird]

If I were your friend I'd be pissed off with you if I'd said, 'we'll stay in the kitchen and look round another time' and you responded by talking directly to my toddler. Unless, of course, the kitchen has cream carpets as well.

[SaucyJack]

If she does have problems getting her son dressed then I can't possibly imagine where he gets his stroppy, awkward streak from.

[passmethewineplease]

I think your friend is BU.

Doesn't matter what colour your carpets, you don't wear muddy wellies inside, isn't that blindingly obvious?

Sounds like something else could be on her mind and she took it out on you and your carpet.

[OwlCapone]

I have laminate flooring and old dark carpet but I would still expect people to take off wet, dirty footwear in the hallway.

[Mariposa10]

Shoes on in dry weather is completely different to wellies on in wet weather! I wouldn't want wellies on my floor and I don't have carpet?! She was and has been rude and if I were the OP I wouldn't apologise.

[thatsn0tmyname]

YANBU. I have cream carpets and small children and we also have a shoes off policy. Sounds like she and he had a bad morning plus some crappy rainy traffic to get to you. Forget.

[rootypig]

OP YANBU to ask her to remove shoes, but YABU to wilfully ignore all these clear indicators that your friends is having a terrible time.

Their current child has put her partner off having any more children, children she would apparently quite like, and you are (are you?) currently pregnant?

[HelpMeGetOutOfHere]

Seriously. What is it about MN that one person says something and the rest follow suit and plough in with the kids and cream carpets rhyme?

So what if the carpets were poo brown colour. It's still op's house and she has politely asked for everyone to remove shoes. The key word there being everyone I assume that includes her own dc.

I have never come across people feeling that the guest has the right to overrule any rules that they don't agree with in real life only on mumsnet should we be so accommodating to grumpy ignorant self important arseholes.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Rude and ridiculous, who the hell thinks wellies on carpet whatever the colour is a good idea?

[Pumpkinpositive]

TBH the not taking the wellies off is the least of it. It's the patronising holier than thou bollocks about not wanting her beloved PFB play in a house so full of rules and regulations that would have pissed me off.

I didn't really get that part. I thought the friend had come to view the new house. She appears to think she'd come round so her son could play in it. How odd.

Do I detect the faintest whiff of jealousy towards OP and her "two kids" that friend keeps referring to?