To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

Thanks Squoosh!

I think the OP or anyone being precious about their carpets has a stick up their arse,yes.

I think the problem is that the little child is a little dictator and you didn't bow down to his demands. You weren't a walk over. The mother is now being rude because it's easier to point the finger at you rather then reflect on her own parenting.

^this

We're pretty relaxed in our house, wooden floors throughout so no carpet issues, but generally take our shoes off when we get in. If we visit anyone for the first time I always ask if they would like us to take our shoes off. And usually when people visit us for the first time they do the same. And then you go with whatever the host says, it's just politeness, I don't see 'rules' coming into it anywhere, it's respect for someone else's home!

I'm all for making people feel welcome but I draw the line at washing dirty wellies because a badly behaved 3 year old refused to remove his wellies in somebody else's house!!!

YANBU. I do not know anybody who wouldn't remove their child's shoes without asking, let alone the display today. Other people's homes (and their attempts to keep them nice) should be respected.
I say this as owner of a pale carpet, which stays pale as all five of us and all guests remove shoes on climbing stairs. never had a problem with this.

My youngest has a high instep so I buy wellies 2 sizes bigger too.

Anyone who gives more of a shit about their carpets than a 20 year friendship needs to get a bloody life.

That's when you act like a parent, ignore the tantrum and make them do what you want them to do

Exactly! It's called parenting.

I am a shoes on person. So are the people I know. However if a pal had a new carpet I would be the first to say "shall I take my shoes off?" Who wants to be the first person to ruin a carpet. I don't tred through shit usually without knowing, but sodds law would make it on that visit.

But I love my friends and know them. If she is thAt stressed then I would second guess there maybe a problem with the request.

YANBU - wouldn't dream of going to a friends place, whatever the colour of the carpet, and not take off mine and DC shoes. Simples. Who wants outdoor muck traipsed through the house?
No shoes policy is pretty standard IME, and is irrelevant here anyway. Your house, your rules xx

Some off these comments are like a witchhunt! And 3 years turning into dictators when they grow up
FWIW it was not the child who refused to take his boots off when you read it. The friend probably left as OP asked him to take them off which he prob would have done and Friend didn't want to have to deal with the consequences off getting them back on again.

Oh the perfect bloody parents have arrived now.

I'm off.

Usual, so you are happy with anyone to walk through your house with mucky or dog shit boots? And you actually have friends who think it's would be ok to do this? And all this on someone's new carpet? Right!

Blimey, I'm the least fussy most unhorse proud person I know but I wouldn't dream of letting my child go onto a new carpet in wellies!! How unbelievably rude! If you are in someone else's house you tespect their rules and their possessions!!

Anyone who gives more of a shit about their carpets than a 20 year friendship needs to get a bloody life.

So the three year old can do what it wants, the friend can do what she wants, but the OP can't? Just because they've been friends for 20 years?!? Nice(!)

Unhouseproud obviously!!

Your carpet, your rules!

It's hardly being a smug "perfect parent" usual! It's basic manners!

'Your house your rules' xx?

What the fuck happened to MN?

I think I know what's at the nub of it usually. Historically shoes off has been very working class. Posh people would have had someone else to clean. And the middle classes ape the upper classes. Also houses were colder- wall to wall carpeting is relatively modern. So it really would have been an imposition to ask someone to take their shoes off. My mother blanched when a boyfriend removed his shoes automatically as it seemed a) familiar and b) wc.
So it's always been seen as 'Hyacinth Bouquet' to ask for shoes off.
But now many of us have lived overseas or have friends brought up in other countries where its very uncouth to wear shoes inside and quite practically do so at home and plan out houses on the understanding that others will take them off.
YANBU, friend was.
Gavel.

Well I suppose the vast majority of visitors would be only too happy to respect such a basic rule so you'd never have to get all snotty about it.

Call me a child-abuser,but I'd have plonked his bum on the doormat and cheerily pulled the boots off. Tour over,I'd cheerily stick them back on his feet. Your friend clearly has other personal problems,and I'd find out what those might be. Ending the friendship is silly.

Can't wait to come across a shoes-off house. I'll buy some fancy socks in anticipation of the grand occasion. It might be a while though as I'm 36 and yet to meet one.