To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

YaNbu. She sounds awful!!

I think you have both been unreasonable.
I have cream carpets dcs and cat and dog.
I do expect everyone to take there shoes off. But I never ask them, if someone doesn't they have usually wiped there feet so no biggy as a one off. my mother taught me that manners are about making the people around you comfortable and at ease. So in your circumstance yes I think it's fine and normal to ask your friend to remove wellies, but she gave you (as a 20 year old friend) cause to stop and read a situation. She is struggling with her child she reminded you of that asked for alternatives. (You can have your opinion on her parenting skills). If this was my good friend, I would have said yes carry him to the kitchen pop him over the sink and I'll help you wash the wellies and dry them. Then let him play so you could ask how she was? One small child in clean dry wellies for an hour or so wouldn't of damaged the carpet. (then if you didn't want to it to happen again don't have them.over until he has grown out of it) I don't think the issue was taking the wellies off from what you said I think it would have been when it came to getting them back on. I would not of undermined her either by asking the child to take them off.
I think she is being unreasonable with the texts.

You are both unreasonable. However the host should be hospitable, and I would try and find a compromise.

I am on the fence with this, one foot with a shoe.

Good grief, you weren't asking her to strip him naked, just take his filthy boots off FFS! No way he would have been coming in my house with dirty boots on. She does sound jealous of you. Hope she thinks better of it all and apologises to you.

Cannot believe there are people on here who are telling you you're unreasonable to have cream carpets in YOUR OWN HOME! Back off, carpet police!

My friend has a box of wellies at her back door going into the garden. Her house rules are if it's required ie wet and muddy etc to,pick a pair of wellies that fit, play in the garden and then take wellies off when you come in and go,back inside. My kids actually kind of like this rule and automatically do it without a second thought when they go round. It kind of makes them feel special and part of that family for the day because they are abiding by their rules. I've known this friend for 25 years and didn't bat an eyelid when it first happened I just though it was an ingenious idea.

Totallysociallyinept. How have you managed to keep a cream carpet with a dog.? I had to pull ours up as the wet paws ruined ours - it's a big dog mind you and the only way into the house was to cross the living room.

Everyone I know removes shoes (and their kids' shoes on entering someone else's house). Including workmen, close friends or acquaintances. I expect people to remove their shoes (and they do as second nature). I always remove my shoes and my kids' shoes on entering someone's house. I've never had to ask, in fact I've sometimes insisted on leaving shoes on if the kids are running through to play in the garden.

YANBU and your friend is a cow. I'm glad she fully understood that she was either removing her kid's shoes or not coming in. And I'd have told her exactly that if she hadn't left.

She sounds jealous to me. We have cream carpets (new house, bought with cream carpets) and a 5 year old snd 2 year old. They wear slippers in the house and remove shoes at the front door. What's so hard or unusual about that?

The shoes off thread during the week showed us that some people don't know anyone who has a shoes on house and others (including me) don't know anyone who operates a shoes off house.

I think the difference between the goose poo/dog vomit episodes and the one the OP described is that those things were accidents and unavoidable, whereas the friend allowing her son to keep wet, dirty boots on would have been deliberate and avoidable.

I do agree the friend sounds at the end of her tether with something, but the OP wasn't unreasonable to want to keep something as expensive as carpets clean or to ask her friend to take off their shoes. It's her that has to clean them or live with the damage to them and I don't think anyone would be best pleased to have something so new and expensive marked or damaged when it could have been avoided.

PS at 3 years old He's old enough to be doing as he's told for certain things ie taking shoes off in someone's house (ie respecting others) or putting boots on to go outside (you'll get wet feet if you don't?!)

Dog towel kept in draw near the door

Well you know ,sometimes 3 year olds don't do as they are told and kick off.

I think wellies on in the summer and coat off in the winter is fine. Leaving the cafe when tantrumming is fine but she should have told you and paid for your meal too. Taking shoes off is a normal rule to abide by. This isn't about wellies and a carpet though. I think the problem is that the little child is a little dictator and you didn't bow down to his demands. You weren't a walk over. The mother is now being rude because it's easier to point he finger at you rather then reflect on her own parenting.

Squoosh can you direct me to that thread - I find it very strange that people wouldn't remove shoes to walk in the house. They're so dirty. Could have dog dirt or anything in them. But I guess if it's dry outside and you wipe your feet then it's not s big deal (although I personally still think shoes are dirty).

But i believe that anyone from a "shoes on" house would still remove filthy wellies in the own home or others'... No?

If she's having problems with her DS then she should be teaching him etiquette! Letting him wear shoes when he's been told to take them off will cause problems in his behaviour further down the line

Obviously some people were lucky enough not have a threeager. I was lucky to get one who was and one who wasn't. Some days it just doesn't matter what you do it is just wrong.

I feel for the poor woman. She has a three year old who is hard work, would probably like another baby and can't have one and is probably just at the end of her tether.

Yes she was rude but equally she's probably really very unhappy. Cut her some slack.

Obv people take off muddy shoes and boots. All your questions answered here Jemima. Strongly held views on both sides, both sides see the other as strange.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2237293-To-ask-visitors-to-take-their-shoes-off-before-coming-into-my-home?

Yeah,you're right Usual. That's when you act like a parent, ignore the tantrum and make them do what you want them to do. Otherwise the three year old becomes the sixteen year old who is head and shoulders above mum telling her how to run her house and ignoring everything she says because he's learned she doesn't expect respect.

Lots of kids visit my house and not one has refused to take his shoes off. They occasionally refuse to put thier shoes on after a playdate though because they don't want to leave. Refusing to put thier shoes in does not result in them being able to play longer.

I haven't read all the comments - in fact am shocked there are 17 pages of them!

I always asked whether I need to take my shoes off and if the homeowner is not wearing shoes then I take mine off even if they say it doesn't matter. I always made the DC when they were younger take off their shoes in anyone's house especially if it was raining.

For those who have all commented how stupid the OP is to have cream carpets. Unless you have a a really dark colour (which then shows up every bit of fluff and looks bloody horrible) there are loads if colours that are too light - it's ridiculous.

Jeez some of you talk bollocks.

Usualsuspect, someone doesn't have to have a stick up their arse to not want their carpets ruined.

Imagine the OP had grown up without much money and had always wanted a lovely home. Now she is able to afford that and she loves to have the things in it that she admired when she was younger. They might not be practical, but for her they represent the miles she's come since her youth.

Now imagine someone coming into her house with muddy wellies and, despite being asked not to, walks all over the new carpet, ruining it.

Do you really think the OP would have a stick up her arse about house rules, then? Or might you think her friend was incredibly rude to ruin, or not care about ruining, her new carpet?

Oh yeah the old,don't remove your shoes when you are 3 and end up going off the rails as a teenager thing.

I've heard that before on MN.

I don't have any carpets and I would ask them to take wellies off.

tyaca Sun 23-Nov-14 19:56:34

Sorry, have only read to page 4 but am assuming the boy has wide feet/ high instep? it can be really bloody awful getting wellie boots on at that age if your feet don't conform. i know it was that way with my son.