To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

It's never happened,my mates and family don't have a stick up their arse about their house rules.

If it's taking her ages to get him dressed, and is frightened of taking his wellies off, then she is doing something radically wrong with her child.

^^ This. He sounds like a spoilt brat (providing he has no additional needs) and his mother has let him get out of control.

I certainly wouldn't allow muddy wellies in my house and I don't have any cream carpets. How rude of her!

" Lillieshill Sun 23-Nov-14 18:29:32
Giles, you can actually wipe Welles clean, tread and all. Especially if they are wet from concrete London pavements rather than muddy from following the local Hunt."

Really? Have you seen how much dog poo there is on London streets? And you can always guarantee dc will step in some! A quick wipe would not do anything to clean the tread of wellies!

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

Then it sounds as though there is something going on in her life.You cut her some slack and give her some time.

Yes, would definitely agree there is loads more dog shit on the streets of London than anywhere else. And we so have parks and heaths etc that require the wearing of wellies, you know. It's not all grim concrete! (But when it is concrete, it's a smattered in shit, that I grant you.)

I've usually got odd holey socks on,too

I'm definitely coming round yours then, usualsuspect333 (As long as you don't have a poncey low dining table.)

OP YANBU. Your friend was rude, inconsiderate and had no respect for the fact you have just spent a lot of money.

It is you house and therefore your rules are the only ones that matter.

Your friend does owe you an apology.

YANBU - she is, regardless of how long it took her to get him dressed, regardless of 'three being a difficult age'. She clearly didn't think that she was BU in expecting ANY person to be alright walking through any new home wth footwear generally considered to be outdoors. We have tiled and wooden floors and easily cleaned but still, why endure the hassle of cleaning when it takes seconds to remove shoes?!?!
However, don't throw away a friendship because as you said, it is out of character. Allow her (and yourself) to calm down. She may have an explanation for her attitude and behaviour that although not excusable, but may help you understand that (hopefully!) it was a one-off and she may need some sort of support with a difficult situation that is affecting her judgement. It is tempting to slam the door in someone's face when they have pissed you off, but anger is our worst enemy.

agree with billyokey - who on earth walks in someone else's house with wellies on? Wellies are for walking through wet mucky places - that's their mission in life. They stay at the back of the door and keep their muck with them. I would have thought that most people wouldn't want to be walking mucky wellies across someone else's floor no matter what colour or age their carpet is. Walking dirt onto someone's house should be a cause for embarrassment. If your host asks you to remove your shoes, let alone wellies, you do it without arguing or you are showing disrespect - its their house, their rules. Simple as.

Sometimes friendships just get a bit sour - we are all human and we change over time. The changes start to rub up against each other and you can find that you aren't the good personality fit you used to be.

If she can't be happy and excited about your new carpet for you - even the little bit it would take to make her want to protect it from her kid's wellies - then there is something wrong with your friendship and its bigger than just your carpet. What you saw is a symptom, not the disease.

Think about how you and your place in the world have changed over the last year or so. What about hers? How do you think those changes might have made her feel? Is there anything you can do about it?

Is this seriously a thing? It's horrendously rude not to take shoes off in someone's home, unless you're specifically told to keep them on. OP should never have had to ask in the first place.

we have a very busy, very open house but have never had any need for house rules- but if we did, they would never be in the tone of the 'my house, my rules' shiz. it is terribly pompous and bossy.

no way would i buy cream carpet. but thats nothing to do with it really weather you have black carpet or cream carpet. its your house if you want people to take their shoes of then they should without question.

My house everyone has their shoes on buddy shoes in the hall foot prints every where. no one takes their shoes of.

my friend is the opposite she wants shoes of no matter what have to make sure socks/feet are clean as well. if i go to her house my and my kids shoes come of because its her home.

its a madness that your friend reacted that way over such a simple request.

I dont think i would tell her to f off though maybe she was just having a crap day. maybe she will call you or something and it will just pass. but stick to your guns though.

No poncy low dining table,and no carpets downstairs either.

Only slippy laminate flooring, best you keep your shoes on really.

was she offering to carry him through to the kitchen? i dont think that is so unreasonable. i am imagining an hour wrestling to get him dressed and him refusing - you know the terrible 3s - and her being just too frazzled to face doing it again

Given that you've known her so long and that you say she's always been lovely, couldn't you cut her some slack on this occasion? There may be big things going on in her life.

VVU of friend with the dirty wellies, but also U to have cream carpet! Been there done it regretted it for years

Fgs it has nothing to do with having "house rules", it's about having basic common fucking courtesy. Leaving wellies on inside someone's home, cream carpets or no cream carpets, is just plain disrespectful.

Yanbu at all. She may struggle to get them on again but it's your house and it's rude especially when you asked her twice.
Wait till she contacts you, you tried and you got abuse back.

Blue i was responding to the posters who were commenting on disliking the 'your house, your rules' missive. rules, guidelines all the rest are, of course up to the individual- I was just agreeing that particular phrase is quite pompous and annoying.

Also if it was a hard morning and she really wanted a chat, couldn't she have said so and then "look I can't face the fight of trying to get his wellies off - do you mind if we go out to Costa instead and I'll look round the house another time?" - problem sorted!

Look at the big picture Blue.

The OP has been friends with her for 20 years, she's normally sweet and lovely. Her ds is known for being hard work.

The friend sighed then said she was going. Not great on her part but to me screams of her having had enough.

To be honest, I wouldn't worry about it, because it sounds like she's dumped you first

It's also not teaching him very good behaviour, to just carry on and walk mud through carpets.
Maybe she was embarrassed and trying to aid tantrum and more embarrassment. Sometimes that turns to anger.

I'm a pretty lax parent tbh, but I wouldn't consider letting my toddler wear muddy wellies in someone else's house. I'm amazed anyone think this is ok.