To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

ds was a terribly tantrummy toddler an I tended to pick my battles. respecting other peoples stuff and not wearing shoes indoors was one of them.

no it is not eady to get wellies off a flailing screaming toddler, but you either do that or make excuses and leave it until another time.

My best friend trod goose shit into my brand new , fluff still on it , laid for barely 12 hours , carpet . It stained the carpet , but do you know what ? she is still my best friend 15 years later . Really good friends beat carpet hands down every time

If they were wiped why would it matter though? Because he wouldn't tread anything through.
I think it's ridiculous to get cream carpets and ridiculous to expect them to stay cream. She sounds rude but so do you.

Goose shit, you know upmarket poo trodders frumpet.

" your house your rules HUN "
Fucking hell it's not netmums.

That sentence needs binning.

I've got new carpets after 20 years of living with carpets I hated and I would bloody murder anyone who went anywhere near them with boots or chocolate! They cost a small fortune (to me) and once carpets get a stain on them it is really hard to remove properly - it isn't just a case of sighing and getting the hoover out.

It would be bad enough if you marked your new carpets yourself but to have a selfish friend do it for you within the first 10 days - I would be very upset.

I think I would try and explain the importance of the new carpet to her though as she clearly didn't see it in the same way. Agree that she probably is completely harassed and just wanted a cup of tea and a chat, she handled the situation badly and then lashed out in an even worse manner.

balloon slayer's reply though was in a similar style to the one that the friend sent, just from the other point of view. the sortof thing you would think or rant to your oh but not send to the person in question.

MiddletonPink, minus the "Hun" though, that is a perfectly acceptable thing to say. It is the OP's house, she has just spent money on new carpets so of course it is up to her not to want wet wellies left on! Her house, her rules!

Sorry Frumpet I would have had to exterminate your friend there and then!

I couldn't be doing with someone that rude and disrespectful. She wouldn't be coming to my house again.

itsbetterthanabox how can you say that it's ridiculous to get cream carpets? It's the OP's choice and her house surely? I have cream carpets but also have a light green one and it would mark just as easily.

Three's a difficult age. I think she wimped out. He probably had a thing about taking his wellies off.

You have been perfectly reasonable. She has not.

I think it's reasonable to talk to the dc yourself. Often that worked better for mine, if someone else told them the rules.

It could go either way - she apologises, explains she's having a really difficult time with him. Or she doesn't and carries on being weird.

But it's fairly common these days, white carpets or not, if you have small dc, guests take their shoes off at the door so that dog poo remnants don't mix with their toys they're licking. You see a pile of shoes at the door, you take yours off.

I hate 'your house your rules'

Gives me the rage.

No matter how difficult, you take wellies off indoors, they are not indoor shoes even if you dont mind shoes on indoors. YANBU. We all know he wouldnt have ended up staying in the kitchen, it never works.

And fwiw, I have cream carpets. I also have a Labrador, a toddler and will soon have a newborn. Guess what - my carpets are still cream, albeit with a few brown dog hairs thrown in, 3 years after being laid. No one wears shoes in my house, and certainly not wellies! It is not unreasonable to ask someone to respect your home!

Mulderandskully you have ivory carpets?

Are you Joan Collins in real life?

We've just moved into a new build house and carpets were included, BUT we only had a choice of about 30 different shades of cream !!! We have young children, I would have preferred something else but there was no option unless we sourced separately and spent A LOT more money.

Perhaps OP in same boat? BTW , ALL shoes off ALL the time ALL visitors....can't afford to replace the carpets anytime soon.

I've never taken my shoes off in someone house and I don't expect anyone to take theirs off in mine either.

I can't imagine starting a thread on here about a mate I'd had for 20 years so 200 randoms could call her names.

Damn right. Poor woman has been called jealous, incompetent, unfit mother and depressed by a load of people who APPARENTLY pride themselves on their manners.

Ha ha that would be cool. To be honest they are more pale cream than pure white but they are named ivory as per the shops description.

usual, in my house it is my rules and so that shall remain, unless you or anyone else fancies taking over the bills for it.

What do you do when someone insists that you remove your shoes in the house that they pay for? Or has that never happened?

Blueberry " your house your rules " is a stupid mentality.

This thread has got me thinking, I don't think I know anyone who has carpets in the downstairs of their homes.

I find "house rules" a bit weird and tragic.

usualsuspect333 I vividly remember going to dinner with my DH to the house of some very hipster friends of his in Spitalfields. Everyone (except for me) was wearing black. We are asked to take our shoes off. Everyone had perfect black cashmere socks on. I had some rainbow striped 99p store ones on, complete with holes that showed just how long it had been since I had last bothered to paint my toenails. We then had to sit crosslegged round their low table with all feet on show. Glances were definitely cast my way. They were not approving. I maintain this is why I got so self conscious that I did the classic cut the food too enthusiastically and send it flying across the table trick.

We were never invited back. And all because of stripey socks.