To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

Yy,down.

I can't imagine starting a thread on here about a mate I'd had for 20 years so 200 randoms could call her names.

do not see her with her kid. she is clearly struggling.

but wait a while for the red mist to clear.

YANBU

I always take mine and my childrens shoes off when I go to friends houses, it's called respect!

Probably something else that's rattled her cage and she's taking it out on you and your carpets lol!

So what can we reasonably start threads about then usual?

I think she must have been having a really bad time of it recently. Do you have advantages compared to her, e.g. beautiful new home, more docile children? Maybe she has money troubles and would love a new home like yours and is somewhat jealous and feeling that life is unfair? I still think she was being unreasonable, but since you say she has never done anything like this before and always been really sweet in the long years of friendship you've had, I think you should cut her a little slack and give her some time before telling her to fuck off and never talking to her again.

I haven't read all of this but I just wanted to say I disagree with those suggesting you shouldn't talk to the child. In most cases with my friends' kids I would have talked to the kid first anyway (they're mostly three, my friends' kids). I believe you should try to give kids that kind of responsibility.

I dunno pictish ,maybe the MIL we have only had 20 of them today.

YANBU, I am the least house proud person you could wish to meet, however if I had had new carpets I would expect all visitors to remove their shoes.
One of my siblings is very wealthy; not precious or snobby. I remember well a visitor arriving at their house for a party. The person in question was expensively attired and came with 2 dc's in tow. The dc's were munching on chocolate and wee climbing up the newly carpeted stairs. I politely asked her to ensure her kids were not to decorate the carpet with chocolate to which she replied" You can't be precious when you have children" to which I replied " So why do you have tit tape on your gown if you are not being precious about your tit's falling out?"
She said I had more money than sense and that I was a typical yummy mummy with nothing better to do until I pointed out I earned just over minimum wage and my car which was parked next to hers, was 18 years old and my dress came from a charity shop.

Yanbu

Why would she even think its ok to tramp on anyones carpet with dirty shoes on.

Have to agree with someone upthread who said there is more going on here though. Maybe she needed a chat.

It sounds as though she is struggling.

I prefer people to take their shoes off (pale beige carpets - newly laid when we moved in - rented from dh's employers), but if a friend who is having a hard time came round, and I knew it was going to be a battle for her to get her ds's wellies off, then I would just let it go, and I know she would do the same for me.

YADNBU. My DD was a right pain when she was a toddler about dressing etc and still is a bit but I could never imagine thinking that meant she could go running around someone else's house in dirty wellies. And if she had a meltdown I'd politely make my excuses and leave. I wouldn't attack a friend and make out the problem was them. I wouldn't tell her to fuck off but I'd cool the friendship. Also I'd wait till she contacted me.

If your friend is kind and sweet and this is totally out of character perhaps this should indicate to you that you are really annoying her, for whatever reason you are being prissy and irritating in more than the carpet issue!

I'd want shoes off like most people but she did plead with you twice, I'd have just sighed inwardly and been a bit kinder...it's only welly water not tar!

Exactly,you would let it go for a mate.

She's shockingly rude and unreasonable. Who on earth thinks it's ok to wear wet muddy shoes in someone else's home? And that it's okay to leave a lunch mid- meal without telling your friends that you're leaving? This is not normal at all.

YANBU. She should have taken them off. But, it would be a massive thing to give up a 20 year old friendship about.

Blue you did not really say that did you?

It sounds as though your friendship has been strained for a little while. Have you been seeing too much of each other? Perhaps some distance would do the two of you good. You've contacted her, it's time to leave it.

Re the child - I have a few friends who I like a lot but am much less keen on their children. Has she picked up on that? Do others find her child difficult?

If you do keep seeing her, try to keep it to the evenings. Apart from anything else, the kid is going to pick up on "bad vibes" and be even worse.

YANBU, your house your rules hun xxx

Seriously though, we are all a bit PFC when we get new stuff and i would always take shoes off in friends houses if they had carpet.

We were in London today, it was wetter than a wet thing

oh and I am LEM!!!! there can be only one - grrrrrrr

Only just seen your post about lunch.

Does she have particular concerns about her ds's behaviour?

Sorry I just don't see how the op is being unreasonable?

Look, it's your house, you have whatever blooming colour carpet you like! I have beige carpets on the stairs and landing, the bedrooms are cream (like that when we moved in) and if you keep them shampooed, there's nothing wrong with it :) If people want to come into your house, they behave like a guest, it's your home, you decide what happens in it IMO.

I have wooden floors throughout downstairs, carpets upstairs (but no guests go upstairs, nor do the dogs (blooming kitten on the other hand is a law unto herself!). Guests are allowed in my hallway and lounge with shoes on, after wiping their feet of course, or if it's wet, the hallway is where the shoes stop. I don't let my kids run round the house in their shoes, so I won't let guests either. But I've never ever had to ask someone to take their shoes off, everyone normally just takes them off or offers to!

So in summary ;) YANBU, your friend is. However like many others said, she may well have something else going on, however it doesn't give her the right to behave that way.

YANBU I would always take ds wellies off when going in to my own or someone else's house. He is far from an easy toddler and have plenty of days where he doesn't want to do things I ask but I would take his wellies off and put them back on regardless of the day I was having.

Your house, your rules and she should respect that.

Bertiebrabinger yes you are right my reply was v spiteful. I didn't actually expect the OP to send it though, and wouldn't have the guts to myself.

This is the sort of thing DH's SIL would do. She would impose the same rule in her home and then throw a tantrum if I dared to tell her to carry it out in my home.

Sometimes walking away is the best thing to do!