to ask people not to touch toddlers not related to them?

[evalyn]

Out yesterday with DGC. DGC walking, within grabbing distance, but not holding hands. Middle aged woman, 'Aah, gorgeous!', gently ruffles DGC's hair, smiles broadly at me. DGC shrinks away. I say to this woman, 'Yes, but you shouldn't touch, please.' Woman sniffs, nose in air, walks off in huff.

AIBU to think that even 2-year-olds have the right not to be touched at all, however affectionately, by strangers? And to be really annoyed that this woman thinks she has the right to ruffle my DGC's hair like that?

And people wonder why no one stops to help, walks on by or doesn't see/hear things.

If my mother in law or mother reacted as RUDELY as you did to that poor woman, I wouldn't want her taking my boy out anymore.

OP, you are teaching your grandchild to be impolite. I think you have completely over reacted and you're intolerance is rather worrying.

This is the reason I watched a child who was in distress in a swimming pool for a good 30 seconds- a minute to check she was actually in distress before I pulled her out. I didn't want to be accused of touching someone else's child inappropriately.

It still bothers me that I watched her sinking and resurfacing for those moments whilst I panicked about doing the right thing.

She was ok thankfully.

good god, lets hope its a wind up.

imho, part of the purpose of babies and toddlers looking so cute is entertain the rest of us, especially older people. my dds were clucked over, cooed over and had their hair ruffled by random men and women when they were babies and toddlers. it lighten my tough days a little and certainly seemed to add something to the older peoples lives ( sounds like a cliche but I was around during the day and most others were retired). one of my happier memories was of a retired couple i often met in the park taking great delight in pushing dc on the swings etc. They didnt have gc close by. others helped me on and off buses, held baby why i put up the buggy, held toddlers hand whilst i got on and off ect

in hindsight, should i have told them off and walked the over way?

evalyn I remember you and your bonkers aggressive ranting about comparing ear piercing to female circumcision. I got hiccups from laughing so much at your rants on the dog poo thread... I think, in all seriousness, you should write your own ranty blog. Diamond!

So very precious. YABVVVU. You can teach a child that they have a right not to be molested but this is one step too far.

Probably sounds like a massive stealth boast here but if I reprimanded every person who complimented my DS and ruffled his hair/kissed him/held his hand etc then that would make for a very hostile day. FFS OP, there are situations when certain actions are inappropriate and should be discouraged but this was not one of them.

My son always had his hair touched as a toddler. If he hadn't liked it he would have said so loud and clear!

precious

Yabvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvu.

I also hope that it is a wind up

Probably not a wind up. Some people think their child is a possession and they think 'my child, my rules' which is not true- unless you stay at home.

I am now more invested in whether this is pointlessly pointless reverse, than the initial post. Come back and confirm or deny, OP!

Huge thank you to everyone who said I didn't do anything bad

I am much more wary now, I will always offer to help a struggling mum, but do avoid interacting with toddlers, might rethink that in light of the responses on this thread, so whether the OP is genuine or not, it has been worthwhile reading for me

Mehitabel6 - I would say it's less that people view their child as their possession as that they don't think their child should be public property for anyone who feels the urge to put their hands on no matter how the child feels about it. Why shouldn't children's boundaries be respected? The OP said her GC flinched away - he didn't want to be touched and signalled that the woman. But she felt that her desire to touch him was more important than his desire to be left alone. Why is that?

Annie, how do you feel about strangers smiling at children?

But Annie, how would she know that until she touched him? He may have given her a beaming smile, held his hands out to her, but then shied away later. I do not see anything to say that she persisted with ruffling his hair.

YABU and quite frankly you sound like a fruit loop. DGC would have had more fun with the evil hair ruffler.

I smile at random babies and toddlers. I play peek-a-boo with them. I smile and nod at their parents. But I would never put my hand on a baby or child who didn't know me unless they were in distress/danger. I would just never occur to me that I had that right.

I also don't understand why anyone thinks the OP is being rude. She didn't yell "get your fucking hands off my grandchild, you miserable bitch!" She just said, "don't touch him please". A perfectly reasonable request for many potential reasons. He might be shy. He might have ASD. He might be immunocompromised.

Can't believe what a hard time op is getting.

I have absolutely no problem with strangers chatting to dc, but my dd is uncomfortable being touched by strangers. She's not scared. I haven't wrapped her up in cotton wool. She just doesn't like it. Now she is old enough and confident enough to move away or ask someone not to touch her. As is her right IMO. When she was 18 mo, I did this for her. As it is my job as her mum to look after her and being sensitive to her feelings above those of a stranger is important to me. I also think that it is healthy to teach children to listen to their feelings and not minimise them in order to conform to societies expectations.

I think some of the attitudes here are much more in keeping with the idea of children being possessions than the op's. having to put up with being touched just to keep someone else happy is not having respect for children as individual human beings.

I agree 100% with your first paragraph, Annie. That's how I am too. However I do think the OP was very unkind to the hair-ruffler, who meant and did no harm and who she wouldn't see again anyway.

I don't like random elderly men cooing over my toddler and stroking her face. But, they probably mean no harm, and I was with my child. I would not touch a strange child, but I would smile and wave or talk to them.

I think what is important is that you teach a child there are certain places on their body only parents or doctors that mummy and daddy say are ok can touch.

I hug my friends toddler, I caught a child running out of play group. I have blocked exits so toddlers do not escape from shops, but perhaps I should not in case I get shouted at!

Op I suggest you don't go abroad with you and your dc's fragile disposition.

On holiday in Europe people don't just ruffle hair, but also, shock horror, play with DC they don't know. Dd loved it!

I just find this so sad. A kind lady did a nice thing and people are going on about a child being fondled and bodily autonomy for a toddler. My DD is 6 and was regularly hair ruffled and it did her confidence the world of good. People like some of these posters is why, for example, teachers aren't allowed to apply suncream to children in 30 degree heat and why there are so many people on here who admit to being a bit worried to be nice to a child. What a sad world we are becoming, not helped by the ridiculous and rude actions of people like the OP.

Why shouldn't children's boundaries be respected?

And so they should but this always turns out to be more about the mother's personal boundaries. My son was quite happy to have his hair ruffled when little-as he got older he moved out of the way. Usually these threads are about a baby, and the baby is smiling and quite happy-it is the mother who isn't!