to ask people not to touch toddlers not related to them?

[evalyn]

Out yesterday with DGC. DGC walking, within grabbing distance, but not holding hands. Middle aged woman, 'Aah, gorgeous!', gently ruffles DGC's hair, smiles broadly at me. DGC shrinks away. I say to this woman, 'Yes, but you shouldn't touch, please.' Woman sniffs, nose in air, walks off in huff.

AIBU to think that even 2-year-olds have the right not to be touched at all, however affectionately, by strangers? And to be really annoyed that this woman thinks she has the right to ruffle my DGC's hair like that?

Fondled? The woman wasn't fondling the child, what an odd choice of wording.

I think you were completely and unnecessarily rude, OP. Apart from anything else, the deed was already done and you're unlikely to see her again.

Admittedly, last time I ruffled a small child's hair, I did ask his permission. He was very pleased to give it and gave me a hug in return. Made my day.

Are you for real?

As all my DGC are stunningly gorgeous I would be vastly offended if random strangers didn't come up to tell me so, chat to them, and in the case of youngest DGC, pinch his (very) chubby cheeks so that they get the benefit of his huge beaming grin.

OP, you were very, very U and very, very rude.

Blimey, OP: try travelling in Africa or Asia and see how far you get!
YABU.

YABU, OP. She ruffled his hair, that's all. I find your post very depressing.

Why did your GC shrink away? Is he being taught to fear all people he doesn't know? Poor little boy - it sounds as though you are bringing him up to distrust and be in conflict with the well meant people he encounters, which is very sad. We need less of this kind of attitude.

Something tells me the op isn't coming back. Wish we had a fondling emoticon

I dunno. I guess if my kid was shy I can see your point but mine are the opposite. Dd2 thinks everyone is her best mate so older people in shops are all over her. I don't mind it's good to encourage social skills

"fondling" just conjures up all the wrong sort of images. What a peculiar word to use in reference to a tiny baby or even a child.

Exactly Mrs devere Very over the top.

Sadly MrsD I think too many people are quick to jump to that type of conclusion when it comes to adults interacting with children.

I'd be interested to know whether there's anyone here who objects to a stranger smiling at their DC. I am extremely soppy about babies and toddlers, but have been given countless dirty looks and death stares because a parent has "caught" me smiling at their child.

I certainly would never touch a child, (even if the parent is friendly), anyway, if smiling angers the parent I dread to think what would happen if I "hair-ruffled". Occasionally a parent will suddenly notice their child is smiling at me and turn to see what they're looking at, which I take as my cue to smile and so how lovely the child is. It's rare that I get a smile or reply. I am a normal looking 60 yr old woman, btw, not a drunken tramp lurching round the supermarket "fondling" babies. Because it has happened so often, I'm sure that there must be a fair proprtion of parents here that react in the same way and I'd love to know the reason for it. I don't approach any babies or children, so it's not as if I look as if I might touch if not "warned off" with a look. It doesn't only happen when I'm on my own either, but also when I'm with my husband and/or daughter. Now it doesn't happen ^all the time, sometimes I will get a lovely smile and a thank you from the mother, but often enough for me to ask here who does it and why.

Having read the most recent posts, I wonder whether the answer to my question is that nowadays people are suspicious of strangers interacting with their children. So do they really look at a 60 year old woman smiling at their baby and think "paedophile"? That would be horrifying.

There's a lot of them about, TooOld, sadly. When ds2 was around two, he went over to a little girl of similar age at the playground, and grabbed her hand while asking her to play.
The older lady she was with (presumably Grandmother) charged over with a packet of antibacterial wipes and sterilised cleaned her hands before leading her away from the germ ridden boy.
I asked her what her problem was and she just stared at me impassively. I don't know if she was non English speaking or just plain ignorant.
I bet the child is a neurotic wreck by now, though.

You know sociable outgoing people seem to get on well in the world.What a pity you don't want your DGC to be learning to be sociable at an early age

Tooold. That is so sad. Don't let the nasty cow put you off. I feel really upset for you.

I used to enjoy strangers playing peekaboo with my DS when queuing, waiting or on planes especially as anyone helping to entertain or distract was most welcome. He loved it, it was teaching him social skills. Made all three of us feel good, so where was the harm. I think I am more inclined to touch a child as a mum. I would only do it if they invited it by reaching out but suppose I am generally more confident. I am surprised how many are against it tbh. I love to play peekaboo :)

YABU

An elderly man chatted to my 3 yr old DS in the queue at a cafe last week. They had a heated debate about Spider-Man and the man ruffled his hair. It was lovely, he clearly loved children and DS was thrilled to have a captive audience.

A little bit of human kindness from all three of us made for a lovely experience. YABU.

You were very rude to the lady, but I suppose it shows how sad society has become.
I take it you would be quite happy if your child had some sort of accident and needed help for them to be completely ignored in case God forbid somebody has to touch them.

What a sad society, totally agree.
It is a shame when we have come to this, I pity the dc growing up in such a sterile environment.
Encouraging interaction like this is part of socialising a child, what a world!

I think it depends on how I perceived the "toucher". In the circs you discribe she was being genuinely nice and you pissed all over her. However, there are some people that I feel intimidated by or slightly nervous of, and that would not be ok.

Why is it that when people don't get the response they want, they fail to come back? I have noticed this quite a bit.

Or is it a wind-up?

By the way YABVU.